Read Online Melt by Selene Castrovilla - Free Book Online

at me now, waiting patiently like good little therapists for my answer to the question she asked ages ago, and which she’s just repeated: How’s everything going with Joey?
    Â Â Â Â Â Â Isn’t my session over yet?
    Â Â Â Â Â Â This is what it’s like now, at my house. This is what it’s come to. Meet the shrinks. If they’d just be my parents again, I’d spill it all out.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â I’d ask for help in reconciling the two Joeys. The one that’s headed for prison, or worse—and the other, who set me free.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â â€œFine,” I say. Our pancakes are in plates in front of us, losing steam. “Everything’s going great. Pass the syrup, please.”
    Joey
    Â Â Â Â Â Â Snap.
    Crackle.
    Pop.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â Me, Jimmy and Warren
    crunch
    cereal. We’re playing
    the
    game
    looking at the
    sunny yellow wallpaper
    looking at the white light on the
    ceiling looking at the bananas and the
    oranges and the red and green
    apples in the bowl in the middle
    of the table looking
    everywhere
    except
    at them.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â Pop’s jabbing his finger at Mom,
    he pokes
    into her arm,
    he yells she’s a worthless
    bitch.
    My
    head
    feels like it’s gonna
    pop
    right off my neck, it’s gonna
    burst
    wide open
    like a sledgehammered
    watermelon—
    shimmering crimson
    gunk splattered
    over green linoleum and
    bright
    sun.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â Jimmy crunches away he chews on he doesn’t give a
    shit let ‘em kill each other that’s what he thinks.
    I think that’s a good excuse not to help her but
    what’s
    mine?
    Â Â Â Â Â Â But it’s not my
    job
    to save my
    mom
    is it?
    Aren’t I the
    kid?
    Is it my
    fault
    she chooses to stay with
    this
    prick
    she married?
    Once
    I asked her if she
    knew
    before.
    I asked her if she knew what he
    was
    when they were
    dating.
    She said she didn’t. She said he was just
    old
    school
    Irish
    Catholic.
    She said he wanted a housewife to
    cook and
    clean
    and she didn’t wanna work anyway she wanted someone
    solid
    to support
    her.
    Yeah, he was solid alright he packs a nice
    solid
    punch
    don’t he?
    I asked her why she
    stays.
    She said she stays for us for
    me
    and Jimmy and
    Warren.
    And for a while after that
    conversation
    she was my
    hero
    she was my
    home
    warrior
    keeping the family
    whole.
    But then it came to me what a load of
    shit
    that was. She don’t stay for
    me
    and my
    brothers she stays for
    her.
    She stays ‘cause it’s easier than
    going
    than taking care of
    herself and not knowing what’s out there in the
    cold
    dark
    world.
    She’s got no one else to count on that’s for
    sure.
    Back when
    Pop
    started being
    Pop
    she went to her mother and tried
    telling her it wasn’t
    working
    out.
    My grandmother she’s not the
    sympathetic
    type.
    She told my mom: You made your own bed,
    enough
    said.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â Grandma stopped visiting when I was
    little after
    Pop
    told her to eff off one time.
    But I think she was glad to be done with
    us
    anyway to leave us with the
    mess
    Mom
    chose.
    Grandma wasn’t exactly overflowing with
    warmth.
    Touching her was like getting a
    brain
    freeze in your
    body.
    The really funny thing is that out of them three
    Pop
    is the
    only
    one who ever
    brought
    up
    love.
    He loves Mom he tells her
    sometimes
    when he’s not
    hitting
    her
    and I think he means it too.
    But Mom I don’t think she loves
    Pop
    not one bit.
    She takes what he gives
    the good the
    bad
    this is her
    life so
    be
    it.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â Now Doll
    comes into my head.
    Me and Doll with all them paintings water
    water
    everywhere.
    Sweet sweet Doll oh god I can taste her lips they’re like oxygen
    pure
    oxygen a dose of fresh air
    they’re hope
    she tastes like hope.
    For the first time
    I’m not