sister, thought it was barbaric. We were killing Bambi. My brother, JeremiahâJerryâdidnât like killing things. Dad didnât hold it against him, but it meant that Dad and I were closer than him and Jerry, you know?â
I nodded. âI know.â And just like that heâd told me more about his family than Iâd ever known. I hadnât even known heâd had siblings.
He kept his eyes on my face now. He stared right at me as he said the next part, stared so hard that even under normal circumstances it would have been difficult to hold his gaze. Now, like this, it was like lifting some great weight just to meet the demand in his eyes. I did it, but it was hard work.
âWe had a doe. Weâd field dressed it and put it on a pole. Richie and I were carrying it. Uncle Steve was a little ahead of us. He was carrying Richieâs gun and his. I had my rifle on a strap across my back. Dad always told me that if it was my gun, I needed to hold on to it. I had to control it at all times. Funny. I donât think Dad really liked guns.â
His face started to break, not badly, but around the edges. All the emotions that he was trying not to have chased around the borders of his face. If you didnât know what you were looking at, you might not have understood it, but Iâd had too many people tell me too many awful things not to see it.
âIt was a beautiful day. The sun was warm, the sky was blue, the aspens were like gold. The wind was gusty that day. It kept blowing the leaves around in showers of gold. It was like standing inside a snow globe except instead of snow, it was golden, yellow leaves. God, it was beautiful. And that was when it came for us. It moved so fast, just a dark blur. It hit Uncle Steve and he just went down, never got back up.â His eyes were a little wide, his pulse jumping enough in his throat that I could see it. But other than that his face was neutral. Controlâsuch tight control.
âRichie and I dropped the deer, but Richie didnât have a gun. I got my rifle almost to my shoulder when it hit Richie. He went down screaming, but he drew his knife. He tried to fight back. I saw the knife sparkling in the sunlight.â
He stopped again, and this time the pause was so long that I said, âYou can stop, if you want to.â
âIs it too horrible for you?â
I frowned and shook my head. âNo, if you want to tell it, Iâll listen.â
âI made a big deal out of this, not you. My own fault.â He said that last word with more feeling than it needed. Fault. I could taste the survivorâs guilt on the air.
I wanted to go around the table and touch him but was afraid to. I wasnât sure he wanted to be touched while he told the story. Later, but not now.
âYou know how time can freeze in the middle of a fight?â
I nodded, wasnât sure he saw it, and said, âYes.â
âI remember the face, its face, when it looked up at me from Richieâs body. Youâve seen us in half-man form. The face is leopard, but not. Not human, but not animal either. I remember thinking, I should know what this is . But all I could think was Monster. Itâs a monster .â
He licked his lips and drew a breath that shook when he let it out. âI had the rifle to my shoulder. I fired. I hit it. I hit it two or three times before it got me. It ripped me with its claws, and it wasnât a sharp pain. It was like being hit with a baseball batâhard, thick. You know youâre hurt, but it doesnât feel likeyouâd imagine claws would feelâdo you know what I mean?â
I nodded. âYeah, actually, I know exactly what you mean.â
He looked at me, then down at my arm. âYou do know what I mean, exactly what I mean, donât you?â
âMore than most,â I said, voice soft and as matter-of-fact as I could make it. He had so much emotion that I gave him none
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