gold over his brutally handsome face.
“I—” Nell’s voice snagged in her throat; she cleared it. “I probably shouldn’t have come.”
“Don’t say that,” he implored, reaching across the table.
She shrank back.
His jaw clenched; his hand curled up. “God, please don’t say that. You don’t know how I’ve wanted this. You don’t know what it means to me, being able to see you again, to see you looking so...” His expression sobered. “To know that I didn’t...that what I did to you, how I treated you, didn’t...destroy you.”
“I almost died.”
He closed his eyes.
She said, “The baby did die.”
His throat moved as he swallowed. “I’m sorry, Nell.” He looked at her, his eyes gleaming, voice hoarse. “I’m more sorry than I can tell you. I was...” He shook his head. “I was gonna say I was drunk. But really I was just...” He sat back, expelled a ragged sigh. “I was just so mad at you for wanting to leave me, ‘specially with the law after me ‘cause of the Ripley thing. It was like you were turning your back on me just when I needed you most. I didn’t understand that it was all my fault, that you’d taken as much as you could take.”
She nodded distractedly. “Yes. Well...I appreciate that, Duncan. Father Beals tells me you’ve changed, and I hope, for your sake, that it’s true.”
“It is true,” he said with quiet fervor. “Don’t doubt it for a second.”
“I’m glad,” she said, although she was far from convinced. Duncan had always been a consummate actor. “I hope you meant it when you promised not to write to me anymore if I came to see you. My position with the Hewitts means a great deal to me. The little girl I care for, Gracie, I love her as much as if she were my very own. Mrs. Hewitt doesn’t know about...how I was before. About you...about any of it. A governess is expected to be completely above reproach. If she were to find out—”
“I done you enough damage. Don’t worry. I won’t send you any more letters.” He smiled. “You talk like a book, almost. Not hoity-toity exactly, but...different from before.”
“I
am
different, and I have a whole new life. But I’ll lose it—and I’ll lose Gracie—if my old life ever becomes known. I’ve only ever told two people about it, two people I could trust completely, and even then I didn’t tell them all of it, just—”
“Who?”
“Who did I tell? Well, Dr. Greaves. He was the doctor who treated me after...”
Duncan looked down, nodded.
“He was very good to me, very kind. He let me assist him in his work, and he taught me all about medicine and, well, lots of things. History, French, writing, comportment... I lived in his house in East Falmouth for four years. The cook and housekeeper and I all had little dormer rooms upstairs.” Although she rarely slept in hers, once she started sharing Dr. Greaves’s bed, but Duncan didn’t need to know that.
“Who’s the other one?” he asked. “You said there were two you talked to.”
Something in his tone made her reluctant to bring Will into this. “Why do you care, Duncan? Why should it matter to you?”
He lifted his shoulders. “Just curious. I used to be the one you trusted, the one you told stuff to. Well, me and your brother.”
It was true. At one time, Duncan and Jamie were the center of Nell’s world, the bedrock beneath her feet. Now Duncan was locked up in here, and Jamie, if he was still alive, was probably locked up somewhere else.
“Everything changes,” she said. “Take you, talking about Jesus.”
“Yeah,” he said a little sheepishly. “That’s Father Beals’s doing.”
“I must say, I’m a bit worried about what you may have said to him. You seem to have talked to him quite a bit.”
Duncan nodded. “He’s a good man, for a Piscopal. He started me thinkin’ about God, and what’s gonna happen to my eternal soul after I kick the bucket.”
“Does Father Beals know about me?
“I—” Nell’s voice snagged in her throat; she cleared it. “I probably shouldn’t have come.”
“Don’t say that,” he implored, reaching across the table.
She shrank back.
His jaw clenched; his hand curled up. “God, please don’t say that. You don’t know how I’ve wanted this. You don’t know what it means to me, being able to see you again, to see you looking so...” His expression sobered. “To know that I didn’t...that what I did to you, how I treated you, didn’t...destroy you.”
“I almost died.”
He closed his eyes.
She said, “The baby did die.”
His throat moved as he swallowed. “I’m sorry, Nell.” He looked at her, his eyes gleaming, voice hoarse. “I’m more sorry than I can tell you. I was...” He shook his head. “I was gonna say I was drunk. But really I was just...” He sat back, expelled a ragged sigh. “I was just so mad at you for wanting to leave me, ‘specially with the law after me ‘cause of the Ripley thing. It was like you were turning your back on me just when I needed you most. I didn’t understand that it was all my fault, that you’d taken as much as you could take.”
She nodded distractedly. “Yes. Well...I appreciate that, Duncan. Father Beals tells me you’ve changed, and I hope, for your sake, that it’s true.”
“It is true,” he said with quiet fervor. “Don’t doubt it for a second.”
“I’m glad,” she said, although she was far from convinced. Duncan had always been a consummate actor. “I hope you meant it when you promised not to write to me anymore if I came to see you. My position with the Hewitts means a great deal to me. The little girl I care for, Gracie, I love her as much as if she were my very own. Mrs. Hewitt doesn’t know about...how I was before. About you...about any of it. A governess is expected to be completely above reproach. If she were to find out—”
“I done you enough damage. Don’t worry. I won’t send you any more letters.” He smiled. “You talk like a book, almost. Not hoity-toity exactly, but...different from before.”
“I
am
different, and I have a whole new life. But I’ll lose it—and I’ll lose Gracie—if my old life ever becomes known. I’ve only ever told two people about it, two people I could trust completely, and even then I didn’t tell them all of it, just—”
“Who?”
“Who did I tell? Well, Dr. Greaves. He was the doctor who treated me after...”
Duncan looked down, nodded.
“He was very good to me, very kind. He let me assist him in his work, and he taught me all about medicine and, well, lots of things. History, French, writing, comportment... I lived in his house in East Falmouth for four years. The cook and housekeeper and I all had little dormer rooms upstairs.” Although she rarely slept in hers, once she started sharing Dr. Greaves’s bed, but Duncan didn’t need to know that.
“Who’s the other one?” he asked. “You said there were two you talked to.”
Something in his tone made her reluctant to bring Will into this. “Why do you care, Duncan? Why should it matter to you?”
He lifted his shoulders. “Just curious. I used to be the one you trusted, the one you told stuff to. Well, me and your brother.”
It was true. At one time, Duncan and Jamie were the center of Nell’s world, the bedrock beneath her feet. Now Duncan was locked up in here, and Jamie, if he was still alive, was probably locked up somewhere else.
“Everything changes,” she said. “Take you, talking about Jesus.”
“Yeah,” he said a little sheepishly. “That’s Father Beals’s doing.”
“I must say, I’m a bit worried about what you may have said to him. You seem to have talked to him quite a bit.”
Duncan nodded. “He’s a good man, for a Piscopal. He started me thinkin’ about God, and what’s gonna happen to my eternal soul after I kick the bucket.”
“Does Father Beals know about me?
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