Read Online My Gym Teacher Is an Alien Overlord by David Solomons - Free Book Online Page A

right for Lara and Zack—they had a purpose, a shield to protect them against the unknown. Me? I was defenseless and completely clueless.
    â€œBut there is one thing . . .” began Lara. She cleared her throat awkwardly. “I don’t know quite how to say this. You and I have been through a lot together. You’re like my—oh, hang on.”
    Zack was calling again, asking for an ETA. Our time had come to an end. Lara had to fly.
    â€œMustn’t fiddle while foam burns,” she said.
    â€œRome,” I said with a sigh. “It’s while
Rome
burns.”
    She shot me a puzzled look. “It’s a fire in a mattress factory.”
    I left her so she could go be super-heroic, and walked the short distance home, feeling wretched. She hadn’t finished her sentence. “You’re like my—” What? Dorky neighbor? Weirdo friend? As I hung up my coat in the hallway, unkind thoughts swirled in my head. She was so full of herself, but really, what a ridiculous superpower. The ability to talk to hedgehogs—ooh, how amazing. And listening to her
go on
about Zack, how he’s so understanding and
wise
. Resentment boiled over like a forgotten pot of spaghetti. There was only one thing to do: I needed to play
Puny Earthlings!
and blast them both out of the sky. Right now.
    In the living room, my dad was Skyping his dad in Scotland. When I was little, my grandparents wanted to see me a lot, so every afternoon I’d be propped in front of an iPad while they made goo-goo noises and pulled faces. For years I thought they were an app.
    My dad still talked to his dad when he needed advice. They were discussing Dad’s job situation. I knew he’d applied for a new one but hadn’t heard anything back yet, which meant he’d be at home the whole week. Usually, old Mrs. Wilson from next door looked after us during vacations. She’s deaf in one ear, only wears slippers, and has the vision of a mole. In other words, the perfect sitter. But based on yesterday’s epic gaming session, Dad was going to be much more fun.
    â€œThere’s my favorite grandson!” bellowed Grandpa Bernard from the screen as I entered the camera’s field of view.
    â€œDad,” said my dad. “You can’t have favorites.”
    I didn’t care. I was glad to be someone’s favorite.
    â€œUh, I know that,” said Grandpa. “But look at the boy.” He beamed. “So how’s life with you, Zack?”
    Zack?
Zack?!
Even
he
preferred my big brother.
    Dad told Grandpa Bernard to adjust his glasses, and after that he mumbled an apology. We chatted for a while. He and Grandma were coming to visit soon for my cousin Jenny’s wedding. The reception was going to be held at the golf club, and I had to wear a suit and pinchy shoes. There was no getting out of it. It was the Van Kull Maximum Security Facility of weddings.
    We said good-bye and put down the iPad. “How about a game of
Puny Earthlings!
?” I suggested to Dad.
    â€œAh,” he said.
    That didn’t sound good. Concerned, I glanced under the TV. Instead of my Xbox there was now a console-shaped hole. “Where is it?”
    â€œAh,” repeated Dad. “You know how your mother never suspected a thing about our gaming session yesterday?”
    My face fell. “Oh no . . .” She knew. She
always
knew. This was awful. “When did she say I could have it back?”
    Dad squirmed. “You can’t.”
    â€œWhere is it? Where did you put it? In the hall cupboard? Your room?”
    â€œOn eBay.”
    â€œNo! You can’t. It’s mine. I—” I felt hot tears prick my eyes. This was so unfair.
    â€œLuke, son, it’s not Mom’s fault; it’s mine. I shouldn’t have let you play with it. But I was feeling sorry for myself and . . . I’m not sure if video games are actually dangerous, but I do know that