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Authors: Lauren Bjorkman
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undergarment as if it were a silken banner proclaiming L ONG LIVE P RINCESS R O Z.
The prank has Eva written all over it. We did one like it in reverse two years ago after her then-boyfriend hooked up with another girl at a party. Except we used a satin thong edged with pink lace. Rehearsal season will be long this year. To boost my confidence for my grand entrance, I imagine myself as Marilyn Monroe in mink.
“I don’t believe in underwear,” I announce to everyone in the Barn.
Eva looks at me with the same level of interest she’d bestow upon a passing housefly. I land next to Eyeliner Andie. The odor of herbal smoke seeping from her wool coat says she’s high.
“Congrats on Audrey,” I say. “It’s an awesome role.”
“Thanks,” she says.
When nothing more seems forthcoming, I consider several subtle openers that could lead to mentioning thelesbian chess camp book. “I read that romance you gave Eva,” I say at last. Subtlety is one of my lesser talents.
She bites down on a loose press-on nail and yanks it off with her teeth.
“I loved the part where they dressed up like two queens for the costume party,” I say.
“What?”
“Never mind,” I say. “Have you read anything good lately?”
“
Lesbian Fashion for Dummies
. Your dyke-do,” she says, giggling, “was big in 1986.”
I tug at the beaver fringe at the back of my head, wishing it would come off like a poorly attached weave. Just in time, Nico rolls our way—a Greek column on wheels. Eyeliner Andie hugs his hand between her cheek and shoulder. His fingers are nice, with well-kept nails squared at the ends. Her hands are tiny by comparison.
Sapphire calls for our attention. “Most of you have heard this speech many times, so I’ll cut short the part about my expectations—punctuality, perfect attendance, hard work, respect, and—the big one—no gum.”
Bryan saunters to the wastebasket and spits out his gum. Carmen laughs.
“I’ve just learned from administration that they’ve hired a contractor to renovate the Barn . . . ”
Cheers
. “ . . . starting on Valentine’s Day.”
Two gasps and one boo-hiss
. “We’ve already lost two rehearsal days this week, so our timetable will be tight. We’re using a pruned version of the play, but that still means daily rehearsals, long hours, and additional work at home and on weekends.”
Groans
. “I know you’re up to the challenge. So let the fun begin!”
I escape to a private corner to eat a few bites of cottage cheese before going onstage. Stomach growls are a major source of embarrassment, third only to passing gas and spitting on fellow actors. Bryan goes on first as the rebellious Orlando under the thumb of his oldest brother. I watch from the sidelines, and my bones soften like a chocolate bar left on a car dashboard in the summer. He should be against the law.
By the time he finishes his scene, there’s no part of me left unmelted. I attempt to resolidify because Eva and I are on next. I’ve already memorized the first act, so I expect to nail Rosalind right away. But when I start speaking, Eva opens her eyes in alarm and shakes her head at me. Did I say my lines wrong? I don’t think so. Eva’s performance so unnerves me, though, that I hesitate in the wrong places and falter where I should sound confident. Worse yet, midscene I forget my lines altogether.
“I would we could do so . . . forsooth.”
Before I can shout for someone to cue me, Carmen recites the entire line perfectly.
“I would we could do so; for her benefits are mightily misplac’d, and the bountiful blind woman doth most mistake in her gifts to women.”
On the fourth run-through, Sapphire’s patience has run its course.
“Roz. Why are you off book when you don’t know your part yet?”
Carmen recognizes the opportunity like a thirsty leech recognizes rosy flesh. “I know the part from beginning to end. Let me play Rosalind today.”
Beslubbering canker-blossom
. For a second her
The prank has Eva written all over it. We did one like it in reverse two years ago after her then-boyfriend hooked up with another girl at a party. Except we used a satin thong edged with pink lace. Rehearsal season will be long this year. To boost my confidence for my grand entrance, I imagine myself as Marilyn Monroe in mink.
“I don’t believe in underwear,” I announce to everyone in the Barn.
Eva looks at me with the same level of interest she’d bestow upon a passing housefly. I land next to Eyeliner Andie. The odor of herbal smoke seeping from her wool coat says she’s high.
“Congrats on Audrey,” I say. “It’s an awesome role.”
“Thanks,” she says.
When nothing more seems forthcoming, I consider several subtle openers that could lead to mentioning thelesbian chess camp book. “I read that romance you gave Eva,” I say at last. Subtlety is one of my lesser talents.
She bites down on a loose press-on nail and yanks it off with her teeth.
“I loved the part where they dressed up like two queens for the costume party,” I say.
“What?”
“Never mind,” I say. “Have you read anything good lately?”
“
Lesbian Fashion for Dummies
. Your dyke-do,” she says, giggling, “was big in 1986.”
I tug at the beaver fringe at the back of my head, wishing it would come off like a poorly attached weave. Just in time, Nico rolls our way—a Greek column on wheels. Eyeliner Andie hugs his hand between her cheek and shoulder. His fingers are nice, with well-kept nails squared at the ends. Her hands are tiny by comparison.
Sapphire calls for our attention. “Most of you have heard this speech many times, so I’ll cut short the part about my expectations—punctuality, perfect attendance, hard work, respect, and—the big one—no gum.”
Bryan saunters to the wastebasket and spits out his gum. Carmen laughs.
“I’ve just learned from administration that they’ve hired a contractor to renovate the Barn . . . ”
Cheers
. “ . . . starting on Valentine’s Day.”
Two gasps and one boo-hiss
. “We’ve already lost two rehearsal days this week, so our timetable will be tight. We’re using a pruned version of the play, but that still means daily rehearsals, long hours, and additional work at home and on weekends.”
Groans
. “I know you’re up to the challenge. So let the fun begin!”
I escape to a private corner to eat a few bites of cottage cheese before going onstage. Stomach growls are a major source of embarrassment, third only to passing gas and spitting on fellow actors. Bryan goes on first as the rebellious Orlando under the thumb of his oldest brother. I watch from the sidelines, and my bones soften like a chocolate bar left on a car dashboard in the summer. He should be against the law.
By the time he finishes his scene, there’s no part of me left unmelted. I attempt to resolidify because Eva and I are on next. I’ve already memorized the first act, so I expect to nail Rosalind right away. But when I start speaking, Eva opens her eyes in alarm and shakes her head at me. Did I say my lines wrong? I don’t think so. Eva’s performance so unnerves me, though, that I hesitate in the wrong places and falter where I should sound confident. Worse yet, midscene I forget my lines altogether.
“I would we could do so . . . forsooth.”
Before I can shout for someone to cue me, Carmen recites the entire line perfectly.
“I would we could do so; for her benefits are mightily misplac’d, and the bountiful blind woman doth most mistake in her gifts to women.”
On the fourth run-through, Sapphire’s patience has run its course.
“Roz. Why are you off book when you don’t know your part yet?”
Carmen recognizes the opportunity like a thirsty leech recognizes rosy flesh. “I know the part from beginning to end. Let me play Rosalind today.”
Beslubbering canker-blossom
. For a second her
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