Read Online Mission: Earth "The Enemy Within" by Ron L. Hubbard - Free Book Online
Authors: Ron L. Hubbard
Tags: sf_humor
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Nothing, absolutely nothing in Heavens or on Earth had felt that good before!
Chapter 8
When I awoke it was well into the afternoon.
I showered, something new for me. I put on clean clothes. Something new for me. I smiled at Melahat Hanim. Something new for me. She was helping the waiter serve me breakfast.
The whole world smelled good, looked bright. Something very new for me.
"Where is my darling Utanc?" I said.
Melahat said, "When the car was delivered, she and Karagoz went off to get her driver's license."
Of course, that was easy. I had given her the proper identification and birth certificate of an actual baby girl that, had it not unreportedly died, would have been about Utanc's age by now. But Karagoz would have to teach her quite a bit before she could pass any driving test.
I went out to the cool patio and sat in a chair. One of the small boys came tearing out of Utanc's room without any clothes on, spun about and vanished. He returned with pants on and tried to sneak by me. It was too narrow a gap. I tousled his head and smiled at him. He gaped back.
I reached in my pocket and got a coin. I gave it to him. He stared at it suspiciously.
I reached into my pocket and gave him a ten-lira note. He took it and looked at it in amazement.
I reached in my pocket and gave him a hundred-lira note, almost a U.S. dollar. "Just tell Utanc, when next you see her," I said, "that the moon and sun together are dim compared to her."
He didn't know what to make of it. He went off muttering the phrase so he could remember it. Suddenly he was back. "Sultan Bey," he said, "can we eat all the grapes we want?"
I smiled indulgently. "Of course."
A little while later, there was a roar of an approaching car. I got up and looked out toward the gate.
A vehicle shot in, braked with a squeal of tires and slid exactly into the parking place.
It was a white BMW road-rally car. A sedan with a low profile and a big trunk. Plastic no-see-through glass covers had been put over the inside of the windscreen and windows. You couldn't see who was in it.
Utanc got out on the driver's side. She was garbed in a white cloak with a peaked hood, and veiled, and all that was visible of her were her sloe-black eyes and even these were shadowed by the hood.
Daintily and modestly, she crept across the yard and when I would have stopped her, turned her body and slid past me, eyes downcast, and was into her room.
I was in a state of alarm at once! Had I done something to offend her?
Karagoz was getting out. He had some bundles. A small boy grabbed them and sped to Utanc's room. The door slammed behind him.
I went over to Karagoz in alarm. "Is the car all right?"
Karagoz said, "It's fine. They had one all ready to deliver to a rich official and, for a premium, they sent it right over this morning as soon as I relayed your note. Drives great. Awful (bleeped) fast, though."
"Did she like it?"
"Oh, yes! Drooled over it."
"And when does she get her driver's test and all?"
"Oh, we got the license. I only had to show her a few things the salesman showed me. Then I showed her how to steer and so on. In about ten minutes she had it. The test man said she was the best driver he'd seen for some time. Mysterious."
"Well, of course anyone expert at driving camels would have no trouble learning to drive a road-rally, stick-shift car," I said.
"That's true," said Karagoz.
"Then what's she upset about!" I demanded.
He thought and thought. Then he said, "In the store where they sell cassettes, she wanted some Tchaikovsky—he's some composer or other—and some piece called 'The Overture of 1812'—she said she wanted the one with real cannons in it—and they didn't have either one and said they'd have to send to Istanbul for it. But she really wasn't upset. She just told them she'd take the Beatles that they did have and they could order the rest." He thought a while longer. "Oh, yes. She said the high-frequency band was missing on the audio cassette deck
Chapter 8
When I awoke it was well into the afternoon.
I showered, something new for me. I put on clean clothes. Something new for me. I smiled at Melahat Hanim. Something new for me. She was helping the waiter serve me breakfast.
The whole world smelled good, looked bright. Something very new for me.
"Where is my darling Utanc?" I said.
Melahat said, "When the car was delivered, she and Karagoz went off to get her driver's license."
Of course, that was easy. I had given her the proper identification and birth certificate of an actual baby girl that, had it not unreportedly died, would have been about Utanc's age by now. But Karagoz would have to teach her quite a bit before she could pass any driving test.
I went out to the cool patio and sat in a chair. One of the small boys came tearing out of Utanc's room without any clothes on, spun about and vanished. He returned with pants on and tried to sneak by me. It was too narrow a gap. I tousled his head and smiled at him. He gaped back.
I reached in my pocket and got a coin. I gave it to him. He stared at it suspiciously.
I reached into my pocket and gave him a ten-lira note. He took it and looked at it in amazement.
I reached in my pocket and gave him a hundred-lira note, almost a U.S. dollar. "Just tell Utanc, when next you see her," I said, "that the moon and sun together are dim compared to her."
He didn't know what to make of it. He went off muttering the phrase so he could remember it. Suddenly he was back. "Sultan Bey," he said, "can we eat all the grapes we want?"
I smiled indulgently. "Of course."
A little while later, there was a roar of an approaching car. I got up and looked out toward the gate.
A vehicle shot in, braked with a squeal of tires and slid exactly into the parking place.
It was a white BMW road-rally car. A sedan with a low profile and a big trunk. Plastic no-see-through glass covers had been put over the inside of the windscreen and windows. You couldn't see who was in it.
Utanc got out on the driver's side. She was garbed in a white cloak with a peaked hood, and veiled, and all that was visible of her were her sloe-black eyes and even these were shadowed by the hood.
Daintily and modestly, she crept across the yard and when I would have stopped her, turned her body and slid past me, eyes downcast, and was into her room.
I was in a state of alarm at once! Had I done something to offend her?
Karagoz was getting out. He had some bundles. A small boy grabbed them and sped to Utanc's room. The door slammed behind him.
I went over to Karagoz in alarm. "Is the car all right?"
Karagoz said, "It's fine. They had one all ready to deliver to a rich official and, for a premium, they sent it right over this morning as soon as I relayed your note. Drives great. Awful (bleeped) fast, though."
"Did she like it?"
"Oh, yes! Drooled over it."
"And when does she get her driver's test and all?"
"Oh, we got the license. I only had to show her a few things the salesman showed me. Then I showed her how to steer and so on. In about ten minutes she had it. The test man said she was the best driver he'd seen for some time. Mysterious."
"Well, of course anyone expert at driving camels would have no trouble learning to drive a road-rally, stick-shift car," I said.
"That's true," said Karagoz.
"Then what's she upset about!" I demanded.
He thought and thought. Then he said, "In the store where they sell cassettes, she wanted some Tchaikovsky—he's some composer or other—and some piece called 'The Overture of 1812'—she said she wanted the one with real cannons in it—and they didn't have either one and said they'd have to send to Istanbul for it. But she really wasn't upset. She just told them she'd take the Beatles that they did have and they could order the rest." He thought a while longer. "Oh, yes. She said the high-frequency band was missing on the audio cassette deck
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