back to my new apartment. It is bitter fucking cold and as I walk I wrap myself in the blankets and I clutch the pillow against my chest. I am tired. I donât know why Iâm here or what the fuck Iâm doing. I need a job and I need some money. I am lonely I miss Lilly so much, so much. It is the dead of night and it is bitter fucking cold and I donât know what the fuck Iâm doing.
I find the giraffes I say hello. I find my building and I open the door and I find my apartment and I open the door. I step inside. I donât turn on the light and I donât take off my jacket or my boots. I lie down on the floor.
The blankets are wrapped around me and Iâm clutching the pillow.
I want to drink, but I know drinking will kill me.
I want Lilly, but I know sheâs not coming back.
I am tired and I want to sleep.
Sleep is not coming.
I lie on the floor.
Â
I need a job and I need some money.
I find a paper and I look through the classifieds. I write down addresses and walk around the city. Itâs cold and the wind is a whip but the walking calms me. I apply for several jobs. Two at bars working as a doorman. One at a clothing store working in the stock room. One at a coffee shop serving the coffee and working the register. Two at gas stations pumping the gas. I shake hands and I smile and I am told to wait. I give them Kevinâs phone number. I wait.
At the end of the day I meet Kevin. He takes me out for pizza. I didnât eat today Iâm flat fucking broke. After we eat, we meet our friends at the bar. They drink and smoke and I drink water and smoke. We shoot pool and talk and laugh, I am starting to be able to laugh again. I stay late sitting watching laughing smoking. I donât laugh much, but every now and then is fine.
The night ends and I walk back to Kevinâs apartment with him, check the messages, nobodyâs called me. I walk home. It is home for at least the next two months I have nowhere else to go. I lie down on the floor and I wrap myself in the blankets and I clutch the pillow.
Sleep does not come easily.
Seconds become minutes become hours.
Hours.
I lie on the floor and I clutch the pillow.
I miss her.
Iâm alone.
I miss her.
Dark becomes light.
I lie on the floor.
At last I sleep.
I sleep.
Sleep.
I hear my door open. Iâm not sure if what I hear is a dream or not. I hear footsteps across my floor. Iâm awake I know itâs not a dream. I hear voices. Words being whispered someoneâs in my apartment. What the fuck is going on here. I hear words someone is in my apartment. Iâm awake. This is not a dream. Someone is here.
I crack my eyes, look through the slits. My heart starts pounding. I see two pairs of leather shoes, expensive shoes. Who the fuck is here. I try to place the shoes, I canât. I try to place the voices, I canât hear them well enough to place them. I crack my eyes more, look up without moving my head. Why the fuck would someone be in my apartment. Cabinet doors start opening and closing. I look up more, more, more. I see the backs of two heads. I see a familiar bald spot. I open my eyes and I sit up and I speak.
Leonard.
Leonard turns around. Heâs wearing a black trenchcoat and black suit and heâs holding a bag of coffee.
My son.
What are you doing here?
You remember Snapper?
How did you find me?
Had someone look. Wasnât hard.
Howâd you get in here?
He motions to the man next to him.
Had him open the door. That wasnât hard either.
I look at the man, who has turned around as well. Heâs tall and thick and has short black hair and is also wearing a black trenchcoat and a black suit. I met him when he picked Leonard up from the treatment center. Heâs an intimidating man, a man who looks more like a bear than a person, a man I would avoid were he not with my friend.
How you doing, Snapper?
Iâm okay, Kid.
I look back at Leonard.
What are you doing
I find the giraffes I say hello. I find my building and I open the door and I find my apartment and I open the door. I step inside. I donât turn on the light and I donât take off my jacket or my boots. I lie down on the floor.
The blankets are wrapped around me and Iâm clutching the pillow.
I want to drink, but I know drinking will kill me.
I want Lilly, but I know sheâs not coming back.
I am tired and I want to sleep.
Sleep is not coming.
I lie on the floor.
Â
I need a job and I need some money.
I find a paper and I look through the classifieds. I write down addresses and walk around the city. Itâs cold and the wind is a whip but the walking calms me. I apply for several jobs. Two at bars working as a doorman. One at a clothing store working in the stock room. One at a coffee shop serving the coffee and working the register. Two at gas stations pumping the gas. I shake hands and I smile and I am told to wait. I give them Kevinâs phone number. I wait.
At the end of the day I meet Kevin. He takes me out for pizza. I didnât eat today Iâm flat fucking broke. After we eat, we meet our friends at the bar. They drink and smoke and I drink water and smoke. We shoot pool and talk and laugh, I am starting to be able to laugh again. I stay late sitting watching laughing smoking. I donât laugh much, but every now and then is fine.
The night ends and I walk back to Kevinâs apartment with him, check the messages, nobodyâs called me. I walk home. It is home for at least the next two months I have nowhere else to go. I lie down on the floor and I wrap myself in the blankets and I clutch the pillow.
Sleep does not come easily.
Seconds become minutes become hours.
Hours.
I lie on the floor and I clutch the pillow.
I miss her.
Iâm alone.
I miss her.
Dark becomes light.
I lie on the floor.
At last I sleep.
I sleep.
Sleep.
I hear my door open. Iâm not sure if what I hear is a dream or not. I hear footsteps across my floor. Iâm awake I know itâs not a dream. I hear voices. Words being whispered someoneâs in my apartment. What the fuck is going on here. I hear words someone is in my apartment. Iâm awake. This is not a dream. Someone is here.
I crack my eyes, look through the slits. My heart starts pounding. I see two pairs of leather shoes, expensive shoes. Who the fuck is here. I try to place the shoes, I canât. I try to place the voices, I canât hear them well enough to place them. I crack my eyes more, look up without moving my head. Why the fuck would someone be in my apartment. Cabinet doors start opening and closing. I look up more, more, more. I see the backs of two heads. I see a familiar bald spot. I open my eyes and I sit up and I speak.
Leonard.
Leonard turns around. Heâs wearing a black trenchcoat and black suit and heâs holding a bag of coffee.
My son.
What are you doing here?
You remember Snapper?
How did you find me?
Had someone look. Wasnât hard.
Howâd you get in here?
He motions to the man next to him.
Had him open the door. That wasnât hard either.
I look at the man, who has turned around as well. Heâs tall and thick and has short black hair and is also wearing a black trenchcoat and a black suit. I met him when he picked Leonard up from the treatment center. Heâs an intimidating man, a man who looks more like a bear than a person, a man I would avoid were he not with my friend.
How you doing, Snapper?
Iâm okay, Kid.
I look back at Leonard.
What are you doing
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