concealment. Probably I should have told you to tell Iris, as there is no doubt that she would have divined something. However, I donât think it will be long before I get a letter from someone commenting on the new alliance. You can think the position âsafeâ, but nothing travels faster than a shared secret. But please do not accelerate the publicity if you can help. If you canât help it, well, I havenât it in me to rage at you. I just would prefer you to keep it dark.
One thing that I really do want you to guard against is âsharingâ me with anyone, whoever it may be. For goodnessâ sake donât quote any âfunny bitsâ I may rise to in my letters. Please do not refer directly to anything I say, recognise that this emotion I feel is for you, not for anyone else. So donât quote me. If you think a thing I have said is worth repeating, do so as though it was you who had thought of it. I do not want that to read the least bit unpleasantly, what I intend expressing is my desire to come to you direct and fully, and stay with you, not dispersed. On other occasions you will find I am a jealous and selfish lover who demands the un-demandable. I shall snarl at appropriate intervals to suitably impress you. I am not afraid of the interpretation you will give to any act or thought of mine, but I do not want an audience of two nor desire the help of anyone else. Do not expectothers to share your view of my virtues, please do not try.
You say if you lose me you will have lost all. Nonsense. First, I am not âallâ. Second, you are not going to lose me through any act of mine. I am going to hold onto you as tightly as I can â a sort of death-grip!
No, I should not wish you to go out to work, though I should resist you becoming a home-tied, house-proud drudge. I donât know about children. I am glad you donât sink to the bottom upon entering the water. I canât swim very well, you know, but I can keep afloat and I have confidence. We shall swim together one day. Iâll âfind you lazyâ you say. Youâll have to improve, if you are, but I donât suppose you are. If you are, Iâll shake you. (Arenât I horrible?)
You must understand how I ache for you, want my light-brown arms to enfold your white body, my hands to forage around, my body to give you its message, my whole being to dominate you yet be subject to you. I want you to receive me. I want to pierce you and be part of you. I want to tell you that I love you.
Chris
25 May 1944
Dear Bessie,
I am writing this in âAlex.â The first leave I have had in 16 months. You can understand that I am a little elated to be my own master â beit only for a little while. We only have one military function to perform, i.e. salute every officer we pass. I salute them with great gusto, believing the while that my act is another nail in Hitlerâs Coffin!
27 May. I am now in the new, clean, bug-free billet, and am enjoying the change from the desert. Have had many fine ices, ice drinks, and meals hastily cooked and nicely served. It is nice to drink tea from china cups and see the whole of the face when one shaves.
The clothes of the people here (âEuropeansâ) would make you go green with envy. Very fine cloth, well made. I have yet to see a pair of trousers under £5, prices are very high. There are many clubs here, and some are really fine, in leafy, green, quiet surrounds. Have had some swims, but the facilities are not so good as I had expected, as the sea wall prevents bathing too near the central part of the town. Have been on a âsight-seeingâ tour with the YMCA, this morning, but it was not very good, some of the alleged Roman wall-scrawlings looked to me very much like 1944 daubings.
Have had a number of photographs taken and I think some are like me. We must have a lot done, as my Mother wails that my eldest brother is looking so old, and we
One thing that I really do want you to guard against is âsharingâ me with anyone, whoever it may be. For goodnessâ sake donât quote any âfunny bitsâ I may rise to in my letters. Please do not refer directly to anything I say, recognise that this emotion I feel is for you, not for anyone else. So donât quote me. If you think a thing I have said is worth repeating, do so as though it was you who had thought of it. I do not want that to read the least bit unpleasantly, what I intend expressing is my desire to come to you direct and fully, and stay with you, not dispersed. On other occasions you will find I am a jealous and selfish lover who demands the un-demandable. I shall snarl at appropriate intervals to suitably impress you. I am not afraid of the interpretation you will give to any act or thought of mine, but I do not want an audience of two nor desire the help of anyone else. Do not expectothers to share your view of my virtues, please do not try.
You say if you lose me you will have lost all. Nonsense. First, I am not âallâ. Second, you are not going to lose me through any act of mine. I am going to hold onto you as tightly as I can â a sort of death-grip!
No, I should not wish you to go out to work, though I should resist you becoming a home-tied, house-proud drudge. I donât know about children. I am glad you donât sink to the bottom upon entering the water. I canât swim very well, you know, but I can keep afloat and I have confidence. We shall swim together one day. Iâll âfind you lazyâ you say. Youâll have to improve, if you are, but I donât suppose you are. If you are, Iâll shake you. (Arenât I horrible?)
You must understand how I ache for you, want my light-brown arms to enfold your white body, my hands to forage around, my body to give you its message, my whole being to dominate you yet be subject to you. I want you to receive me. I want to pierce you and be part of you. I want to tell you that I love you.
Chris
25 May 1944
Dear Bessie,
I am writing this in âAlex.â The first leave I have had in 16 months. You can understand that I am a little elated to be my own master â beit only for a little while. We only have one military function to perform, i.e. salute every officer we pass. I salute them with great gusto, believing the while that my act is another nail in Hitlerâs Coffin!
27 May. I am now in the new, clean, bug-free billet, and am enjoying the change from the desert. Have had many fine ices, ice drinks, and meals hastily cooked and nicely served. It is nice to drink tea from china cups and see the whole of the face when one shaves.
The clothes of the people here (âEuropeansâ) would make you go green with envy. Very fine cloth, well made. I have yet to see a pair of trousers under £5, prices are very high. There are many clubs here, and some are really fine, in leafy, green, quiet surrounds. Have had some swims, but the facilities are not so good as I had expected, as the sea wall prevents bathing too near the central part of the town. Have been on a âsight-seeingâ tour with the YMCA, this morning, but it was not very good, some of the alleged Roman wall-scrawlings looked to me very much like 1944 daubings.
Have had a number of photographs taken and I think some are like me. We must have a lot done, as my Mother wails that my eldest brother is looking so old, and we
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