Read Online Never Look Back by Lesley Pearse - Free Book Online Page B

in complete agreement. Suppose you come to see us again on Sunday afternoon at three? Perhaps your father could accompany you too. Then if everything is agreeable on all sides, you could start then.’
    Matilda knew she had only a second or two to charm Lily into agreement. She turned towards the woman and gave her most winning smile. ‘I know I don’t look or sound like a nursemaid. But you’d never ’ave to be afeared wif me lookin’ after your baby. I’s got eyes in the back of me ’ead where little ’uns is concerned. And I could learn your ways, madam, real quick.’
    ‘Yes, I’ve no doubt you could, Matilda.’ Lily gave a tight little smile in return ‘We’ll see you on Sunday.’

Chapter Two
    Lucas listened to Matilda’s description of the dramatic events of her day with a fixed half-smile. The story’s amusement value came only from her keen observations in both the draper’s shop and the parsonage. He was only too aware his daughter might have been maimed for life by the horses, but smiling was one way of hiding his real feelings.
    ‘But ’ow can I go and work for ’em, Father?’ she sighed as she got to the end of the tale. She leaned her elbows on the table, wearily supporting her head with her hands and looked at him beseechingly. ‘What about the boys?’
    Lucas took a deep breath before replying. It was bitterly ironic that Matilda should suddenly get some good fortune on a day when he had been dwelling on how he’d failed all his children. It wasn’t so much that he was unable to provide any more than basic necessities, there were families far worse off than they were. It was more shame at what he’d become in the past few years.
    Once he’d been as kindly and generous-spirited as she was, he had cared about people, friends, passengers and neighbours. But somewhere along the line he’d grown bitter and heartless – was it any wonder his two younger sons were fast turning into a couple of little villains? He couldn’t remember when he’d last taken them out on the river, or even checked how they were doing at school. He wasn’t much of a father.
    Because of this he’d come home early today. His intention was to take all three of them out, buy Matilda a new bonnet, shirts and breeches for the boys and later in the evening take them in his boat along to Vauxhall Gardens for a treat.
    But Matilda was all rigged out like a lady’s maid, with an offer of a job. The boys were out and hadn’t been seen all day.
    ‘Don’t you fret about the boys,’ he said carefully. He guessed they were up to some mischief and would delay coming backuntil he’d gone out again this evening. ‘They’s my worry, not yourn. If this parson and his wife are decent sorts, you must go to them.’
    ‘But I’ll miss you, Father,’ she said, and her eyes filled with tears.
    Lucas’s heart melted. Matilda was the only good thing in his life, a living memory of her mother and the happiness he’d shared with her. Without Matilda to come home to every day he felt he had no purpose in life, no reason to keep striving. Yet he knew it was selfish to hold her here, he must think only of her future and happiness.
    ‘I’ll miss you an’ all,’ he said, but managed to smile as he said it. ‘But I’d sooner miss you than have you tramping the streets every day with flowers.’
    Matilda threw herself into his arms and sobbed.
    Lucas wished he was able to put his feelings into words. He loved all his children. As babies he’d fed and bathed them, walked the floor with them at nights when they were sick. Even though John and James were gone now and in all likelihood he’d never see them again, they were still in his heart. Yet what he felt for Matilda was different. He didn’t understand why he felt so afraid for her, but not the boys. Just the thought of her being handled roughly by some oaf made him feel sick to the stomach. London was so full of danger – the gin palaces, the penny gaffs, procuresses