Read Online Me You Us by Aaron Karo - Free Book Online

these days.It’s weird.”
    â€œNot too thin. Got it.”
    â€œAnd no one who says ‘hella.’ I hate that. What does that even mean?”
    â€œNo ‘hella.’ Done.”
    This was one of Adam’s major issues when I first helped him: He’s the most finicky guy I’ve ever met. He nitpicked everyone and everything. Girls were “too nice.” The air was “too breathable.” He once said that a sandwich was “too bready,” which I think pretty much defies the laws of sandwichness. Adam was hopeless when he came to me: Olivia is a total free spirit, and so, by conventional standards, she and Adam were polar opposites. But much like I did with his nose and those glasses, I helped Adam frame his weakness as a positive. He’s reliable, organized, and steady—voilà: just the grounding presence Olivia never even knew she needed but soon couldn’t live without.
    The problem with free spirits both male and female, however, is that they can never truly be tamed . . . and then one day they stray.
    â€œI can’t believe she cheated on me,” he says. “I did everything right.”
    â€œI know, man. It sucks. But unfortunately, it happens. So why don’t we get back to basics. You know the drill. Be different. Notice her. Tell her. Let’s talk about how we’re gonna get you out of this rut.”
    â€œHere’s the thing.” He pouts. “I’m busy. I have chessclub Monday. Model UN Tuesday. Mathletes Thursday. I missed anime club today because of this whole mess.”
    God knows what happens if you miss anime club.
    â€œI’m busy,” he repeats. “I need someone who understands how busy I am.” He starts to cry once more.
    Having been the victim of epic heartbreak myself, I know that he is more than entitled to whine and sob all he wants. “It’s okay, Adam. We’ll find you someone who gets you and makes time for you.”
    I let him blubber a bit more until he finally composes himself. I pull out some tissues from the pocket of my ­Windbreaker and he blows his nose. I know Adam will come around to my thinking. He’ll listen. He always does.
    â€œHere’s what I want you to do,” I say. “Start to consider if there’s anyone at school you might be interested in. If there’s a bright side to this, it’s that girls feel bad for a guy with a broken heart. You just got out of a relationship that ended through no fault of your own. I mean, you’re a hot commodity!”
    â€œI am?”
    â€œOh yeah. Sympathy is a major aphrodisiac. I know you don’t trust the Galgorithm right now, but the week or two after a breakup is a great window.”
    â€œI just don’t know if I’m ready.”
    â€œAdam, there’s no better way to get over an ex than to meet someone new. That’s just science.”
    â€œHuh. Well . . . there is one girl I’ve kinda had a crush on.”
    I sense an opportunity to really build up his confidence and seize it. “That’s great. And guess what? You don’t even need me.”
    â€œReally?”
    â€œYeah. Adam, you were one of my best clients. You’re outgoing. You’re persistent. You don’t need me to hold your hand anymore.”
    This probably isn’t true, but if it gets him out of his funk any quicker, there’s no harm done.
    â€œSo . . .”
    â€œSo I want you to find that girl you have a crush on, go right up to her, and do your thing.”
    â€œAny girl?”
    â€œAny girl. The world is your oyster,” I say.
    â€œI’m allergic to oysters.”
    I sigh. “How about carpe diem? Does carpe diem work for you?”
    â€œIt does. Thanks, Shane.”
    â€œNo problem.”
    We both stand up and start heading back to the parking lot. I’m shivering.
    â€œBy the way,” I add, “since when are you so emo?”
    â€œWhat do you