Read Online My Time as Caz Hazard by Tanya Kyi - Free Book Online

she said.
    â€œI’d like to sleep at home.”
    â€œThat’s fine,” she said, as if we were discussing pizza toppings. “Ask Ted if he’d like to join us.” Ted said no, of course, but I told him that I would serve as the advance force. (I think he understands these things better in video-game language.)
    â€œHello, are you still there?” Mel’s voice echoed in my ear. I’d almost forgotten her on the other end of the phone line.
    â€œListen, I’m not hanging out with Amanda anymore and I’m sorry I treated you so badly and I hate fighting with you.” I said all that in one breath, not giving myself a chance to chicken out.
    She was quiet for a minute and I could almost see her biting her bottom lip, considering. “How’s the belly button ring?” she asked, finally.
    â€œI took it out. It killed whenever I did up my jeans.”
    Mel cracked up, and it appeared that I was forgiven.
    Forgiveness seemed to be coming easily — almost too easily.
    After the scene with Amanda in the parking lot of the church, I’d kept my word and not mentioned being mean to Dodie. Still, Ms. Samuels caught me after class one morning.
    â€œWe’ve all said things we regret,” she said softly. “But Dodie’s been troubled for a long time.”
    I shrugged, but as soon as she said Dodie’s name, my eyes started to water.
    â€œThis isn’t your fault,” she continued, touching me on the shoulder.
    I nodded and turned to go, then changed my mind. “It’s not that it’s my fault, necessarily,” I said quietly. “It’s just that I made this situation worse. Maybe I could have made it better.”
    â€œCaz…one more thing,” she said as I turned to go. “I think your art teacher wouldlike to speak with you. We’re putting together a memorial display and he would like to include one of your sketches.”
    I knew which one it was without asking. It was a charcoal portrait of Dodie in her new shirt, ripped sleeve included. I had drawn it in the days between her death and the funeral.
    I nodded. When Ms. Samuels had gone, I collapsed into a chair and plunked my forehead down on the table. My chest hurt. It was as if my throat had grown smaller on the day Dodie died, leaving only a straw width for air to pass through. Every time I managed to suck in a breath, I sucked in guilt.
    â€œI’m a terrible person,” I muttered to the table.
    Suddenly I heard a chair creak. I looked up to find Rob gazing at me — directly at me. Rob never looked directly at anyone.
    â€œI didn’t know you were here,” I said.
    â€œYou’re not so bad. Not terrible. I think you’re good underneath,” he said.
    Stunned, I looked behind me to see if anyone else had witnessed him speaking. There was no one there.
    â€œI thought you didn’t talk,” I said stupidly. Rob looked at me for another minute, silent. Slowly, he started rocking again, his finger tapping on the table.
    I repeated his assessment in my head. “You’re not so bad. I think you’re good underneath.” Was it true? It hadn’t been true lately. As I sat there, my throat seemed to open up a notch and I took a deep breath.
    Maybe I could make it true.

About the Author

    Tanya Lloyd Kyi grew up in Creston, British Columbia, where someone she knew once punched a hockey player, inspiring the opening scene of
My Time as Caz Hazard
. Tanya has worked as a waitress, an aerobics instructor, a newspaper reporter and a graphic designer. She now lives with her family in Vancouver, British Columbia. She is the author of
Truth, Crystal Connection, Canadian Girls Who Rocked the World
and
Fires!

NEW Orca Soundings novel
Charmed by Carrie Mac
    Cody Dillon comes and rescues me (RESCUES ME!). He takes me to his apartment (HIS OWN APARTMENT!) and runs me a bubble bath. He lights a bunch of candles and turns the light off.