Read Online Mine Are Spectacular! by Janice Kaplan - Free Book Online Page A

today’s plastic surgery miracles, his mother. Anything but what the paper claims. That the sophisticated blonde standing next to Owen is his wife.
    I keep reading and it’s even worse than I think. Owen and his wife weren’t just attending the party, they were hosting it. A little charity benefit at their upstate retreat. Twenty acres including a team of racehorses, a pond stocked with exotic fish and a brood of champion golden retrievers. Everything but a dancing bear.
    I put the paper down. So where does Kate fit into this pretty picture? It doesn’t sound like there’s a lot of room. Does she even know about this? She must.
    Across the store I see her flouncing out of the dressing room wearing the same bikini bottom but a striped halter top. I rush over to her.
    â€œKate,” I blurt, the moment she’s in earshot. “Owen’s married. Did you know? Did he ever tell you?”
    In the mirror, I see Kate’s pale face redden.
    â€œOf course he told me,” she says carefully.
    â€œWhen were you going to mention it to me?” I ask, thinking how pleased I was a few minutes ago that we never keep secrets from each other.
    Kate fiddles with the halter top. “Sorry, Sara,” she says apologetically. “I wanted you to have a chance to get to know him. Because it’s not the way it sounds.”
    â€œIt sounds bad. Bad like a fourth-grade cello concert. But this one probably won’t improve.”
    â€œIt might,” Kate says, turning around to look at me with her big saucer eyes. “The situation with Owen’s more complicated than you think.”
    Complicated? Seems pretty simple to me. Married men are right up there with carbs, Easy Stride shoes, and blind dates arranged by your pastor—or with your pastor—as things every single woman should avoid.
    â€œAll right, tell me all about it,” I say, trying not to be judgmental. First I’ll listen to my best friend’s story. Then I’ll tell her why she’s ruining her life.
    â€œOwen and his wife aren’t getting along all that well,” Kate says, launching into her defense. “They’ve talked about a separation. Or he’s thinking about talking about it. Something like that.”
    â€œWhat do you expect him to tell you? That they’re building their dream house in Tahiti?”
    â€œOwen tells me the truth,” Kate says.
    â€œThe truth is he’s not leaving her,” I say firmly. “They never leave. You should know that. Don’t you watch
Oprah
? ‘Married Men Talk But Never Walk.’ ”
    â€œMake it into a bumper sticker and I’ll put it on my car.” Kate sighs. “Look, it doesn’t matter to me. Owen and I care about each other and we have fun. That’s all that counts. What we have is exciting—and pretty damn sexy.”
    I’m sure it is. An affair with a married man has so much intrigue. All those whispered conversations. All those clandestine meetings. All those chocolates the hotel maid leaves when she turns down your bed midday. But that’s not the point.
    â€œMarried men are lethal,” I say. “I’m worried about you.”
    â€œDon’t be,” Kate says. “Owen’s definitely non-toxic.”
    â€œAlso non-single, non-marriageable and non-available for Christmas dinners or family events,” I say, trying to make my point. Though I have to admit there’s an upside to missing Christmas dinner with in-laws.
    Kate picks up a pair of Persol sunglasses and a sparkly hair clip that the salesgirl has discreetly left in front of the mirror, right next to the flowery sarong, jeweled mules, Louis Vuitton beach bag, and matching Christian Dior towel. All de rigueur accessories when buying a swimsuit. These days you need more equipment to lie out in the sun than to climb the Himalayas.
    â€œI don’t care about non-marriageable,” Kate says, looking me