Read Online More Than Fiends by Maureen Child - Free Book Online

already see the headlines in the La Sombra Daily News : CRAZY OLD BAT SNEAKS INTO KITCHEN, KILLS KARMICLY DAMNED WOMAN.
    â€œWhat the hell are you doing back here?” I asked when I was pretty sure my heart was back in my chest where it belonged.
    â€œI never left.”
    â€œWhat?” She’d been lying in wait for me? And nobody noticed? Not Thea, not Logan? Not Sugar ?
    I took another long drink of my beer, hoping to cool myself off a little, but it didn’t do much good.
    â€œSome watchdog you are,” I muttered and glared at the dog, who actually had the nerve to give me a “Who, me?” look.
    â€œI cannot leave until I have convinced you of your duty.”
    â€œDuty again. Right.” Okay, no more Ms. Nice Guy. This old lady was about to get a one-way ride to the Happy House. As soon as I figured out a way to put the refrigerator door back where it belonged. Just why the hell had my life chosen today to take a turn for the crappy?
    â€œI’ve been waiting for you to return,” she said and set her ugly vinyl purse down onto the kitchen table. She opened it and pulled out yet another bottle of that spray stuff she’d had on her earlier. “The day of your destiny has arrived, and I’m here to help you accept it.”
    â€œLook lady, I don’t want to be rude….” Actually, that wasn’t completely true. By then, I didn’t really care if I was rude or not. You know, I’m usually a pretty patient person—well, I try. But as I mentioned earlier, my birthday was really sucking, and at the moment, what I really wanted to do was throw myself a pity party. “I’ve got a refrigerator to fix, a beer to drink, an ex-boyfriend to kill, a daughter to soothe and, hey, what’s left of my birthday to survive. I don’t want you here, and if you don’t leave, I’m going to—”
    What? Call a cop? Yeah, because that wouldn’t be too embarrassing. Help, a hundred-and-fifty-year-old woman broke into my house and is holding me at spray-bottle point. Great idea. Besides, call a cop and it would be just my luck for Logan to show up.
    Fine. I didn’t have a threat handy. But I could forcibly walk her bony ass out the back door and into my car, where I would strap her in—she should be used to that feeling—and take her back to Mixed Nuts Central. I walked around the end of the table and made a grab for her, and the old woman jumped five feet in the air.
    Straight up.
    I kid you not.
    Impressed into momentary speechlessness, I could only look at her as she landed in a crouch, then stood up again, smoothing one gnarled hand down the front of her dress. If I hadn’t seen it, I wouldn’t have believed it.
    â€œDoes the Olympic committee know about you?”
    She blew out an exasperated breath. “I’m here to explain your duties. To give you the recipe for the demon elixir. To guide you as you rid the world of—”
    â€œâ€”demons. Right.”
    â€œYou don’t believe.”
    I did an eye roll. “Duh.”
    She sighed again, like I should be riding the short bus to school. Waving one hand at the refrigerator door lying on the floor, she pointed out, “You see your strength is increasing.”
    â€œBad hinge.”
    â€œWhy do you refuse to listen?”
    â€œTo what? Stories about demons and secret potions? Are you crazy?” I shouted, then stopped, listened to myself for a second and said, “Never mind. Of course you’re crazy. I’ll just call the Hotel Screw-loose and see if they’ve got your room ready.”
    She muttered something that sounded like “I’m too old for this shit.” But old ladies with blue/gray hair didn’t cuss, did they? Still, no point in pushing her over the edge. Because frankly, if she was this bad on the edge, I didn’t want to have to deal with her once she went over.
    â€œYou seem like a nice crazy