youcan’tdothis.Whoisgonnamakesureyoutakecareoryourself?”
ThebestfriendI’dhadallmylifewasbackandthecrazyboywhothoughthewasinlove
and ready to sacri ice his life was gone. “I told Bethy. She knows and I’m careful. I wasn’t thinking.Thisisallnewforme.AndIthinkI’mgonnabesick.”
“WhatcanIdo?”heaskedwithapanickedlookonhisface.
“Crackerswouldhelp.”
Hesetthesuitcasedownandranoutoftheroomtogetmecrackers.Hewasbackinless
thanaminutewithaboxofsaltinesandaglass.“GrannyQheardyou.Shealreadyhadthebox outandaglassofgingeralepoured.Shesaidthealewouldsootheyourstomach.”
“Thankyou,”Irepliedandsatdownonthebedtoeatacrackerandsiponthegingerale.
Neitherofusspoke.MynauseabegantoeaseawayandIhadlearnedfromexperiencetostop eatingthen.ToomuchandI’dbeseeingitagainverysoon.Standingup,Ihandedtheboxand glassbacktoCain.
“Justputitdown.I’llgetitlater.”Hepickedupmysuitcase.“Givemethatboxtoo.Youcan’t carryit,”hesaidpickinguptheboxofthingsIhadn’tunpackedfrommylastmove.Ipulledthe lastsmallbaguponmyarmandhestartedforthedoorwithoutanotherword.Ifollowedhim prayinghedidn’tdosomethingstupidwhenhesawRush.
We got to the screen door leading out onto the front porch and he stopped.Putting the suitcasedownheturnedbacktolookatme.
“You don’t have to go with him. I told you that I could ix this. You have me, B. You’ve alwayshadme.”
Cainbelievedwhathewassaying.Icouldseeitinhisface.ButIknewbetter.IfIneededa friend,Cainwouldbetherebuthewasnoone’ssavior.Ididn’tneedoneanyway.Ihadmyself.
Ipulledmybaguphigheronmyshoulderandthoughtcarefullyabouthowtoexplainthis
tohimonemoretime.I’dtriedeverything.Hewouldn’tunderstandthetruth.Bringinguphow hehadfailedmewhenmymomwassickandIwassoalonewouldonlyhurthim.“Ineedtodo this.”
Cainletoutafrustratedgrowlandranhishandthroughhishair.“Youdon’ttrustmeto
takecareofyou.Thathurtssodamnmuch.”Heletoutadefeatedlaugh.“Butthenwhyshould you?Iletyoudownbefore.Withyourmom…Iwasakid,B.HowmanytimesdoIhavetotell youthatthingsaredifferentnow?IknowwhatIwant.I…God,B,Iwantyou.It’salwaysbeen you.”
Alumpformedinmythroat.NotbecauseIlovedhimbutbecauseIdidcareforhim.Cain
wasabigpartofmylife.HehadbeenforaslongasIcouldremember.Iclosedthedistance betweenusandreachedoutforhishand.“Please,understand.ThisissomethingIhavetodo.I havetofacethis.Letmego.”
Cainletoutawearysigh.“I’malwayslettingyougo,B.You’veaskedthatofmebefore.I keeptryingbutit’sslowlydestroyingme.”
Onedayhewouldthankmeforleavinghim.“I’msorry,Cain.ButIneedtogo.He’swaiting onme.”
Cain picked the suitcase back up and opened the screen door with his shoulder. Rush steppedoutoftheRoverassoonashesawus.“Don’tsayanythingtohim,Cain.”Iwhispered.
CainnoddedandIfollowedhimdownthesteps.Rushmetusatthebottomandlookedup
atme.“Isthisallyourstuff?”heasked.
“Yeah,”Ireplied.
Caindidn’tmakeamovetogivehimthesuitcaseandbox.AmuscleinRush’sjawjumped
andIknewhewastryingreallyhardtobegood.
“Givehimthestuff,Cain,”Isaid,nudginghimintheback.
CainsighedandhandedtheboxandsuitcasetoRushwhotookbothitemsandheadedfor
theRover.
“Youneedtotellhim,”Cainmutteredwhenheturnedaroundtolookatme.
“Iwill,eventually.Ineedtothinkitthrough.”
Cainlookedpastmetowardmytruck.“Youleavingyourtruck?”
“I was hoping you might could stick it up at the bodyshop and put a for sale sign on it.
Maybegetathousandoutofit.Thenyoucouldkeephalfandsendmetheotherhalf.”
Cainfrowned.“I’llsellthetruck,B,butIain’ttakingnomoney.I’llsenditall.”
I didn’t argue with him. He needed to be able to do this and I’d let him. “Okay, ine. But couldyougiveGrannyQsomeofitatleast?Forlettingmestayhereandall.”
Cain’seyebrowsshotup.“YouwantmyGrannytorideherassdowntoRosemarytotan
yourhide?”
Smiling, I closed the distance between us and holding onto his shoulders I stood on my
ThebestfriendI’dhadallmylifewasbackandthecrazyboywhothoughthewasinlove
and ready to sacri ice his life was gone. “I told Bethy. She knows and I’m careful. I wasn’t thinking.Thisisallnewforme.AndIthinkI’mgonnabesick.”
“WhatcanIdo?”heaskedwithapanickedlookonhisface.
“Crackerswouldhelp.”
Hesetthesuitcasedownandranoutoftheroomtogetmecrackers.Hewasbackinless
thanaminutewithaboxofsaltinesandaglass.“GrannyQheardyou.Shealreadyhadthebox outandaglassofgingeralepoured.Shesaidthealewouldsootheyourstomach.”
“Thankyou,”Irepliedandsatdownonthebedtoeatacrackerandsiponthegingerale.
Neitherofusspoke.MynauseabegantoeaseawayandIhadlearnedfromexperiencetostop eatingthen.ToomuchandI’dbeseeingitagainverysoon.Standingup,Ihandedtheboxand glassbacktoCain.
“Justputitdown.I’llgetitlater.”Hepickedupmysuitcase.“Givemethatboxtoo.Youcan’t carryit,”hesaidpickinguptheboxofthingsIhadn’tunpackedfrommylastmove.Ipulledthe lastsmallbaguponmyarmandhestartedforthedoorwithoutanotherword.Ifollowedhim prayinghedidn’tdosomethingstupidwhenhesawRush.
We got to the screen door leading out onto the front porch and he stopped.Putting the suitcasedownheturnedbacktolookatme.
“You don’t have to go with him. I told you that I could ix this. You have me, B. You’ve alwayshadme.”
Cainbelievedwhathewassaying.Icouldseeitinhisface.ButIknewbetter.IfIneededa friend,Cainwouldbetherebuthewasnoone’ssavior.Ididn’tneedoneanyway.Ihadmyself.
Ipulledmybaguphigheronmyshoulderandthoughtcarefullyabouthowtoexplainthis
tohimonemoretime.I’dtriedeverything.Hewouldn’tunderstandthetruth.Bringinguphow hehadfailedmewhenmymomwassickandIwassoalonewouldonlyhurthim.“Ineedtodo this.”
Cainletoutafrustratedgrowlandranhishandthroughhishair.“Youdon’ttrustmeto
takecareofyou.Thathurtssodamnmuch.”Heletoutadefeatedlaugh.“Butthenwhyshould you?Iletyoudownbefore.Withyourmom…Iwasakid,B.HowmanytimesdoIhavetotell youthatthingsaredifferentnow?IknowwhatIwant.I…God,B,Iwantyou.It’salwaysbeen you.”
Alumpformedinmythroat.NotbecauseIlovedhimbutbecauseIdidcareforhim.Cain
wasabigpartofmylife.HehadbeenforaslongasIcouldremember.Iclosedthedistance betweenusandreachedoutforhishand.“Please,understand.ThisissomethingIhavetodo.I havetofacethis.Letmego.”
Cainletoutawearysigh.“I’malwayslettingyougo,B.You’veaskedthatofmebefore.I keeptryingbutit’sslowlydestroyingme.”
Onedayhewouldthankmeforleavinghim.“I’msorry,Cain.ButIneedtogo.He’swaiting onme.”
Cain picked the suitcase back up and opened the screen door with his shoulder. Rush steppedoutoftheRoverassoonashesawus.“Don’tsayanythingtohim,Cain.”Iwhispered.
CainnoddedandIfollowedhimdownthesteps.Rushmetusatthebottomandlookedup
atme.“Isthisallyourstuff?”heasked.
“Yeah,”Ireplied.
Caindidn’tmakeamovetogivehimthesuitcaseandbox.AmuscleinRush’sjawjumped
andIknewhewastryingreallyhardtobegood.
“Givehimthestuff,Cain,”Isaid,nudginghimintheback.
CainsighedandhandedtheboxandsuitcasetoRushwhotookbothitemsandheadedfor
theRover.
“Youneedtotellhim,”Cainmutteredwhenheturnedaroundtolookatme.
“Iwill,eventually.Ineedtothinkitthrough.”
Cainlookedpastmetowardmytruck.“Youleavingyourtruck?”
“I was hoping you might could stick it up at the bodyshop and put a for sale sign on it.
Maybegetathousandoutofit.Thenyoucouldkeephalfandsendmetheotherhalf.”
Cainfrowned.“I’llsellthetruck,B,butIain’ttakingnomoney.I’llsenditall.”
I didn’t argue with him. He needed to be able to do this and I’d let him. “Okay, ine. But couldyougiveGrannyQsomeofitatleast?Forlettingmestayhereandall.”
Cain’seyebrowsshotup.“YouwantmyGrannytorideherassdowntoRosemarytotan
yourhide?”
Smiling, I closed the distance between us and holding onto his shoulders I stood on my
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