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Authors: Dan Gutman
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it. My mom was going back to work, and I had to be in the after-school program.
When I met up with my friends walking to school on Friday morning, I could tell they were all depressed.
“I guess you heard the bad news,” said Michael, who never ties his shoes.
“Yeah,” said Ryan, who will eat anything, even stuff that isn’t food. “Starting today, we have to go to the after-school program.”
“This is horrible ,” said Neil, who we call the nude kid even though he wears clothes. “This is the worst day of my life.”
“Our lives are over,” I said. “Bummer in the summer.”
That’s when Andrea Young, this annoying girl with curly brown hair, came skipping down the street. She was with her crybaby friend Emily.
“Did you hear the news?” Andrea said, all excited. “Our moms are starting a catering business! And we’re going to be in the after-school program!”
Ugh! Not only did I have to go to school after school, but I had to go to school after school with Little Miss Know-It-All Andrea . It was definitely the worst day in the history of the world.
I was in a bad mood all day long. I couldn’t concentrate on anything my teacher, Mr. Granite, was saying. All I could think about was the after-school program.
Just before the three-o’clock bell rang, we had to go to the all-purpose room for an assembly. 2 I sat next to Ryan. Little Miss Perfect sat in front of us.
Our principal, Mr. Klutz, got up on the stage. He has no hair at all. I mean none . They should use his head in lighthouses to send signals to ships at sea.
Mr. Klutz held up his hand and made a peace sign, which means “shut up.”
“I have two announcements to make,” he told us. “First, please welcome our new health teacher, Ms. Leakey.”
We all clapped for some lady who got up onstage. She looked really healthy, so I guess it’s good that she’s a health teacher.
“Second,” Mr. Klutz continued, “Ella Mentry School is going to have a food drive.”
“Food drive?” I whispered to Ryan. “What’s up with that? Food can’t drive. That would be weird to have a chicken driving your car.”
“No, dumbhead,” Ryan whispered back. “A food drive isn’t when a chicken drives your car. It’s when you drive a chicken around in your car.”
“Why would anybody want to drive a chicken around in their car?” I asked Ryan.
Andrea turned around, rolled her eyes, and said, “Shhhhhh!”
“A food drive is when you collect food for needy people,” Mr. Klutz announced.
Oh. I knew that.
Mr. Klutz told us there are a lot of kids who don’t have enough to eat.
“Hunger is a big problem in our country,” he said, “so we’re going to collect as much food as we can and bring it to a food bank.”
“Food bank?” I whispered to Ryan. “Who puts food in a bank? Wouldn’t it smell really bad after a while?”
“How would you fit the food in a bank anyway?” Ryan whispered back. “You can’t push it through the little slot. Food should be put in a refrigerator.”
“Mr. Klutz probably keeps his money in the refrigerator,” I whispered. Ryan laughed.
Andrea turned around again so she could roll her eyes and shush at us. What is her problem? Why can’t a bank full of food fall on her head?
“A food bank is a place that gives food to hungry people,” Mr. Klutz told us.
“I knew that,” I whispered to Ryan.
“And to help you kids get excited about our food drive, I’ll make a deal with you,” Mr. Klutz said. “If you collect 3,000 pounds of food, I’ll jump out of an airplane in an ape suit and land on the roof of the school.”
“WOW!” we all said, which is “MOM” upside down.
Mr. Klutz has been taking parachuting lessons ever since he went to principal camp. He loves jumping out of planes.
“3,000 pounds?” Michael called out. “That’s a lot of food, Mr. Klutz. How about we collect 2,000 pounds?”
“3,000 pounds of food,” Mr. Klutz repeated. “That’s my final offer.
When I met up with my friends walking to school on Friday morning, I could tell they were all depressed.
“I guess you heard the bad news,” said Michael, who never ties his shoes.
“Yeah,” said Ryan, who will eat anything, even stuff that isn’t food. “Starting today, we have to go to the after-school program.”
“This is horrible ,” said Neil, who we call the nude kid even though he wears clothes. “This is the worst day of my life.”
“Our lives are over,” I said. “Bummer in the summer.”
That’s when Andrea Young, this annoying girl with curly brown hair, came skipping down the street. She was with her crybaby friend Emily.
“Did you hear the news?” Andrea said, all excited. “Our moms are starting a catering business! And we’re going to be in the after-school program!”
Ugh! Not only did I have to go to school after school, but I had to go to school after school with Little Miss Know-It-All Andrea . It was definitely the worst day in the history of the world.
I was in a bad mood all day long. I couldn’t concentrate on anything my teacher, Mr. Granite, was saying. All I could think about was the after-school program.
Just before the three-o’clock bell rang, we had to go to the all-purpose room for an assembly. 2 I sat next to Ryan. Little Miss Perfect sat in front of us.
Our principal, Mr. Klutz, got up on the stage. He has no hair at all. I mean none . They should use his head in lighthouses to send signals to ships at sea.
Mr. Klutz held up his hand and made a peace sign, which means “shut up.”
“I have two announcements to make,” he told us. “First, please welcome our new health teacher, Ms. Leakey.”
We all clapped for some lady who got up onstage. She looked really healthy, so I guess it’s good that she’s a health teacher.
“Second,” Mr. Klutz continued, “Ella Mentry School is going to have a food drive.”
“Food drive?” I whispered to Ryan. “What’s up with that? Food can’t drive. That would be weird to have a chicken driving your car.”
“No, dumbhead,” Ryan whispered back. “A food drive isn’t when a chicken drives your car. It’s when you drive a chicken around in your car.”
“Why would anybody want to drive a chicken around in their car?” I asked Ryan.
Andrea turned around, rolled her eyes, and said, “Shhhhhh!”
“A food drive is when you collect food for needy people,” Mr. Klutz announced.
Oh. I knew that.
Mr. Klutz told us there are a lot of kids who don’t have enough to eat.
“Hunger is a big problem in our country,” he said, “so we’re going to collect as much food as we can and bring it to a food bank.”
“Food bank?” I whispered to Ryan. “Who puts food in a bank? Wouldn’t it smell really bad after a while?”
“How would you fit the food in a bank anyway?” Ryan whispered back. “You can’t push it through the little slot. Food should be put in a refrigerator.”
“Mr. Klutz probably keeps his money in the refrigerator,” I whispered. Ryan laughed.
Andrea turned around again so she could roll her eyes and shush at us. What is her problem? Why can’t a bank full of food fall on her head?
“A food bank is a place that gives food to hungry people,” Mr. Klutz told us.
“I knew that,” I whispered to Ryan.
“And to help you kids get excited about our food drive, I’ll make a deal with you,” Mr. Klutz said. “If you collect 3,000 pounds of food, I’ll jump out of an airplane in an ape suit and land on the roof of the school.”
“WOW!” we all said, which is “MOM” upside down.
Mr. Klutz has been taking parachuting lessons ever since he went to principal camp. He loves jumping out of planes.
“3,000 pounds?” Michael called out. “That’s a lot of food, Mr. Klutz. How about we collect 2,000 pounds?”
“3,000 pounds of food,” Mr. Klutz repeated. “That’s my final offer.
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