Read Online My Dear Stranger by Sarah Ann Walker - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Sarah Ann Walker
Tags: Romance, Literature & Fiction
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about me now, as He once had.
Such a whirl-wind of questions, my heart broke once again. And though i had desperately wanted Him to come to me, i must admit there was a part of me, a very small part, which felt resentment toward Him.
Why had He not protected me? Why did He not know of the events and stop them before i was left to scream? Why had He not come sooner? Why had it been nearly 2 months since His last visit?
Such a whirl-wind of questions and resentment, my mind lost consciousness.
After nightmares of the brutal events, my body lay battered and torn on my sheets. Healed bruises ached and invisible scars bled. My heart raced as my tears and sweat collided on my face. And during this panic, my dear stranger watched.
Once i collected myself and focused my tear-filled vision, i saw in the corner my stranger's face looking somewhat sad, and yet still so filled with peace. Looking i was astounded.
Looking, i suddenly became enraged!
How could He looked sad yet peace-filled at the same time? Did He feel sad for my torn body but filled with peace for His own flawlessness? Why did He look at me so simply?
Finally, i screamed...
'What is it? Why are you looking at me that way? Where have you been? Why didn't you help me? Why didn't you SAVE me?!'
Tears poured down my face and my lungs gasped for air. But my stranger just watched me and said nothing in reply. A few minutes passed and slowly He walked back toward me.
As He sat on my bed, again i collapsed into His arms and wept. With my face buried deep in His chest, He rocked and soothed me into silence.
Minutes later my stranger kissed any trace of my tears away. Within His warm embrace, all my anger and sadness faded away, as i was slowly filled with the security He had always given to me. Slowly, a peaceful calm engulfed me. And in that moment i knew i was still alive, and the world remained audacious.
Resting in His arms, i knew in moments such as these, during His visits, i was safe. No brutality would threaten and no hands would savage. Knives could not graze my skin and my panic would eventually settle. My stranger was here and for the first time since the attack He would protect my body and my mind.
His visit was once again thrilling, yet it was completely different from all His other visits. i didn't crave His touch, and i couldn't be with Him sexually. And with no words, He understood not to touch me intimately.
Hours were spent as i wept away the memories until i fell soundlessly asleep- a sleep which i knew would lack the horrific realities i had lived through while His arms held me tight. It was a sleep of dreamless unconsciousness...
When i awoke this morning, i felt warmed and a little more stable. Sadness carried less weight and my humiliation slowly turned to anger. i felt lonely and i actually missed my stranger’s embrace, but i was happy to feel a little stronger. Breathing in the morning, i know my dear stranger will wait for my return into our world, just as i will await His next visit.
October 1999
19 years old
*****
I remember that time. I remember what I felt like. I couldn’t talk to anyone anymore- I trusted no one. To be fair, my friends did try for a while. They put in the time. They made the calls and they attempted a few visits, but I refused to see them. I refused to talk to them. I refused everyone because I trusted no one anymore.
He was my friend. And he was vicious.
He said unbelievable things as he hurt me. He made confessions of love. He confessed his insanity for me. He said every single thing every single woman ever wants to hear under different circumstances, in a different situation. He loved me. He adored me. He was in love with me. He wanted to have a life with me. He wanted us to be together. Forever.
He was my friend. And he was brutal.
I
Such a whirl-wind of questions, my heart broke once again. And though i had desperately wanted Him to come to me, i must admit there was a part of me, a very small part, which felt resentment toward Him.
Why had He not protected me? Why did He not know of the events and stop them before i was left to scream? Why had He not come sooner? Why had it been nearly 2 months since His last visit?
Such a whirl-wind of questions and resentment, my mind lost consciousness.
After nightmares of the brutal events, my body lay battered and torn on my sheets. Healed bruises ached and invisible scars bled. My heart raced as my tears and sweat collided on my face. And during this panic, my dear stranger watched.
Once i collected myself and focused my tear-filled vision, i saw in the corner my stranger's face looking somewhat sad, and yet still so filled with peace. Looking i was astounded.
Looking, i suddenly became enraged!
How could He looked sad yet peace-filled at the same time? Did He feel sad for my torn body but filled with peace for His own flawlessness? Why did He look at me so simply?
Finally, i screamed...
'What is it? Why are you looking at me that way? Where have you been? Why didn't you help me? Why didn't you SAVE me?!'
Tears poured down my face and my lungs gasped for air. But my stranger just watched me and said nothing in reply. A few minutes passed and slowly He walked back toward me.
As He sat on my bed, again i collapsed into His arms and wept. With my face buried deep in His chest, He rocked and soothed me into silence.
Minutes later my stranger kissed any trace of my tears away. Within His warm embrace, all my anger and sadness faded away, as i was slowly filled with the security He had always given to me. Slowly, a peaceful calm engulfed me. And in that moment i knew i was still alive, and the world remained audacious.
Resting in His arms, i knew in moments such as these, during His visits, i was safe. No brutality would threaten and no hands would savage. Knives could not graze my skin and my panic would eventually settle. My stranger was here and for the first time since the attack He would protect my body and my mind.
His visit was once again thrilling, yet it was completely different from all His other visits. i didn't crave His touch, and i couldn't be with Him sexually. And with no words, He understood not to touch me intimately.
Hours were spent as i wept away the memories until i fell soundlessly asleep- a sleep which i knew would lack the horrific realities i had lived through while His arms held me tight. It was a sleep of dreamless unconsciousness...
When i awoke this morning, i felt warmed and a little more stable. Sadness carried less weight and my humiliation slowly turned to anger. i felt lonely and i actually missed my stranger’s embrace, but i was happy to feel a little stronger. Breathing in the morning, i know my dear stranger will wait for my return into our world, just as i will await His next visit.
October 1999
19 years old
*****
I remember that time. I remember what I felt like. I couldn’t talk to anyone anymore- I trusted no one. To be fair, my friends did try for a while. They put in the time. They made the calls and they attempted a few visits, but I refused to see them. I refused to talk to them. I refused everyone because I trusted no one anymore.
He was my friend. And he was vicious.
He said unbelievable things as he hurt me. He made confessions of love. He confessed his insanity for me. He said every single thing every single woman ever wants to hear under different circumstances, in a different situation. He loved me. He adored me. He was in love with me. He wanted to have a life with me. He wanted us to be together. Forever.
He was my friend. And he was brutal.
I
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