Read Online Never Knowing by Chevy Stevens - Free Book Online Page A

table with some napkins. No one reached for a bun. Dad looked hard at Melanie and Lauren, who both took one. I followed suit even though there was no way I could choke anything down. Mom smiled, but her eyes were red-rimmed—she’d been crying. Crap.
    She said, “Sara, we understand that you wanted to find your birth family, we’re just disappointed you didn’t tell us. It must have been very upsetting when you found out who your real father was.” Her pale cheeks told me she was still pretty upset herself.
    “I’m sorry, Mom. It was just something I needed to do for myself. I was trying to work through it first before I talked to anyone.”
    Mom said, “Your mother—the article said she’s a professor?”
    “Yeah. She doesn’t want anything to do with me.” I looked away, blinking hard.
    “It’s not personal, Sara.” Mom’s voice was gentle. “Any mother would be proud to have you as her daughter.”
    Tears filled my eyes. “I’m really sorry, Mom. I should’ve told you, but I didn’t want you to think I was ungrateful or something. You’re an amazing mother.” It wasn’t lip service. Mom loved every art project we dragged home, every costume she had to make at the last minute, every pair of torn favorite blue jeans only she could fix. Mom loved being a mother. I’d never asked, but I was sure she was the one who wanted to adopt. I’d bet money Dad just did it for her.
    I said, “You’ll always be my real parents—you raised me. I was just curious about my history. But when I found out about my biological father, I thought maybe you guys wouldn’t want to know.” I looked at my dad, then back at her. “I didn’t want to upset you.”
    Mom said, “We’re worried and scared for you, but it would never change how we feel about you.” I looked at Dad again. He nodded, but his face was distant.
    I said, “Evan’s out on the boat, but I’m going to tell him it’s on the Internet as soon as I get home.”
    Dad said, “The article’s gone, but we’re still going to sue the bastards.”
    I dropped my head to rest against the back of the chair and let out my breath. It was going to be okay. For a moment I felt protected—Dad was actually sticking up for me—but then he said, “The dumbasses never should’ve used my company name,” and I knew what he was really protecting.
    I felt another stab of guilt when I saw Mom’s hand press against her belly as she grimaced. Dad also noticed and his eyes turned hard as they locked on to mine. He didn’t have to say the words. He’s said them many times, many ways. But the silent ones always hit the hardest. Look what you did to your mother.
    Mom started talking about the wedding, but the conversation felt forced. Melanie and I steadfastly ignored each other.
    Finally I said, “I should get Ally home to bed.” When I went outside to call her in, Lauren followed and closed the door behind us.
    “Sorry I told Dad, but he asked if I knew and I didn’t want to lie to him.”
    “It’s okay. Was he mad at you for keeping it a secret?”
    She shook her head. “I think he’s just worried.”
    “Is that why you ignored my call today?”
    “I didn’t want to get caught in the middle.” She looked miserable. “I’m sorry.”
    I didn’t want her caught in the middle either. I wanted her to take my side, but that was never going to happen. When we were kids and Dad went on a tirade against me, Lauren hid in her room. Later she’d come out and help me with my chores, but somehow I just felt more alone.
    “You didn’t tell Melanie about my real father, did you?”
    “Of course not!”
    So Melanie had overheard and probably told Kyle, and then he told God only knows who. Nothing I could do about it now.
    *   *   *

    On the drive home, I was feeling a little calmer but still worried about how many people saw the article before it got pulled off. Then I remembered Mom saying they were worried and scared for me. I stopped at a red light,