Loring, Ms. Hannah, Miss Smallâ¦â
âThose arenât musical acts,â Michael said. âTheyâre teachers!â
âWeâre gonna have a special surprise guest too,â Mr. Louie said. But he wouldnât tell us who it was.
When we got to school, Miss Daisy and Mr. Macky were walking up the steps together. Miss Daisy was carrying a heart-shaped cake with bonbons on top. Thatâs her favorite kind of candy.
âDo you have a special valentine, A.J.?â Mr. Macky asked me.
âNo,â I told him. âValentines are dumb.â
Actually, I did have a special valentine. My valentine is Mrs. Cooney, our school nurse. She is beautiful. Her eyes are like cotton candy. I would marry her when I grow up, but sheâs already married to some guy named Mr. Cooney. Bummer in the summer!
When we got to class, everybody wanted to eat cake. But Miss Daisy said we had to do writing first. I hate writing.
She told us to take out our valentine cards and a pencil. We had to write one thing we liked about every person inthe class.
I wrote Ryanâs card first. It was easy:
I liked it when you ate the seat cushion on the school bus.
Then I wrote Michaelâs card:
I liked it when we watched the Super Bowl on your big-screen TV.
Then I wrote a card for Neil, who we call Neil the nude kid even though he wears clothes:
I liked it when you brought your ferret to school and it pooped on Emilyâs head.
It was harder to think of something I liked about the girls. This is what I wrote on Emilyâs card:
I liked it when that childrenâs book author visited our school and her pet raptor attacked you.
I picked up Andreaâs card. It was the hardest of all. I couldnât think of anything I liked about Andrea.
My mom always tells me that if you donât have anything nice to say about somebody, donât say anything at all. But I had to write something on Andreaâs card. So I wrote this:
I liked it when you were absent on Take Our Daughters to Work Day.
Miss Daisy collected all the cards and sorted them while we did a math work sheet. Then she passed out all the valentines.
Emily looked at me. She was holding my card. Then she started crying and went running out of the room.
Sheesh, get a grip! What a crybaby! It wasnât my fault she got attacked by a raptor.
Andrea was reading my card too.
âThatâs horrible, Arlo!â she said.
âSo is your face,â I told her.
âYou know, Arlo,â Andrea said, âmy mother says that when a boy acts mean to a girl, it means heâs secretly in lovewith her.â
âNo it doesnât,â I said. âIt means he hates her.â
âMy mother is a psychologist,â Andrea said. âShe knows everything.â
âThen she must know youâre annoying,â I told her.
Andrea thinks sheâs so smart. She was trying to get me to stop being mean to her by making me think I secretly like her. But Iâm smart too. Thatâs why Iâm in the gifted and talented program.
Emily came back into the room. Miss Daisy made me apologize to her. I did, but I didnât mean it.
âWhat about you, Miss Daisy?â Andreaasked. âWhoâs your valentine?â
âItâs a secret,â she replied.
âOoooh, who is it?â we all asked.
âIf I told you, it wouldnât be secret,â Miss Daisy said.
âPlease? Please? Please? Please? Please?â
Any time you want anything from a grown-up, just say Please over and over again. Thatâs the first rule of being a kid. But Miss Daisy refused to tell us who her secret valentine was.
âTime for cake!â she announced.
Miss Daisy was totally trying to change the subject so weâd forget about her secret valentine. But I didnât care, because we were getting cake.
Emily passed out plates. Miss Daisy cut the cake. This girl named Annette put a piece on each
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