Read Online My Everything by Heidi McLaughlin - Free Book Online Page B

my excuse that he hates me. I don’t think I can live with myself if he does.
    Tomorrow is a new day.

Chapter 10
     
    I stand on the football field and wait for school to get out. Noah is meeting me here. We were supposed to meet yesterday, but he wasn’t feeling well. I won’t lie, I was hurt and thought that he had changed his mind, but Josie assured me that he had eaten too much junk food the night before and was now paying the price. Something I remember him doing on occasion.
    When I see him walking across the field I want to run and pull him into my arms. He’s wearing a black beanie and his hands are tucked into his coat pockets. I’m glad to see he’s not out in the cold without staying warm. I know telling him what to do is no longer my responsibility, but I’m not sure the doctor in me would be able to keep my mouth shut.
    Noah looks up and sees me, he starts to run and I can’t keep my feet planted any longer. My stride is long and solid against the ground. His backpack is flopping from side to side as he pumps his arms back and forth just as I taught him. I fall to my knees when we collide and hold him in my arms. His arms wrap around my neck and he squeezes me tight. I’m unable to fight the tears as they stream down my face. I was such a fool for leaving him. He didn’t deserve the way I acted. I should’ve respected his choice in wanting to know his dad instead of making it difficult. I have so much to make up for.
    Noah takes a shuddering breath and it breaks my heart to know that I’ve made him cry. I hold him tighter, hoping to show him that I’m here for him and not going anywhere.
    “I’m so sorry, Noah.”
    He nods against my neck and all I can do is hold him and wait for him to be ready to talk. I don’t know how long we stay in the field like this, but it’s not nearly enough when he pulls back from me. He wipes his tears, his hands pulling down his cheeks. I don’t know how many times Josie has told him not to do that, but he doesn’t listen.
    “I’m so mad at you.”
    “I know,” I reply, swallowing the lump in my throat.
    “Why did you leave me?”
    As soon as he asks, his tears start flowing. I hate seeing him cry. I stand and pick him up and carry him over to the bleachers. He’s so much heavier than I remember, but I suppose you forget the mundane things you’ve done for so long when you suddenly stop doing them. I know he’s too big to be carried, but I’m doing it for me. I need him to know that I love him and that, regardless, he’ll always be my boy.
    I sit us down on the cold metal wishing I had brought a blanket. I brought a football for us to throw around not sure what to expect. Noah isn’t an over emotional child, but I think under the circumstances I will let him cry as much as he wants.
    I hold him in my lap, much like I did when he was little and would come in crying because he scraped his knees. I’d patch him up and talk about being tough and the next time he fell, he fought the tears. Of course, Josie wailed enough for the both of them every time he’d come in banged up. If she had her choice, he’d walk around in bubble wrap.
    Noah pulls back and slides off my lap, sitting next to me.  He folds his hands in his lap and looks at me, waiting for my answer.
    “I’m so sorry, Noah, for leaving the way I did. The only excuse I can offer is that I was angry with your mom and thought it would be best if I just left. I didn’t think about how it would affect you.”
    “Why, because of my dad?”
    I shrug. “I thought that maybe you didn’t need me anymore.”
    “But you’re my dad too and you just left. I came home and you were gone and not answering your phone.” His voice breaks, his lower lip starts to quiver.
    I pull Noah into my arms and hold him tight. He wraps his arms around me as much as he can and sobs into my coat.
    “How can I make it up to you?”
    He pulls back and sniffs loudly, making me chuckle. He has little habits that Josie