I’m worried I’ll get caught up in a moment and react. She’s a married woman legally and I’ll never compromise something as sacred as marriage even if her husband is a first class bastard.
“So what do you plan to do about it?” Colton asks curiously as he cocks up his brow, and the suspicious glare he shot at me last night returns full force.
“Right now I plan to put a little space between us so I can get my head on right. I gotta head outta town for a few days, so I need you to stay close to Savannah for me.”
Colton stifles back a laugh and looks at me pointedly. “You gotta be frickin’ kiddin’ me right? Where the hell you goin’?”
“I wouldn’t leave if I didn’t have to.” I dip my head into my chest shamefully.
“You can’t be her anchor only when it’s convenient for you, Luke. You’re not makin’ any damn sense. You said it yourself she’s fallin’ apart at the seams. Make me understand your logic.” Colton spits the words out of his mouth in a hushed tone, tryin’ his best to keep a grasp on his composure.
Son of a bitch, he’s one hard headed bastard! “I can’t be her damn anchor when I’m sinkin’ myself, Weston.” I bite out and my chest rattles in a dark rage. Slidin’ out of the booth, I stomp out of the dining area and down the hallway towards the office. I fall back into leather chair, extinguishing every breath of air from my body. My head falls to my hands and I fight to suppress the tears that well up in my eyes.
This is why I need to get away. Before Savannah, I could manage the frequent relapse of grief that would present itself anytime a faint memory would flash into mind. But since Savannah, the grief, guilt and anguish seem to follow me everywhere. While my family is nothing more than a memory, I can see Savannah as my future, and guilt grips me because I know I don’t deserve any of this life.
The office door creaks open then latches closed. I can sense Colton’s presence, but I don’t wanna look at the jackass anymore today. He doesn’t say anything for a few minutes. He stands in one spot, looking around the small office observing his surroundings. When I hear metal sliding across the desk, I finally look up to watch him lift the picture frame into his hands. He studies it cautiously. Suddenly, he sits down in the chair adjacent to me as if his legs have defied his weight. He stares at the picture a minute longer before returning the frame to its home.
“I’m sorry, Luke. I-I had no idea. How long’s it been?” Colton stutters over his own words in disbelief.
My eyes drift closed on their own accord as I try to hide the rush of tears that surface, but it’s a useless attempt as they break free when I speak. “Two miserable years next week. Sawyer would have been five on his birthday.”
Colton’s speechless.
Pain in the rawest form ain’t easy for anyone to witness.
“So this is what Carly Jo meant when she said I sliced at healin’ wounds?” He questions and I can hear the guilt in his voice. It’s almost unnatural coming from Colton. I nod my head in response. “Luke, I’m truly sorry. I’ve lost before, but never a child. I can’t imagine where you find the strength to carry on.”
“I move on, sufferin’ in silence because that’s the debt I owe for not savin’ my family. It was my place to protect them, but I couldn’t even do that.” I mutter the words without realizin’ it and they don’t stop until I finish tellin’ Colton all about Alyson and Sawyer and the house fire that took their lives. I explain to him how it was my job, not only as husband and father to watch over my family. But as a firefighter I should have recognized the safety issue and fixed it immediately. That could have spared my family their sufferin’ and my own hell and torment.
I don’t shut up until I’ve explained the road I’ve been on for the last two years. Comin’ home to take care of my old man, buyin’ the diner just so I’d
“So what do you plan to do about it?” Colton asks curiously as he cocks up his brow, and the suspicious glare he shot at me last night returns full force.
“Right now I plan to put a little space between us so I can get my head on right. I gotta head outta town for a few days, so I need you to stay close to Savannah for me.”
Colton stifles back a laugh and looks at me pointedly. “You gotta be frickin’ kiddin’ me right? Where the hell you goin’?”
“I wouldn’t leave if I didn’t have to.” I dip my head into my chest shamefully.
“You can’t be her anchor only when it’s convenient for you, Luke. You’re not makin’ any damn sense. You said it yourself she’s fallin’ apart at the seams. Make me understand your logic.” Colton spits the words out of his mouth in a hushed tone, tryin’ his best to keep a grasp on his composure.
Son of a bitch, he’s one hard headed bastard! “I can’t be her damn anchor when I’m sinkin’ myself, Weston.” I bite out and my chest rattles in a dark rage. Slidin’ out of the booth, I stomp out of the dining area and down the hallway towards the office. I fall back into leather chair, extinguishing every breath of air from my body. My head falls to my hands and I fight to suppress the tears that well up in my eyes.
This is why I need to get away. Before Savannah, I could manage the frequent relapse of grief that would present itself anytime a faint memory would flash into mind. But since Savannah, the grief, guilt and anguish seem to follow me everywhere. While my family is nothing more than a memory, I can see Savannah as my future, and guilt grips me because I know I don’t deserve any of this life.
The office door creaks open then latches closed. I can sense Colton’s presence, but I don’t wanna look at the jackass anymore today. He doesn’t say anything for a few minutes. He stands in one spot, looking around the small office observing his surroundings. When I hear metal sliding across the desk, I finally look up to watch him lift the picture frame into his hands. He studies it cautiously. Suddenly, he sits down in the chair adjacent to me as if his legs have defied his weight. He stares at the picture a minute longer before returning the frame to its home.
“I’m sorry, Luke. I-I had no idea. How long’s it been?” Colton stutters over his own words in disbelief.
My eyes drift closed on their own accord as I try to hide the rush of tears that surface, but it’s a useless attempt as they break free when I speak. “Two miserable years next week. Sawyer would have been five on his birthday.”
Colton’s speechless.
Pain in the rawest form ain’t easy for anyone to witness.
“So this is what Carly Jo meant when she said I sliced at healin’ wounds?” He questions and I can hear the guilt in his voice. It’s almost unnatural coming from Colton. I nod my head in response. “Luke, I’m truly sorry. I’ve lost before, but never a child. I can’t imagine where you find the strength to carry on.”
“I move on, sufferin’ in silence because that’s the debt I owe for not savin’ my family. It was my place to protect them, but I couldn’t even do that.” I mutter the words without realizin’ it and they don’t stop until I finish tellin’ Colton all about Alyson and Sawyer and the house fire that took their lives. I explain to him how it was my job, not only as husband and father to watch over my family. But as a firefighter I should have recognized the safety issue and fixed it immediately. That could have spared my family their sufferin’ and my own hell and torment.
I don’t shut up until I’ve explained the road I’ve been on for the last two years. Comin’ home to take care of my old man, buyin’ the diner just so I’d
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