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Authors: Lee Goldberg
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secret from the world.”
“And nobody has appreciated its full potential?” Monk said. “It’s mind-boggling to me. It’s like only using electricity for illumination. If the captain hadn’t discovered it here, I might never have known about it.”
“You think that’s why the captain had us come here, so you could see the Diaper Genie?”
“Of course,” Monk said. “What other reason could there be?”
“You’re right,” I said. “It never occurred to me. That must be why you’re the detective and I’m the assistant.”
I wasn’t ready to talk to Monk about my minor identity crisis.
“Do you know where they sell Diaper Genies?” he asked.
“Yes,” I said.
“That’s our next stop,” he said. “I need to buy some.”
“Some?”
“One for each room of my apartment,” he said. “And a spare for each room of my apartment.”
CHAPTER SEVEN
Mr. Monk Gets Some Bad News
I t was not a good day for any San Francisco parents who happened to be in the market for a new Diaper Genie or who were simply looking for refills.
Monk had me take him to every Babies R Us, Target, and Wal-Mart in the city so he could stock up on all the Diaper Genies and supplies he thought he’d need for the next year. After he was through, the shelves were bare and the nearest available Diaper Genies were either across the bay or down in Daly City.
It took several trips from the car to unload everything into his apartment. I was going back for the last two Genies when Monk stopped me at his door.
“I want you to keep those two,” he said. “They’re gifts for you and Julie.”
“That’s very considerate of you, Mr. Monk. But we really don’t need Diaper Genies.”
“Everybody needs them,” Monk said. “I’m going to spread the word.”
“I appreciate the thoughtfulness of the gift, I really do, but I don’t have a baby and neither one of us wears diapers.”
“You’re going to replace your trash cans with these,” he said. “You can put one in the kitchen and one in Julie’s room to get you started.”
“Julie won’t put a Diaper Genie in her room.”
“Why not?”
“Because she hangs out with her friends in her room all the time,” I said. “What would they think if they saw a Diaper Genie?”
“That she’s a clean, upstanding citizen,” Monk said. “And a patriot.”
“They’d think she was either pregnant or incontinent and word would get around school. She’d be mortified.”
“All Julie has to do is explain to her friends that she’s using it to individually seal each item that she throws out.”
“Then they’d think she was a geek,” I said.
“She will thank me later,” Monk said.
“Why would she thank you for being considered a geek?”
“Don’t you know anything about teenage life?” Monk said. “It’s a badge of respect.”
“It is?”
“I was one,” he said.
“You don’t say.”
“A very special one. I was crowned King of the Geeks, not once, but every single year of high school,” Monk said. “It’s a record that remains unbroken in my school to this day.”
“Were there a lot of students who wanted to be King of the Geeks?”
“It’s like being homecoming king, only better. You don’t have to go to any dances,” Monk said. “You aren’t even invited.”
“Julie likes dances.”
“You should put a stop to that before things go too far,” Monk said.
I didn’t want to know what “too far” meant in Monkland, so I just dropped the subject. “I’ll do that.”
I thanked him for the gift and we proceeded to place Diaper Genies in every room in his house and in the corridors and closets, too.
But we were just getting started.
He had me deliver Diaper Genies, with his compliments, to the other tenants in his building, even the guy with a prosthetic leg who lived upstairs (Monk especially wanted him to have one).
He wasn’t doing it out of generosity.
Monk wanted to be sure that all the trash from his building
“And nobody has appreciated its full potential?” Monk said. “It’s mind-boggling to me. It’s like only using electricity for illumination. If the captain hadn’t discovered it here, I might never have known about it.”
“You think that’s why the captain had us come here, so you could see the Diaper Genie?”
“Of course,” Monk said. “What other reason could there be?”
“You’re right,” I said. “It never occurred to me. That must be why you’re the detective and I’m the assistant.”
I wasn’t ready to talk to Monk about my minor identity crisis.
“Do you know where they sell Diaper Genies?” he asked.
“Yes,” I said.
“That’s our next stop,” he said. “I need to buy some.”
“Some?”
“One for each room of my apartment,” he said. “And a spare for each room of my apartment.”
CHAPTER SEVEN
Mr. Monk Gets Some Bad News
I t was not a good day for any San Francisco parents who happened to be in the market for a new Diaper Genie or who were simply looking for refills.
Monk had me take him to every Babies R Us, Target, and Wal-Mart in the city so he could stock up on all the Diaper Genies and supplies he thought he’d need for the next year. After he was through, the shelves were bare and the nearest available Diaper Genies were either across the bay or down in Daly City.
It took several trips from the car to unload everything into his apartment. I was going back for the last two Genies when Monk stopped me at his door.
“I want you to keep those two,” he said. “They’re gifts for you and Julie.”
“That’s very considerate of you, Mr. Monk. But we really don’t need Diaper Genies.”
“Everybody needs them,” Monk said. “I’m going to spread the word.”
“I appreciate the thoughtfulness of the gift, I really do, but I don’t have a baby and neither one of us wears diapers.”
“You’re going to replace your trash cans with these,” he said. “You can put one in the kitchen and one in Julie’s room to get you started.”
“Julie won’t put a Diaper Genie in her room.”
“Why not?”
“Because she hangs out with her friends in her room all the time,” I said. “What would they think if they saw a Diaper Genie?”
“That she’s a clean, upstanding citizen,” Monk said. “And a patriot.”
“They’d think she was either pregnant or incontinent and word would get around school. She’d be mortified.”
“All Julie has to do is explain to her friends that she’s using it to individually seal each item that she throws out.”
“Then they’d think she was a geek,” I said.
“She will thank me later,” Monk said.
“Why would she thank you for being considered a geek?”
“Don’t you know anything about teenage life?” Monk said. “It’s a badge of respect.”
“It is?”
“I was one,” he said.
“You don’t say.”
“A very special one. I was crowned King of the Geeks, not once, but every single year of high school,” Monk said. “It’s a record that remains unbroken in my school to this day.”
“Were there a lot of students who wanted to be King of the Geeks?”
“It’s like being homecoming king, only better. You don’t have to go to any dances,” Monk said. “You aren’t even invited.”
“Julie likes dances.”
“You should put a stop to that before things go too far,” Monk said.
I didn’t want to know what “too far” meant in Monkland, so I just dropped the subject. “I’ll do that.”
I thanked him for the gift and we proceeded to place Diaper Genies in every room in his house and in the corridors and closets, too.
But we were just getting started.
He had me deliver Diaper Genies, with his compliments, to the other tenants in his building, even the guy with a prosthetic leg who lived upstairs (Monk especially wanted him to have one).
He wasn’t doing it out of generosity.
Monk wanted to be sure that all the trash from his building
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