jodhpurs so she can go outside and brush her pony. Her energy leaves me feeling slightly breathless.
As I clear up, I catch sight of photos of Seb and Lucie on the exposed brick ledge beside the fire, and toys in the corner, including a Safari Vet set and some Duplo horses. There’s a box of 50ml syringes too, lying on top of brochures for various marques of four by four on the floor.
I pick up one of the brochures and have a quick flick through while I’m waiting. I’ve been a bit thick, imagining I can keep Alex’s home life separate from his life with me. Alex’s children aren’t an optional extra like heated seats or parking sensors on a car. Alex, Lucie and Sebastian – they’re a package.
Alex doesn’t get back from Delphi’s until nine, dried blood under his nails and spattered across his trousers. He’s accompanied by a whiff of penicillin and horse, with added notes of something floral and feminine, and my suspicious mind automatically jumps to the conclusion that it’s a woman’s perfume.
‘You took your time,’ I say. ‘What kept you?’
‘The bloody thing died on me,’ Alex says, a troubled expression in his eyes.
‘I’m sorry,’ I say.
‘It was a big Dutch warmblood, a real psycho of a horse. The last time I saw it, it had a touch of colic, which resolved with a shot of antispasmodic. Delphi said it wasn’t quite right after that, but I didn’t think any more of it. If I’d been a bit more proactive, if I’d seen it again before, referred it on.’ He shrugs. ‘I’ve never seen Delphi so upset. She had a special bond with that horse. She was the only person who could get near him without being bitten or kicked.’
‘You can’t blame yourself—’ I begin.
‘Well, I do,’ he says, cutting me off. ‘I’m going for a shower.’
He emerges half an hour later when Astra turns up, all fuss and disapproval at the way I’m looking after her children.
‘What are you doing giving them sugar?’ she says, her eyes latching on to the empty cereal box on the draining board. ‘How many times …?’
I stare at her, this tall, skinny woman with a thin face and blonde hair down to her shoulders, and an acidic tongue, thinking she could do with some sugar to sweeten herself up. She’s wearing shades on the top of her head and a bright spotted half-zip top over jeans, very Boden, and I feel at a disadvantage in Alex’s robe and a pair of his socks, because my feet were cold on the stone floor.
Seb clings to Astra’s leg, saying, ‘Mummy, Mummy, Mummy,’ and although I’m wondering what kind of mother she is, she picks him up and rests him on one bony hip. ‘Oh, Sebby, I missed you.’
‘I miss-ted you too.’ Seb rubs noses with his mother. I can see now that her tan is uneven, the skin around her eyes pale where she’s been wearing ski goggles.
‘I missed you,’ calls Lucie, who comes running inside, leaving a trail of muddy footprints. ‘Mummy!’ She tugs at her mother’s arm, trying to dislodge Sebastian. ‘Can we go skiing next time?’
Astra looks past me.
‘You’ll have to ask your father,’ she says, and I’m aware of Alex behind me, one hand on my waist.
‘Please, Daddy,’ Lucie says.
‘I’ll take you skiing,’ Alex says coolly.
‘Sure,’ Astra says. ‘And when will that be? By the time you get round to it, the world will have warmed a couple more degrees and there’ll be no snow.’
As Alex’s hand tenses, I step aside, not wanting to be part of a family feud.
‘Coffee, anyone?’ I ask.
‘Oh no, thanks,’ Astra says, wrinkling her nose. ‘We aren’t stopping. Hugo’s waiting in the car.’
‘I don’t wanna go back to London,’ says Lucie.
‘She says she doesn’t like going to school,’ Alex says, aiming this at Astra.
‘Nobody likes school,’ Astra says dismissively. ‘You don’t go because you like it.’
‘I wanna go to big school,’ says Seb, struggling out of his mother’s arms.
‘You can go instead of
As I clear up, I catch sight of photos of Seb and Lucie on the exposed brick ledge beside the fire, and toys in the corner, including a Safari Vet set and some Duplo horses. There’s a box of 50ml syringes too, lying on top of brochures for various marques of four by four on the floor.
I pick up one of the brochures and have a quick flick through while I’m waiting. I’ve been a bit thick, imagining I can keep Alex’s home life separate from his life with me. Alex’s children aren’t an optional extra like heated seats or parking sensors on a car. Alex, Lucie and Sebastian – they’re a package.
Alex doesn’t get back from Delphi’s until nine, dried blood under his nails and spattered across his trousers. He’s accompanied by a whiff of penicillin and horse, with added notes of something floral and feminine, and my suspicious mind automatically jumps to the conclusion that it’s a woman’s perfume.
‘You took your time,’ I say. ‘What kept you?’
‘The bloody thing died on me,’ Alex says, a troubled expression in his eyes.
‘I’m sorry,’ I say.
‘It was a big Dutch warmblood, a real psycho of a horse. The last time I saw it, it had a touch of colic, which resolved with a shot of antispasmodic. Delphi said it wasn’t quite right after that, but I didn’t think any more of it. If I’d been a bit more proactive, if I’d seen it again before, referred it on.’ He shrugs. ‘I’ve never seen Delphi so upset. She had a special bond with that horse. She was the only person who could get near him without being bitten or kicked.’
‘You can’t blame yourself—’ I begin.
‘Well, I do,’ he says, cutting me off. ‘I’m going for a shower.’
He emerges half an hour later when Astra turns up, all fuss and disapproval at the way I’m looking after her children.
‘What are you doing giving them sugar?’ she says, her eyes latching on to the empty cereal box on the draining board. ‘How many times …?’
I stare at her, this tall, skinny woman with a thin face and blonde hair down to her shoulders, and an acidic tongue, thinking she could do with some sugar to sweeten herself up. She’s wearing shades on the top of her head and a bright spotted half-zip top over jeans, very Boden, and I feel at a disadvantage in Alex’s robe and a pair of his socks, because my feet were cold on the stone floor.
Seb clings to Astra’s leg, saying, ‘Mummy, Mummy, Mummy,’ and although I’m wondering what kind of mother she is, she picks him up and rests him on one bony hip. ‘Oh, Sebby, I missed you.’
‘I miss-ted you too.’ Seb rubs noses with his mother. I can see now that her tan is uneven, the skin around her eyes pale where she’s been wearing ski goggles.
‘I missed you,’ calls Lucie, who comes running inside, leaving a trail of muddy footprints. ‘Mummy!’ She tugs at her mother’s arm, trying to dislodge Sebastian. ‘Can we go skiing next time?’
Astra looks past me.
‘You’ll have to ask your father,’ she says, and I’m aware of Alex behind me, one hand on my waist.
‘Please, Daddy,’ Lucie says.
‘I’ll take you skiing,’ Alex says coolly.
‘Sure,’ Astra says. ‘And when will that be? By the time you get round to it, the world will have warmed a couple more degrees and there’ll be no snow.’
As Alex’s hand tenses, I step aside, not wanting to be part of a family feud.
‘Coffee, anyone?’ I ask.
‘Oh no, thanks,’ Astra says, wrinkling her nose. ‘We aren’t stopping. Hugo’s waiting in the car.’
‘I don’t wanna go back to London,’ says Lucie.
‘She says she doesn’t like going to school,’ Alex says, aiming this at Astra.
‘Nobody likes school,’ Astra says dismissively. ‘You don’t go because you like it.’
‘I wanna go to big school,’ says Seb, struggling out of his mother’s arms.
‘You can go instead of
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