No Heroes

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Authors: Chris Offutt
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returns to the chair, and finds a large word in a dialogue balloon. He carefully spells the word, as he has heard his brother do.
    â€œWhat does a-a-w-o-o-w-a-h!’ mean?”
    At my request James repeats the spelling. I figure it is the sound of a siren and tell him so, but he says it’s not. He shows the picture to me. The word in question is the wailing of a Belgian Jew who knows he’ll be killed in the morning. I tell James it means the mouse is sad. Eventually James concludes that the mice are going to jail for not wearing their hats.
    At supper, Sam is still thinking about Maus. He is a serious boy, prone to prolonged pondering. He wants to be a scientist when he grows up.
    â€œI’m glad there was a Hitler,” he says.
    â€œWhy?” I say.
    â€œBecause if he hadn’t lived, Grandma and Grandpa wouldn’t go to New York and have Mommy. Then you wouldn’t have met her. And there’d be no me. I have to be glad, see?”
    I stare at him, awed by the practicality of his logic. He is an implacable child, a careful thinker. For me to present a counterargument is to attack his very being, deny his existence in the same way the Nazis tried to deny the Jews.

Hot Rod to Haldeman

    Rita and I decided to picnic in my hometown of Haldeman with sandwiches and bottles of cold L-8, Kentucky’s only native soft drink. Its official name is Ale-8-1, or “a late one,” because it arrived on the market after Coca-Cola. L-8 is affectionately called swamp water or mule piss, and must be drunk cold from a long-neck bottle clamped between your thighs while driving.
    I drove the Malibu with my left arm draped out the window in true country style. A large sign proclaimed the future site of a country club and an exclusive golf community. Trees were cut down and roads laid out. New houses clung to denuded slopes as if dropped from the sky. The entire enterprise reminded me of a trailer court for the affluent. “HickorY PointE,” proclaimed a sign in large letters. If you squinted, they formed a new word— HYPE.
    In Morehead I pointed out to Rita where I’d bought my first bike and shot my first game of pool. I know the eight miles between town and Haldeman better than I know the face of either of my sons. I know the shadows of the land, the stone outcroppings high on the hillside, the silhouette of the tree line at dusk. As we drove, I gave Rita a running commentary on the road—the two straight stretches where you could pass a slow car, the tobacco warehouse, the turn up Christy Creek where the old drive-in movie theater was built on a landfill. Now it’s gone and a new grade school sits there. I stopped at Big Perry Road and told her about the school bus wreck. Farther on was Little Perry Road, a long dead-end hollow that followed a creek in classic Appalachian style.
    The sky was so crisp and taut you expected it to snap in the wind. The leaves of a silver maple turned their bellies to the breeze and the tree looked covered with snow. We passed Gates, a community reduced to a railroad whistle post. At Hay’s Branch I made the turn to Hay’s Crossing, and showed Rita where a bunch of us boys once swam naked in a shallow muddy pool. One of us cut his foot on glass. A boy threw someone’s shoes into the water. Somebody cried and somebody got mad. I couldn’t remember which boy I had been.
    It was not the land that Rita enjoyed, nor the stories of my past, but the Malibu. The throbbing engine thrilled her. She loved its speed and power. She sprawled luxuriously in the front seat, and said she’d lived in New York apartments that were smaller. The term muscle car came from the tremendous horsepower harnessed beneath the hood of cars in the late sixties and early seventies. Manufacturers in Detroit upped the ante until they were putting race cars on the street—Chevelle, GTO, Charger, Barracuda. Rowan County muscle cars were jacked up in the back

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