because they believe their kids won’t get equal play if the coach doesn’t like them – so they stay silent. It’s not worth it; speak up!
Remember, your child’s eyes and ears are on you, and on every adult around you. Watching and listening to every behaviour. Are you accepting wrong behaviour out of fear of retaliation? It’s time to stop the cycle of bullying.
The most important thing is the education process. Adults should not simply assume that their natural upbringing or basic skills that they have learned inside of their own lives are the ones that should be adhered to inside of minor sports. Membership in minor sports is a privilege, not a right, and the rules need to be followed. In other words, it’s not a God-given right that suddenly you’re born and you’re permitted to play organized hockey. Each adult and child has a role to play, and appropriate behaviours to follow:
We ask players to understand how they have to behave, and how they have to play.
We should also make sure coaches know their role, and act appropriately. Parents, you have a role in this as well. You are not just writing the cheque to allow your son to play. You need to understand the game, the rules, the regulations, and what would be best for your child.
I don’t want to let officials off the hook either. I have witnessed officials who had not been given the right training or mentoring, and didn’t act appropriately either. If you are a referee, remember your role. It is not just for the couple of bucks that you are getting paid. We are counting on you!
Spectators, whether siblings, grandparents, or parents, also have a responsibility in terms of what their behaviour looks like. What do they say to players and officials on the ice? Are they just cheering and getting excited, or are they bullying people from the stands?
The league organizers are also responsible to behave appropriately. Your decision to volunteer does not give you veto power or the ability to ignore the rules. You are the caretaker of the rules as they are written. And everyone needs to be held accountable. No free rides!
The biggest concern I have for minor hockey is the parents. Yes, kids bully one another in the locker room and elsewhere, but they have learned that behaviour from someone else. It is the parents who more often bully one another or the kids, and this is behaviour their children follow. The more we close our eyes to it, and the more we just accept it as a byproduct of the game, the more we are neglecting our duty to the children in minor hockey.
At one general meeting when we were discussing the problems in minor hockey, one older man in his late 60’s, who had been around Hockey Canada his entire life, said, “It has always been that way.” I fully respect him for all his years of volunteerism, but his comment was unacceptable to me. He implied that, since “it has always been that way,” it will “always be that way” in the future. I don’t ascribe to that point of view. I believe that, if we insist that all adults in the minor hockey system simply started taking accountability and read the fair play code, working hard to abide by its rules and regulations, we would be 99% on our way towards fixing the problems that exist in the game today.
When I talk to leaders these days, as part of my executive coaching work, I ask them about their upbringing playing in minor sports – in particular, hockey. They tell me things like, “Boy, I made so many great friends, and I had so many great memories, and so many tremendous things happened.” They remember traveling to hockey tournaments, going to team parties, and playing a sport with all of their best friends. These successful individuals honestly do not talk about the season they won all of the games, or scored the most goals, and they don’t bring up where they finished in the standings.
Ultimately, it’s about playing the game of hockey that I love, and that we all love. But we have
Remember, your child’s eyes and ears are on you, and on every adult around you. Watching and listening to every behaviour. Are you accepting wrong behaviour out of fear of retaliation? It’s time to stop the cycle of bullying.
The most important thing is the education process. Adults should not simply assume that their natural upbringing or basic skills that they have learned inside of their own lives are the ones that should be adhered to inside of minor sports. Membership in minor sports is a privilege, not a right, and the rules need to be followed. In other words, it’s not a God-given right that suddenly you’re born and you’re permitted to play organized hockey. Each adult and child has a role to play, and appropriate behaviours to follow:
We ask players to understand how they have to behave, and how they have to play.
We should also make sure coaches know their role, and act appropriately. Parents, you have a role in this as well. You are not just writing the cheque to allow your son to play. You need to understand the game, the rules, the regulations, and what would be best for your child.
I don’t want to let officials off the hook either. I have witnessed officials who had not been given the right training or mentoring, and didn’t act appropriately either. If you are a referee, remember your role. It is not just for the couple of bucks that you are getting paid. We are counting on you!
Spectators, whether siblings, grandparents, or parents, also have a responsibility in terms of what their behaviour looks like. What do they say to players and officials on the ice? Are they just cheering and getting excited, or are they bullying people from the stands?
The league organizers are also responsible to behave appropriately. Your decision to volunteer does not give you veto power or the ability to ignore the rules. You are the caretaker of the rules as they are written. And everyone needs to be held accountable. No free rides!
The biggest concern I have for minor hockey is the parents. Yes, kids bully one another in the locker room and elsewhere, but they have learned that behaviour from someone else. It is the parents who more often bully one another or the kids, and this is behaviour their children follow. The more we close our eyes to it, and the more we just accept it as a byproduct of the game, the more we are neglecting our duty to the children in minor hockey.
At one general meeting when we were discussing the problems in minor hockey, one older man in his late 60’s, who had been around Hockey Canada his entire life, said, “It has always been that way.” I fully respect him for all his years of volunteerism, but his comment was unacceptable to me. He implied that, since “it has always been that way,” it will “always be that way” in the future. I don’t ascribe to that point of view. I believe that, if we insist that all adults in the minor hockey system simply started taking accountability and read the fair play code, working hard to abide by its rules and regulations, we would be 99% on our way towards fixing the problems that exist in the game today.
When I talk to leaders these days, as part of my executive coaching work, I ask them about their upbringing playing in minor sports – in particular, hockey. They tell me things like, “Boy, I made so many great friends, and I had so many great memories, and so many tremendous things happened.” They remember traveling to hockey tournaments, going to team parties, and playing a sport with all of their best friends. These successful individuals honestly do not talk about the season they won all of the games, or scored the most goals, and they don’t bring up where they finished in the standings.
Ultimately, it’s about playing the game of hockey that I love, and that we all love. But we have
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