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Authors: julie ann dawson
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“I vill strive to not take much of your time. It is simply that I feel I have been remiss in my duties. Ve have not officially talked since you earned your rank. And you have accomplished much in a short time.”
“Oh, well, thank you. It is kind of you to reach out. But I’m sure you have enough to worry about than making social calls.”
“On the contrary, Doctor. I feel obligated to let me fellow varlocks know that I consider them peers. Ve, more than most, find ourselves standing at the edge of the abyss, yes? It is important that my peers know they can reach out to me at any time.”
Whether it is his thick German accent, the fact that he keeps referring to me as ‘doctor,’ or the excessively friendly banter, I can’t help but feel like I am talking to a supervillain about to try and seduce me to join his army of evil.
“I appreciate that, Master Magus.”
“Please, call me Lucian.”
Yep, definitely about to try and seduce me to the army of evil…
“Well, Lucian, I will keep that in mind should I ever have concerns. And please, call me Nancy.”
“You are too gracious. Since I have you on the phone, there is an opportunity I vish to discuss.”
Here we go . “Of course, what would that be?”
“I only vished to see if you might have an interest in writing a column in Demonology Today . I think our peers vould find your insights valuable, particularly returning to the craft after such a long break. Your guidance could help others transition back to the craft.”
“Huh.”
“Is something wrong?”
I realize my response must have sounded disappointed. But I was expecting “I need a fifth to help summon a demon prince.” Not “can you write 500 words a month for a magazine?”
“Nothing at all. I’m flattered, Lucian. What exactly did you have in mind?”
“Vell, Varlock Gladys Temdro is retiring. I hoped you might be interested in taking over her advice column?”
The Dear Gladys column has been a mainstay of Demonology Today for fifteen years. Originally a simple how-to column providing advice to novices, it has over the years evolved into covering everything from dealing with unexpected vortex manifestations during a summoning to how to safely break up with a succubus and not get your throat ripped out.
I always suspected some of those letters were fake, to be honest.
“I hope everything is all right with Warlock Gladys. I can’t imagine her retiring.”
“She is vell. Her husband recently retired from the military. Twenty-seven years in your Marines. They vant to travel. See the vorld. Maybe visit friends in Tartarus for a few months. You know how it is.”
“That makes perfect sense. Good for her.”
“Does this interest you, then?”
“I…you know what? Sure. Sounds like it would be fun.”
“Ah! Vonderful! I thank you, Nancy. I vill have my apprentice send you all of the information you vill need. Darla vill contact you to verk out the particulars. I am in your debt.”
I come out and return to the counter. “Everything good, Boss?” asks Houston.
“Surprisingly good. Lucian wants me to take over the Dear Gladys column.”
“Oh my God! You’re publishing an advice column!” exclaims Anastasia from behind me. I turn to see her restocking the aromatherapy display.
“You’re early!” I say. “ She isn’t supposed to be here until 3:30 ,” I think to Houston.
“ She had a half day today apparently,” He responds.
“Teacher in-school service,” she replies. “Are you writing for Llewellyn?”
“Nothing so glamorous. Industry pub. Small business owners.”
“Oh, which one? I’ll totally subscribe to it.”
“Um, industry pubs are really expensive. It’s like a $100 a year.”
“Well, I can read your copies then, right?”
“I haven’t even gotten the contract yet. I’ll let you know when I get all of the details. You’re still planning on working until 8 tonight?”
“Yeah, but Dad asked if someone can give me a ride home because
“Oh, well, thank you. It is kind of you to reach out. But I’m sure you have enough to worry about than making social calls.”
“On the contrary, Doctor. I feel obligated to let me fellow varlocks know that I consider them peers. Ve, more than most, find ourselves standing at the edge of the abyss, yes? It is important that my peers know they can reach out to me at any time.”
Whether it is his thick German accent, the fact that he keeps referring to me as ‘doctor,’ or the excessively friendly banter, I can’t help but feel like I am talking to a supervillain about to try and seduce me to join his army of evil.
“I appreciate that, Master Magus.”
“Please, call me Lucian.”
Yep, definitely about to try and seduce me to the army of evil…
“Well, Lucian, I will keep that in mind should I ever have concerns. And please, call me Nancy.”
“You are too gracious. Since I have you on the phone, there is an opportunity I vish to discuss.”
Here we go . “Of course, what would that be?”
“I only vished to see if you might have an interest in writing a column in Demonology Today . I think our peers vould find your insights valuable, particularly returning to the craft after such a long break. Your guidance could help others transition back to the craft.”
“Huh.”
“Is something wrong?”
I realize my response must have sounded disappointed. But I was expecting “I need a fifth to help summon a demon prince.” Not “can you write 500 words a month for a magazine?”
“Nothing at all. I’m flattered, Lucian. What exactly did you have in mind?”
“Vell, Varlock Gladys Temdro is retiring. I hoped you might be interested in taking over her advice column?”
The Dear Gladys column has been a mainstay of Demonology Today for fifteen years. Originally a simple how-to column providing advice to novices, it has over the years evolved into covering everything from dealing with unexpected vortex manifestations during a summoning to how to safely break up with a succubus and not get your throat ripped out.
I always suspected some of those letters were fake, to be honest.
“I hope everything is all right with Warlock Gladys. I can’t imagine her retiring.”
“She is vell. Her husband recently retired from the military. Twenty-seven years in your Marines. They vant to travel. See the vorld. Maybe visit friends in Tartarus for a few months. You know how it is.”
“That makes perfect sense. Good for her.”
“Does this interest you, then?”
“I…you know what? Sure. Sounds like it would be fun.”
“Ah! Vonderful! I thank you, Nancy. I vill have my apprentice send you all of the information you vill need. Darla vill contact you to verk out the particulars. I am in your debt.”
I come out and return to the counter. “Everything good, Boss?” asks Houston.
“Surprisingly good. Lucian wants me to take over the Dear Gladys column.”
“Oh my God! You’re publishing an advice column!” exclaims Anastasia from behind me. I turn to see her restocking the aromatherapy display.
“You’re early!” I say. “ She isn’t supposed to be here until 3:30 ,” I think to Houston.
“ She had a half day today apparently,” He responds.
“Teacher in-school service,” she replies. “Are you writing for Llewellyn?”
“Nothing so glamorous. Industry pub. Small business owners.”
“Oh, which one? I’ll totally subscribe to it.”
“Um, industry pubs are really expensive. It’s like a $100 a year.”
“Well, I can read your copies then, right?”
“I haven’t even gotten the contract yet. I’ll let you know when I get all of the details. You’re still planning on working until 8 tonight?”
“Yeah, but Dad asked if someone can give me a ride home because
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