Read Online Names for Nothingness by Georgia Blain - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Georgia Blain
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truth, and she knew that she would opt for the latter. I have been in peace, she would say.
And as she imagined what it would be like to utter those words out loud, she smiled to herself.
I have been in peace.
I N THE YEAR AFTER THEY LEFT SASSAFRASS , Caitlin and Liam would often drop Sharn at work and then drive off to spend the day together. Caitlin was not yet at school and Liam had not had many jobs, only a couple of very short, poorly paid ones.
Sharn would watch them go. She did not know what they did all day, couldnât even imagine how they made the hours pass, but they both seemed perfectly happy.
Once they went swimming, driving over an hour to the beach.
âI wanted to show her the sea,â Liam said when Sharn questioned why on earth they had driven all that way in the heat.
âI asked her if she wanted to go and she looked at me in that way she has, with that distant kind of appraisal she gives to every decision, and then she told me that the beach sounded good, that, yes, she would like to see the sea.â Liam smiled.
âSee the sea,â Liam repeated, and he and Caitlin laughed at the silliness of the phrase.
âThey sound the same,â Caitlin said.
âI know,â Liam told her.
âBut theyâre different.â
And he agreed with her again.
That was when she had asked him why people used words, and he said that they used them to let each other know what they wanted or needed, or to explain what it was that they were feeling or doing.
She asked him why people had to tell each other what they were feeling, why they didnât just know.
He said that sometimes it was difficult to read feelings, that people often hid them, or didnât want to show them, and as he spoke he realised the inadequacy of his explanation.
âBut if people donât want to show them, then theyâre not going to use words, are they?â she asked, and he had to agree with her. âAnd if you donât want or need anything, then you donât need words either,â she said.
âBut everyone wants or needs,â he said. âSometimes itâs just the smallest thing, like a sip of water, and sometimes itâs big, impossibly so.â
She didnât reply.
It wasnât until they were in the sea that Caitlin brought up the conversation again. She had her arms around his neck and he was swimming her out past his depth, just thinking about how calm she was, how untouched she seemed to be by the sea, even though she had never seen it before, when she whispered in his ear. He didnât catch what she said at first. Her voice was soft, drowned out by the lap of the waves, and it took him a few seconds before he realised what it was that he had heard.
âCan you not want anything?â she asked.
He didnât know what she meant, and for a moment he thought that he had perhaps just misheard her after all; then she spoke again, softer this time, but clearer.
âLike me,â she said. âBefore I talked.â
âThere must have been something you wanted,â he said. She just shook her head and grinned. She was a strange child.
Liam told Sharn the story that night, and Sharn did not know what to say.
âDo you think sheâs all right?â Sharn eventually asked.
âWhat do you mean?â
âI donât know,â and she sat back in her chair and looked towards the window.
Later, as they were getting into bed, she told Liam she was glad that Caitlin had him.
âBut she has you too,â he said.
Sharn could not look at him.
It wasnât the same, not the same at all, and she moved in close, wanting the warmth of his body to comfort her through the dark of the night.
T HERE HAD BEEN LOVE ONCE . Caitlin could remember it.
Down by the river at Sassafrass, she had heard Liamâs footsteps before she saw him. Sitting by the tepid green water, she watched him take Sharn in his arms and then reach out for her
And as she imagined what it would be like to utter those words out loud, she smiled to herself.
I have been in peace.
I N THE YEAR AFTER THEY LEFT SASSAFRASS , Caitlin and Liam would often drop Sharn at work and then drive off to spend the day together. Caitlin was not yet at school and Liam had not had many jobs, only a couple of very short, poorly paid ones.
Sharn would watch them go. She did not know what they did all day, couldnât even imagine how they made the hours pass, but they both seemed perfectly happy.
Once they went swimming, driving over an hour to the beach.
âI wanted to show her the sea,â Liam said when Sharn questioned why on earth they had driven all that way in the heat.
âI asked her if she wanted to go and she looked at me in that way she has, with that distant kind of appraisal she gives to every decision, and then she told me that the beach sounded good, that, yes, she would like to see the sea.â Liam smiled.
âSee the sea,â Liam repeated, and he and Caitlin laughed at the silliness of the phrase.
âThey sound the same,â Caitlin said.
âI know,â Liam told her.
âBut theyâre different.â
And he agreed with her again.
That was when she had asked him why people used words, and he said that they used them to let each other know what they wanted or needed, or to explain what it was that they were feeling or doing.
She asked him why people had to tell each other what they were feeling, why they didnât just know.
He said that sometimes it was difficult to read feelings, that people often hid them, or didnât want to show them, and as he spoke he realised the inadequacy of his explanation.
âBut if people donât want to show them, then theyâre not going to use words, are they?â she asked, and he had to agree with her. âAnd if you donât want or need anything, then you donât need words either,â she said.
âBut everyone wants or needs,â he said. âSometimes itâs just the smallest thing, like a sip of water, and sometimes itâs big, impossibly so.â
She didnât reply.
It wasnât until they were in the sea that Caitlin brought up the conversation again. She had her arms around his neck and he was swimming her out past his depth, just thinking about how calm she was, how untouched she seemed to be by the sea, even though she had never seen it before, when she whispered in his ear. He didnât catch what she said at first. Her voice was soft, drowned out by the lap of the waves, and it took him a few seconds before he realised what it was that he had heard.
âCan you not want anything?â she asked.
He didnât know what she meant, and for a moment he thought that he had perhaps just misheard her after all; then she spoke again, softer this time, but clearer.
âLike me,â she said. âBefore I talked.â
âThere must have been something you wanted,â he said. She just shook her head and grinned. She was a strange child.
Liam told Sharn the story that night, and Sharn did not know what to say.
âDo you think sheâs all right?â Sharn eventually asked.
âWhat do you mean?â
âI donât know,â and she sat back in her chair and looked towards the window.
Later, as they were getting into bed, she told Liam she was glad that Caitlin had him.
âBut she has you too,â he said.
Sharn could not look at him.
It wasnât the same, not the same at all, and she moved in close, wanting the warmth of his body to comfort her through the dark of the night.
T HERE HAD BEEN LOVE ONCE . Caitlin could remember it.
Down by the river at Sassafrass, she had heard Liamâs footsteps before she saw him. Sitting by the tepid green water, she watched him take Sharn in his arms and then reach out for her
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