Toby would want. They knew Toby loved her and that they had future plans. They had known her and her family for years. And Toby was part of what the Ross’ considered their extended family, his loss was horrific.
Tessa spent the next week crying and grieving. She pushed everyone away except for her new friends in drama club. She went to practice and smiled. She almost felt like she was being untrue to her new friends but she was an actress there and was able to make herself smile and sing and not think about Toby or Ann.
~
The service was horrible. Tessa couldn’t un derstand when people would say It was a beautiful service . There was absolutely nothing beautiful about seeing him in a box laying there lifeless and appearing waxy, there was nothing beautiful about people gathered inside a church crying, there was nothing beautiful about the black car that took him to the cemetery, there was absolutely nothing beautiful about the military men giving his mother a flag, and the sound of the trumpet in the distance playing Taps. The dirt thrown on the casket that held her friend, a man she knew could love her and she would have loved him always, well there was nothing beautiful about that either.
As Tessa looked down she heard the cars leaving the cemetery. She stood outside the vehicle as the last car pull away. Maggie got out of the car and put her arm around Tessa .
“Are you ready Tessa?” she asked softly.
Tessa shook her head no and walked back over to the plot where they had thrown dirt on Toby. Maggie followed her. She watched as Tessa quickly wiped tears off her face.
“It ’s ugly Mom,” Tessa cried.
“I know honey, did you see the flowers? They’re beautiful,” Maggie was trying to distract Tessa.
She read some of the cards, “Tessa did you see these honey ? I think they’re from friends of yours.”
“Jade and Tommy, sent these pretty ones” sh e said and pointed to the roses. “Phoebe and Becca sent this arrangement, and this one is from Lucas.” Maggie pointed to the large basket of yellow roses and white Gerber daisies.
Tessa looked at the flowers and took a deep breath, “Could you g ive me a minute Mom, and I’ll meet you in the car in a minute?”
Maggie walked back to the car and Tessa dropped onto the dirt on her knees and cried even more tears. She tried to think of good things, like Toby, he was good… and that it must be a blessing that the ground had not been frozen so that they didn’t have to go through this again in the spring. She kissed the stone as she cried.
She noticed the men in Na vy uniforms standing back a hundred yards. One of them started walking towards her. He knelt down and handed her a tissue and put his hand on her shoulder.
“He was a good man. I’ m sorry for your loss Miss,” he kept his hand on her shoulder for a few moments and then slowly walked away.
Tessa didn’t look at him and was thankful for the black large rimed hat she wore so he couldn’t see her face. It was bad enough that people saw her as she sat in a dress on the ground which Toby was buried beneath. She took handfuls of loose gravel and allowed it to slip through her fingers as she cried. She stood wiped her knees off, and walked to the car and they drove home.
Tessa showered and changed into her pajamas. She opened the medicine cabinet and grabbed a pill from her field hockey injury, the one’s she took at camp the day Lucas moved out. She swallowed it down with a glass of water, walked past her family, and went upstairs to her room and cried herself to sleep. She slept the entire night.
~
The next day at play practice she made an excuse about missing practice due to illness. She didn’t talk about what happened, no one there knew a lot about her private life and she wanted to keep it that way.
“Hey Tessa,” Mark the pizza boy , smiled.
“Hey yoursel f, Mark.”
“A bunch of us are going back to my place, a very low key get together , if you want to come feel
Tessa spent the next week crying and grieving. She pushed everyone away except for her new friends in drama club. She went to practice and smiled. She almost felt like she was being untrue to her new friends but she was an actress there and was able to make herself smile and sing and not think about Toby or Ann.
~
The service was horrible. Tessa couldn’t un derstand when people would say It was a beautiful service . There was absolutely nothing beautiful about seeing him in a box laying there lifeless and appearing waxy, there was nothing beautiful about people gathered inside a church crying, there was nothing beautiful about the black car that took him to the cemetery, there was absolutely nothing beautiful about the military men giving his mother a flag, and the sound of the trumpet in the distance playing Taps. The dirt thrown on the casket that held her friend, a man she knew could love her and she would have loved him always, well there was nothing beautiful about that either.
As Tessa looked down she heard the cars leaving the cemetery. She stood outside the vehicle as the last car pull away. Maggie got out of the car and put her arm around Tessa .
“Are you ready Tessa?” she asked softly.
Tessa shook her head no and walked back over to the plot where they had thrown dirt on Toby. Maggie followed her. She watched as Tessa quickly wiped tears off her face.
“It ’s ugly Mom,” Tessa cried.
“I know honey, did you see the flowers? They’re beautiful,” Maggie was trying to distract Tessa.
She read some of the cards, “Tessa did you see these honey ? I think they’re from friends of yours.”
“Jade and Tommy, sent these pretty ones” sh e said and pointed to the roses. “Phoebe and Becca sent this arrangement, and this one is from Lucas.” Maggie pointed to the large basket of yellow roses and white Gerber daisies.
Tessa looked at the flowers and took a deep breath, “Could you g ive me a minute Mom, and I’ll meet you in the car in a minute?”
Maggie walked back to the car and Tessa dropped onto the dirt on her knees and cried even more tears. She tried to think of good things, like Toby, he was good… and that it must be a blessing that the ground had not been frozen so that they didn’t have to go through this again in the spring. She kissed the stone as she cried.
She noticed the men in Na vy uniforms standing back a hundred yards. One of them started walking towards her. He knelt down and handed her a tissue and put his hand on her shoulder.
“He was a good man. I’ m sorry for your loss Miss,” he kept his hand on her shoulder for a few moments and then slowly walked away.
Tessa didn’t look at him and was thankful for the black large rimed hat she wore so he couldn’t see her face. It was bad enough that people saw her as she sat in a dress on the ground which Toby was buried beneath. She took handfuls of loose gravel and allowed it to slip through her fingers as she cried. She stood wiped her knees off, and walked to the car and they drove home.
Tessa showered and changed into her pajamas. She opened the medicine cabinet and grabbed a pill from her field hockey injury, the one’s she took at camp the day Lucas moved out. She swallowed it down with a glass of water, walked past her family, and went upstairs to her room and cried herself to sleep. She slept the entire night.
~
The next day at play practice she made an excuse about missing practice due to illness. She didn’t talk about what happened, no one there knew a lot about her private life and she wanted to keep it that way.
“Hey Tessa,” Mark the pizza boy , smiled.
“Hey yoursel f, Mark.”
“A bunch of us are going back to my place, a very low key get together , if you want to come feel
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