Read Online Never Without Hope (Sacred Vows Book 1) by Michelle Sutton - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Michelle Sutton
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wondered if I really was being selfish to want to be physically and emotionally connected to my husband. How could that be wrong?
When I realized that he wouldn ’t talk to me, and pushing him would only make things worse, I resolved to go back to bed.
I flopped on the mattress and stared at the bedroom door, wondering what was happening between us. My gaze strayed toward the gun cabinet, and for the first time in years, I considered ending it all…until I thought about Jimmy. I couldn’t abandon him.
That would be the worst betrayal of all.
I resolved to survive my marriage crisis, but decided to stop trying so hard. My husband had made his feelings clear, and there was no changing his mind…not without a miracle.
But why would God want to help me?
Yet, I was the woman at the well, the adulteress the Pharisees had cast onto the ground. I was the unfaithful wife in the book of Hosea. Though Jesus had shown compassion to wayward women in the Bible, my husband had every reason to despise me, for I despised myself. And for that reason alone, I couldn’t call on God. Not now.
*****
The next morning when I rose to get Jimmy ready for school, I saw that James had already left for work. Probably to avoid me. But who could blame him?
As I made my son an omelet, I thought about the past few days. Part of me wanted to talk to someone —like our pastor—about our marriage problems, and part of me wanted to just bury all the hurt and get what I needed from Tony while I still could.
Once Jimmy got on the bus, I returned to my desk and opened my e-mail. After trashing the junk mail and spam, I noticed a note from Tony.
Don’t call me today. Something is wrong. I tell you later. I call you.
That message really got me thinking. Asking myself a million questions. Did his wife know? What was wrong? Why can ’t I call? You name it, I worried about it.
All morning I waited around, staring at my phone, hoping he ’d call. It wasn’t until later that night after Jimmy went to bed that the phone finally rang. I’d had a special ring tone on my cell phone just for Tony. But that wasn’t the sound it made.
I still answered.
“Hello?”
“ Lovely Hope. It is me, Tony.”
I could hear the purr in his voice, but had to cut to the chase. I had to know what that e-mail meant. Before I could ask what was wrong, my husband came into the bedroom and started getting ready for bed. My face must ’ve turned beet red because James looked at me and asked, “Who you talking to? That boyfriend of yours?”
I panicked. Did he know? Was he kidding? I didn ’t want to lie, but man, that was putting me on the spot. So I said it was the guy helping me with my book. That was true.
James shot me a concerned look. “Why’d it take you so long to answer me?”
“ I…I’m just not used to you asking me those kinds of questions. What did you expect me to say?” I rubbed my forehead and said to Tony, “Hold on a sec.”
James stepped over to me and kissed my forehead. He held me close for a second and gave me an affectionate squeeze. “I love you, Babe. I’m sorry about my attitude lately.”
Aw, crud. Why did he have to be sweet now?
“Is this bad time for you?” Tony sounded nervous. “I call later.”
“ No!” I shouted and raised my hand like a child in class, blocking my husband so he couldn’t connect his lips to my neck. “I mean, no. Hold on a sec.” Placing my hand over the phone, I said, “Excuse me, James.” Then I walked to the other side of the house and whispered. “Sorry. My husband is actually being nice today.”
“ He knows you have boyfriend?” Tony’s voice held a tinge of fear.
I laughed. I couldn ’t help it. “No, he’s just got a weird sense of humor.”
“ I think that is very true. Do you think he knows?”
“ No. He just likes to hassle me. I’ve never even flirted with another guy in our entire 13 years of marriage. He would never suspect me. I don’t do things like
When I realized that he wouldn ’t talk to me, and pushing him would only make things worse, I resolved to go back to bed.
I flopped on the mattress and stared at the bedroom door, wondering what was happening between us. My gaze strayed toward the gun cabinet, and for the first time in years, I considered ending it all…until I thought about Jimmy. I couldn’t abandon him.
That would be the worst betrayal of all.
I resolved to survive my marriage crisis, but decided to stop trying so hard. My husband had made his feelings clear, and there was no changing his mind…not without a miracle.
But why would God want to help me?
Yet, I was the woman at the well, the adulteress the Pharisees had cast onto the ground. I was the unfaithful wife in the book of Hosea. Though Jesus had shown compassion to wayward women in the Bible, my husband had every reason to despise me, for I despised myself. And for that reason alone, I couldn’t call on God. Not now.
*****
The next morning when I rose to get Jimmy ready for school, I saw that James had already left for work. Probably to avoid me. But who could blame him?
As I made my son an omelet, I thought about the past few days. Part of me wanted to talk to someone —like our pastor—about our marriage problems, and part of me wanted to just bury all the hurt and get what I needed from Tony while I still could.
Once Jimmy got on the bus, I returned to my desk and opened my e-mail. After trashing the junk mail and spam, I noticed a note from Tony.
Don’t call me today. Something is wrong. I tell you later. I call you.
That message really got me thinking. Asking myself a million questions. Did his wife know? What was wrong? Why can ’t I call? You name it, I worried about it.
All morning I waited around, staring at my phone, hoping he ’d call. It wasn’t until later that night after Jimmy went to bed that the phone finally rang. I’d had a special ring tone on my cell phone just for Tony. But that wasn’t the sound it made.
I still answered.
“Hello?”
“ Lovely Hope. It is me, Tony.”
I could hear the purr in his voice, but had to cut to the chase. I had to know what that e-mail meant. Before I could ask what was wrong, my husband came into the bedroom and started getting ready for bed. My face must ’ve turned beet red because James looked at me and asked, “Who you talking to? That boyfriend of yours?”
I panicked. Did he know? Was he kidding? I didn ’t want to lie, but man, that was putting me on the spot. So I said it was the guy helping me with my book. That was true.
James shot me a concerned look. “Why’d it take you so long to answer me?”
“ I…I’m just not used to you asking me those kinds of questions. What did you expect me to say?” I rubbed my forehead and said to Tony, “Hold on a sec.”
James stepped over to me and kissed my forehead. He held me close for a second and gave me an affectionate squeeze. “I love you, Babe. I’m sorry about my attitude lately.”
Aw, crud. Why did he have to be sweet now?
“Is this bad time for you?” Tony sounded nervous. “I call later.”
“ No!” I shouted and raised my hand like a child in class, blocking my husband so he couldn’t connect his lips to my neck. “I mean, no. Hold on a sec.” Placing my hand over the phone, I said, “Excuse me, James.” Then I walked to the other side of the house and whispered. “Sorry. My husband is actually being nice today.”
“ He knows you have boyfriend?” Tony’s voice held a tinge of fear.
I laughed. I couldn ’t help it. “No, he’s just got a weird sense of humor.”
“ I think that is very true. Do you think he knows?”
“ No. He just likes to hassle me. I’ve never even flirted with another guy in our entire 13 years of marriage. He would never suspect me. I don’t do things like
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