Memoirs of a Neurotic Zombie

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campers,’ announced Growl. ‘We’ll stay in here while you create your masterpieces.’
    *
    Arts and crafts took on a surprisingly competitive bent when Growl explained that our creations would be judged by the camp’s owner.
    ‘This is a chance to show off your creativity,’ he said. ‘The challenge today is to build the best gingerbread building you can. It could be a house, a monument, anything you want. The bigger, bolder and more creative, the better. And tonight, before dinner, the camp’s owner is going to come to inspect you – I mean your creations – and hand out a prize for the best one. And then after dinner, the best part, you can eat them!’
    The camp counsellors unveiled trays of baked gingerbread in all shapes and sizes, and buckets of sweets for decorations, and handed each of us a piping bag filled with icing. I’d dabbled in cake decoration on rainy Saturday mornings with Mom, so I felt that I had a built-in advantage.
    Nesto, Corina, and I collected our materials and claimed a table to get building.
    ‘What are you guys going to build?’ I asked my friends.
    ‘This mess hall, I think,’ said Nesto. ‘It’s my new favourite place in the world.’
    ‘Transylvania Castle,’ said Corina, leaning in to whisper. ‘It’s the one building every vampire knows by heart.’
    ‘How ’bout you, Adam?’ nudged Nesto.
    I thought of my Broadway dreams and figured if I couldn’t bring Adam Meltzer to the Great White Way, I could bring Broadway to me.  ‘I’m going to build a replica of the Radio City Music Hall in New York City.’
    We spent the morning building our masterpieces, and I must admit (and I’m biased here) that my shrine was stunning. Corina’s was pretty great too. She’d covered it in dark grey icing and made little skulls out of white marshmallows.
    ‘Of course in real life, those are actual human skulls,’ she explained, ‘pulled off the spines of the Count’s enemies.’
    ‘Of course,’ I agreed.
    Before I knew it, Growl was calling, ‘Time for lunch!’
    Instead of keeping us in the dining hall, he led us down to the lakefront where smoke rose from behind the trees. The smell of grilling meat wafted onshore and we discovered that a big BBQ had been set up.
    I still felt full from breakfast, but the sizzling hot dogs and burgers smelled too good to pass up.
    Corina looked glum, and hungry, until Petal showed her a separate BBQ covered in grilled vegetables.
    ‘You made a special one just for me?’ she asked, surprised.
    ‘We want everyone to feel welcome here,’ said Petal, ‘and be well fed.’
    ‘Hey, can we go swimming this afternoon?’ asked Nesto.
    I preferred my bodies of water to be highly chlorinated, but the hot midday sun sparkled on the lake, making it look as inviting as untreated water could possibly be.
    ‘Baseball after the BBQ, and then swimming before the judging,’ said Growl.
    ‘Um, Growl,’ I said. ‘Are the sports optional?’
    ‘Adam’s not really the physical type,’ said Corina.
    ‘I just don’t like games with balls. Or bats. Or balls being thrown at bats that then get hit into the air at high speeds. Maybe we could play curling instead? That’s a Canadian sport and is kind of like sweeping up vigorously on ice.’
    ‘Curling’s a winter sport, Adam. But you’re American, and baseball’s the great American game, isn’t it?’
    ‘Great.’ I sighed. I knew I couldn’t hit, throw, or field, and it was just a matter of time before I made a complete fool of myself on the diamond. Of course, I had no idea this would be the very least of my worries.

14
In Which I Get Taken Out of the Ball Game
    We were split up into two teams and given pre-worn red and blue vests to wear over our clothes. I raised my hand in protest.
    ‘Do you have anything, um, factory fresh?’ I asked.
    ‘You crack me up, Adam,’ said Growl.
    That really wasn’t my intention, but since everybody else had donned their colours, I didn’t want to hold

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