make
it.”
“Wow.” His arms fall away from me, but I
grasp his fingers tighter. “What the hell is that supposed to mean, Em?”
“I didn't mean it like that,” I rush to
clarify my bad word choice.
“Then how did you mean it? Because first,
you can't come with me, or won't. And then you're saying that a year is gonna
break us. I don't know about you, but that says a lot about what you think of
our relationship, don’t you?”
I turn to face him, ready to have the
second biggest fight of our short time here. “Don't put words in my mouth,
besides, you're the one trying to uproot us for your career.”
When he looks at me, confusion is etched
on his face, “Yes, I need to take this job for my career, as you point
out, but it's not like I have a ton of options out there. Last I checked, we need for me to have this job to make ends meet.”
I'm not going to yell. I take a steadying breath and turn to look at the
frame on the end table next to me because I cannot look at him. One. Two.
Three. Exhale.
My voice is steady when I counter his
argument . “ We came out here, because you said this was the
best place for us, and I followed, because I love you. It took me months to
line up this job with Elle, when I had one already waiting for me back home.
But again, I did it for you. And as far as making ends me, you are not the breadwinner here, Ryan. We are a team, but this is one move that I
will not do for you.”
“Em!” he starts to yell, but I know that
he’s trying to remain calm. “I already said, I don’t expect you to come with
me . Do I want you to? Yes, but not if you don’t want to. You’re making it sound
like I’m choosing work over you, but I’m not.”
“It sure feels like it,” I counter.
“Well, I could say the same thing back to
you.” He looks at me, knowing that he has a point.
We’re in a standoff, neither of us
willing to back down, and I feel both of us are wrong. The silence is
deafening, but I'm afraid if I speak, I'll cave. Ryan is the first to make a
move when he takes a seat at the kitchen counter, and exhales a frustrated
breath. I follow by sitting back down on the couch waiting to see how this will
play out.
A loud knock on the door breaks through
the silence and Ryan gets up to answer it. He pays the delivery guy, sets the
food in the kitchen, and starts to pull out plates from the cabinet. The
conversation could be over, but I’m not ready to let this one die. “How’s this
really going to work, Ryan?” My question is barely a whisper, but I know that
he’s thinking the same thing.
“I’m not sure.”
“I know people go through far worse
things than being temporarily apart, but all I can see is us, and what effect
this could have. I’m really scared.” When the words are finally out there, I
give in to my pain and fears. Ryan sets down whatever he was holding and joins
me on the couch. He reaches over, entwining his fingers with mine and for once,
this small gesture makes me feel even lonelier. “What are you thinking?”
“I’m thinking that this is gonna suck
ass,” he starts. “But we’ll see each other as much as we can on the weekends.
You are amazing and the fuckin’ strongest woman I know. I don’t want you sitting
around here moping while I’m gone. That’s not fair, so go on about your normal
day. Go out with friends, work, and do whatever else. I may be gone, but it’s
not like we’re breaking up or anything. And until I leave, we are spending as
much time together as we can. Okay?”
I let his words filter through and try to
think of any other solution that might help us out of this place. Maybe I
should just go with him. But I would resent him, and if I beg him to stay, he
would, but he would resent me. “Alright,” I say in defeat.
“Alright,” he parrots. “Unless you don't
want to spend time with me,” he asks teasing, because it’s obvious from my
attitude that I want nothing more than to be with him as much as
it.”
“Wow.” His arms fall away from me, but I
grasp his fingers tighter. “What the hell is that supposed to mean, Em?”
“I didn't mean it like that,” I rush to
clarify my bad word choice.
“Then how did you mean it? Because first,
you can't come with me, or won't. And then you're saying that a year is gonna
break us. I don't know about you, but that says a lot about what you think of
our relationship, don’t you?”
I turn to face him, ready to have the
second biggest fight of our short time here. “Don't put words in my mouth,
besides, you're the one trying to uproot us for your career.”
When he looks at me, confusion is etched
on his face, “Yes, I need to take this job for my career, as you point
out, but it's not like I have a ton of options out there. Last I checked, we need for me to have this job to make ends meet.”
I'm not going to yell. I take a steadying breath and turn to look at the
frame on the end table next to me because I cannot look at him. One. Two.
Three. Exhale.
My voice is steady when I counter his
argument . “ We came out here, because you said this was the
best place for us, and I followed, because I love you. It took me months to
line up this job with Elle, when I had one already waiting for me back home.
But again, I did it for you. And as far as making ends me, you are not the breadwinner here, Ryan. We are a team, but this is one move that I
will not do for you.”
“Em!” he starts to yell, but I know that
he’s trying to remain calm. “I already said, I don’t expect you to come with
me . Do I want you to? Yes, but not if you don’t want to. You’re making it sound
like I’m choosing work over you, but I’m not.”
“It sure feels like it,” I counter.
“Well, I could say the same thing back to
you.” He looks at me, knowing that he has a point.
We’re in a standoff, neither of us
willing to back down, and I feel both of us are wrong. The silence is
deafening, but I'm afraid if I speak, I'll cave. Ryan is the first to make a
move when he takes a seat at the kitchen counter, and exhales a frustrated
breath. I follow by sitting back down on the couch waiting to see how this will
play out.
A loud knock on the door breaks through
the silence and Ryan gets up to answer it. He pays the delivery guy, sets the
food in the kitchen, and starts to pull out plates from the cabinet. The
conversation could be over, but I’m not ready to let this one die. “How’s this
really going to work, Ryan?” My question is barely a whisper, but I know that
he’s thinking the same thing.
“I’m not sure.”
“I know people go through far worse
things than being temporarily apart, but all I can see is us, and what effect
this could have. I’m really scared.” When the words are finally out there, I
give in to my pain and fears. Ryan sets down whatever he was holding and joins
me on the couch. He reaches over, entwining his fingers with mine and for once,
this small gesture makes me feel even lonelier. “What are you thinking?”
“I’m thinking that this is gonna suck
ass,” he starts. “But we’ll see each other as much as we can on the weekends.
You are amazing and the fuckin’ strongest woman I know. I don’t want you sitting
around here moping while I’m gone. That’s not fair, so go on about your normal
day. Go out with friends, work, and do whatever else. I may be gone, but it’s
not like we’re breaking up or anything. And until I leave, we are spending as
much time together as we can. Okay?”
I let his words filter through and try to
think of any other solution that might help us out of this place. Maybe I
should just go with him. But I would resent him, and if I beg him to stay, he
would, but he would resent me. “Alright,” I say in defeat.
“Alright,” he parrots. “Unless you don't
want to spend time with me,” he asks teasing, because it’s obvious from my
attitude that I want nothing more than to be with him as much as
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