Read Online More Than I Wanted by Ava Catori - Free Book Online Page B

overreacted. Listen, I’m
going to have trust issues. I apologize whole heartedly for that, but
it’s who I am.” He warned me of his trust issues early in
our relationship, and I understood where they came from. It was just
one of those things that I didn’t think would ever be an issue
for us – until it was.
    “And
I’m really insecure, so if you can deal with that, I’ll
tackle your trust issues. Is it a deal?” Dear goodness, do I
have a lot of insecurities. If he knew how deep they ran, he’d
probably run screaming in the other direction just to get away.
    He
smiled softly, “Deal.”
    I
leaned over and accepted the peck he was offering. It was still a
quiet drive home, but at least I felt like our argument was
officially over. The tension melted, but things weren’t back to
normal yet. The atmosphere had changed between us that day. It was
our first official fight and it felt bigger than it probably was.
    Getting
out of the car, I took a deep breath. I guess it was now or never,
knowing if the tension had truly passed. Unlocking the door, he
didn’t linger as close as he usually does, and it concerned me.
I felt like there was unresolved conflict, though it wasn’t
spoken. We might have made our peace, but it was still in the air. I
knew it would just take time, but patience wasn’t my strong
suit.
    “Can
we talk for a little while?” I said grabbing a couple of drinks
out of the fridge for us.
    “Sure,”
he obviously wasn’t rushing to get to the bedroom. But was it
fair to expect him to? Truthfully, I wasn’t feeling amorous
either, but knowing he didn’t want me in that moment still
hurt. I hated the awkwardness between us.
    “I’m
not sure how this will all work out. I mean, we’ve gotten to
the point where we care a great deal about each other, have admitted
to feeling love, and yet there are a few things we’ve never
talked about. We seem to skirt around issues that might leave us
uneasy. Maybe we should look at and maybe even tackle a few of them.
Honestly, I’m still concerned about you going away, and how
that might change us as a couple. How can it not?”
    He
stood, his hands in his pockets, looking like a little boy. “I
hate stuff like this.”
    “I
do too, but I figure we might as well deal with it now, since there’s
tension in the air.”
    Nodding,
he sat. “Fine, I guess now is as good as any other time.”
    “Austin,
the thing is - I do love you. I think I’m scared you’ll
be gone an entire year. That’s a long time. How do we know
we’ll be strong enough to go that length of time without
faltering? What if we fall out of love, not seeing each other? How
will we communicate? Will we even be able to? This is a new
relationship, and we’re still in the honeymoon phase where
everything is all peachy, and yet we’re promising to span an
entire year together – in separate places. I’m not saying
I don’t want to, but it sort of scares me.”
    “I
don’t want to do this if you won’t be faithful. I can’t
handle going through that again. If you think you’ll want to
date, see other people, than you need to tell me. Not once I’m
over there and depending on you to be at home waiting on me –
but before I go. Don’t put me through that. If on the other
hand we weather this and get through it together, we’ll know we
can handle anything.”
    “I’m
afraid of being lonely,” I admitted, “or you falling out
of love with me. Like, here I am waiting all this time, and then you
come home and don’t even want me. So it would be like I wasted
all this time for nothing.”
    “I’m
loyal, down to the core. If I’m with you, I’m with you.
And it’s not like I’ll be out picking up women in the
sandbox over there. Trust me; it’s hardly fun and games. We’re
out on assignment, patrolling villages, hoping to get a shower time
to time, and hoping we don’t get shot at. Other women are the
last thing on my mind, trust me.”
    “I’m
afraid of losing you,