Read Online Mr. Tony Is Full of Baloney! by Dan Gutman - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Dan Gutman
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Take it or leave it.”
“We’ll take it!” we all shouted.
It would be hilarious to see Mr. Klutz jump out of a plane in an ape suit. Not many principals are willing to do stuff like that.
Mr. Klutz is nuts.
Chapter 3
Mr. Tony Is Weird
Brrrriiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnngggggggg!!!
The three-o’clock bell rang. We watched out the window while most of the other kids got on the buses or were picked up by their parents. We were all really sad. Emily was wiping her eyes like she was about to start crying. What a crybaby!
“Look at all those kids,” Neil the nude kid said, “going home to their TV sets.”
“To their video games,” said Michael.
“To their pets,” said Andrea.
“To their snacks,” said Ryan.
“And we have to stay here just because our moms want to make some dumb sandwiches,” I said. “It’s not fair.”
We had to walk a million hundred miles all the way to the other side of the school, where the ASKK room is. ASKK stands for “After-School Kids’ Kare,” which makes no sense at all because “care” is spelled with a C , not a K . How are we supposed to learn how to spell if they can’t even spell “ASKK” right?
The grown-up in charge of ASKK is Mr. Tony, but he wasn’t there yet. The door was locked. Some other kids were waiting in the hall. I guess their moms had to make sandwiches, too.
“I have an idea,” I told the guys. “Let’s make a run for it!”
“They probably have guards with machine guns who will shoot us if we try to escape,” said Ryan.
“Maybe we can dig a tunnel and escape to freedom,” said Michael. “I saw that in a war movie once. The prisoners dug a hole in the ground and hid the dirt down their pants so the guards wouldn’t notice.”
“I’m not putting dirt down my pants,” I said.
“We don’t have a shovel anyway,” said Neil. “We can’t dig a tunnel.”
“Boys!” Andrea said, rolling her eyes.
That’s when the strangest thing in the history of the world happened. A guy came over.
Well, that’s not the strange part because guys come over all the time. The strange part was that the guy came over on a pogo stick, and he was juggling three balls.
“Mr. Tony, reporting for duty!” he said.
We all giggled because Mr. Tony said “duty,” which sounds just like “doody.” It’s okay to say “ D-U-T-Y ,” but grown-ups get really mad when you say “ D-O-O-D-Y .” Nobody knows why.
Mr. Tony jumped off the pogo stick. He’s a big guy with a mustache. He saluted us like he was in the army. I saw he had a big white Band-Aid on his arm.
“Ten-hut!” he said.
Army guys always say “Ten-hut” when they want you to stand up straight. Nobody knows why.
“At ease,” Mr. Tony said. He handed out name tags to each of us and opened the door to the ASKK room. “I won’t tolerate any foolishness in here. I run a tight ship.”
I looked around the ASKK room. There wasn’t any ship in there. I don’t understand why people are always talking about ships. What’s up with that?
“Are we going boating?” I asked.
“Of course not!” Mr. Tony yelled. “What would make you think we’d go boating in the after-school program?”
“How should I know?” I asked. “You’re the one who brought it up.”
Mr. Tony is weird.
Chapter 4
Pizza and Pogo-Juggling
Mr. Tony seemed like he was really mean. But suddenly, he broke out into a big grin.
“I was just kidding with that army stuff,” he said. “Welcome to the ASKK program! Are you kids ready to have fun?”
“Yes!” said all the girls.
“No,” said all the boys.
“Before we have fun,” Andrea said, “may I ask you a question, Mr. Tony?”
“Certainly,” he replied.
“Why were you juggling on a pogo stick?”
“I’m trying to get into The Guinness Book of World Records ,” Mr. Tony said. “The record for pogo-juggling is almost 25 minutes. I want to break it.”
Pogo-juggling? Now I knew Mr. Tony was weird.
“Did you get hurt pogo-juggling?”
“We’ll take it!” we all shouted.
It would be hilarious to see Mr. Klutz jump out of a plane in an ape suit. Not many principals are willing to do stuff like that.
Mr. Klutz is nuts.
Chapter 3
Mr. Tony Is Weird
Brrrriiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnngggggggg!!!
The three-o’clock bell rang. We watched out the window while most of the other kids got on the buses or were picked up by their parents. We were all really sad. Emily was wiping her eyes like she was about to start crying. What a crybaby!
“Look at all those kids,” Neil the nude kid said, “going home to their TV sets.”
“To their video games,” said Michael.
“To their pets,” said Andrea.
“To their snacks,” said Ryan.
“And we have to stay here just because our moms want to make some dumb sandwiches,” I said. “It’s not fair.”
We had to walk a million hundred miles all the way to the other side of the school, where the ASKK room is. ASKK stands for “After-School Kids’ Kare,” which makes no sense at all because “care” is spelled with a C , not a K . How are we supposed to learn how to spell if they can’t even spell “ASKK” right?
The grown-up in charge of ASKK is Mr. Tony, but he wasn’t there yet. The door was locked. Some other kids were waiting in the hall. I guess their moms had to make sandwiches, too.
“I have an idea,” I told the guys. “Let’s make a run for it!”
“They probably have guards with machine guns who will shoot us if we try to escape,” said Ryan.
“Maybe we can dig a tunnel and escape to freedom,” said Michael. “I saw that in a war movie once. The prisoners dug a hole in the ground and hid the dirt down their pants so the guards wouldn’t notice.”
“I’m not putting dirt down my pants,” I said.
“We don’t have a shovel anyway,” said Neil. “We can’t dig a tunnel.”
“Boys!” Andrea said, rolling her eyes.
That’s when the strangest thing in the history of the world happened. A guy came over.
Well, that’s not the strange part because guys come over all the time. The strange part was that the guy came over on a pogo stick, and he was juggling three balls.
“Mr. Tony, reporting for duty!” he said.
We all giggled because Mr. Tony said “duty,” which sounds just like “doody.” It’s okay to say “ D-U-T-Y ,” but grown-ups get really mad when you say “ D-O-O-D-Y .” Nobody knows why.
Mr. Tony jumped off the pogo stick. He’s a big guy with a mustache. He saluted us like he was in the army. I saw he had a big white Band-Aid on his arm.
“Ten-hut!” he said.
Army guys always say “Ten-hut” when they want you to stand up straight. Nobody knows why.
“At ease,” Mr. Tony said. He handed out name tags to each of us and opened the door to the ASKK room. “I won’t tolerate any foolishness in here. I run a tight ship.”
I looked around the ASKK room. There wasn’t any ship in there. I don’t understand why people are always talking about ships. What’s up with that?
“Are we going boating?” I asked.
“Of course not!” Mr. Tony yelled. “What would make you think we’d go boating in the after-school program?”
“How should I know?” I asked. “You’re the one who brought it up.”
Mr. Tony is weird.
Chapter 4
Pizza and Pogo-Juggling
Mr. Tony seemed like he was really mean. But suddenly, he broke out into a big grin.
“I was just kidding with that army stuff,” he said. “Welcome to the ASKK program! Are you kids ready to have fun?”
“Yes!” said all the girls.
“No,” said all the boys.
“Before we have fun,” Andrea said, “may I ask you a question, Mr. Tony?”
“Certainly,” he replied.
“Why were you juggling on a pogo stick?”
“I’m trying to get into The Guinness Book of World Records ,” Mr. Tony said. “The record for pogo-juggling is almost 25 minutes. I want to break it.”
Pogo-juggling? Now I knew Mr. Tony was weird.
“Did you get hurt pogo-juggling?”
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