Read Online Maybe This Time by Joan Kilby - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Joan Kilby
Tags: kc
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a single mum instead of having a family, I’m really happy about the baby. Everything’s working out.” She brightened and leaned forward again. “And I’ve just been accepted into the master’s of nursing program.”
“The master’s program?” He frowned. “Are you still going to have time for that? Even when we were together and you were only nursing part-time you found it hard to juggle work and caring for Holly.”
No thanks to him! She opened her mouth, wanting to snap out that she would have found studying easier if he’d helped out more, taken an active role in baby care instead of always, always going to the pub.
Yes, Darcy worked long hours and she’d been part-time—they’d needed both incomes. But that didn’t stop her from resenting the time he spent at the pub. He loved socializing with customers and his friends who dropped in. Sometimes she wondered if he’d loved the social scene more than her and Holly. And though she could never prove it, and he would deny it if asked, she wondered if he spent more time there than strictly necessary to get away from the chaotic home life with a baby and then a toddler.
But she bit her tongue and said nothing. Stress wasn’t good for the baby. She rested a hand on her abdomen and breathed slowly and calmly. Water under the bridge. Let it flow away and take her anger with it. “I can handle it.”
“If anyone can, you will. But, Emma...” Darcy leaned forward, elbows on knees, as if finally getting around to the reason for his visit. Even then he didn’t speak right away but stared at the carpet. Finally, he looked up. “Are you emotionally ready for a baby? It’s awfully soon after...Holly. Are you doing this for the right reasons, or are you trying to fill a gap in your life?”
The emotional seesaw in Emma’s heart that continually teetered between love and resentment tipped sharply toward the latter. What right did he have to even ask these questions? They were divorced. How dare he act as if he still cared or even had a say in her emotional welfare?
“ Soon? It’s been a year and a half. I’m thirty-five, not getting any younger.” Emma got to her feet and paced the small space between the couch and the coffee table. “As for a gap in my life, yes, there’s a huge gap that I want to fill. I had a family. Now I don’t. I want children. You don’t give up just because tragedy strikes. Or, rather, some people don’t.” She ignored his slight flinch. He wanted to be blunt—she would be, too. “Are you talking about me or yourself, because you can’t handle the thought of being responsible for another baby?”
“I’m talking about you, of course. According to you, this doesn’t affect me.” His voice held a trace of bitterness.
“Only because you’re adamant you don’t want another child. If I thought for one second—” She broke off. Their marriage was finished. There was no point holding out hope for reconciliation simply because she was having his baby. Especially when their conflicting desires regarding babies had torn them apart in the first place.
“I’m not ready for another child. I haven’t gotten over Holly yet.” Quietly, he added, “If I ever will.”
“You won’t unless you work through your guilt.”
He pressed fingers to the bridge of his nose. “I wasn’t on the spot. There’s nothing I could have done.”
In other words, she was to blame. Is that what he was saying? “Go ahead...you keep telling yourself that. But just ask yourself, why have you given up drinking?”
“I wanted to lose some weight, get healthier.” He shrugged, apparently bewildered at her question. “Alcohol dependency is an occupational hazard in my job. I didn’t want it to get the better of me.”
“You weren’t an alcoholic.” She turned away, breathing out the tightness. “You haven’t got a clue. And yet you come here and lecture me.”
Silence settled over the room.
“You still cry over her,” he said at
“The master’s program?” He frowned. “Are you still going to have time for that? Even when we were together and you were only nursing part-time you found it hard to juggle work and caring for Holly.”
No thanks to him! She opened her mouth, wanting to snap out that she would have found studying easier if he’d helped out more, taken an active role in baby care instead of always, always going to the pub.
Yes, Darcy worked long hours and she’d been part-time—they’d needed both incomes. But that didn’t stop her from resenting the time he spent at the pub. He loved socializing with customers and his friends who dropped in. Sometimes she wondered if he’d loved the social scene more than her and Holly. And though she could never prove it, and he would deny it if asked, she wondered if he spent more time there than strictly necessary to get away from the chaotic home life with a baby and then a toddler.
But she bit her tongue and said nothing. Stress wasn’t good for the baby. She rested a hand on her abdomen and breathed slowly and calmly. Water under the bridge. Let it flow away and take her anger with it. “I can handle it.”
“If anyone can, you will. But, Emma...” Darcy leaned forward, elbows on knees, as if finally getting around to the reason for his visit. Even then he didn’t speak right away but stared at the carpet. Finally, he looked up. “Are you emotionally ready for a baby? It’s awfully soon after...Holly. Are you doing this for the right reasons, or are you trying to fill a gap in your life?”
The emotional seesaw in Emma’s heart that continually teetered between love and resentment tipped sharply toward the latter. What right did he have to even ask these questions? They were divorced. How dare he act as if he still cared or even had a say in her emotional welfare?
“ Soon? It’s been a year and a half. I’m thirty-five, not getting any younger.” Emma got to her feet and paced the small space between the couch and the coffee table. “As for a gap in my life, yes, there’s a huge gap that I want to fill. I had a family. Now I don’t. I want children. You don’t give up just because tragedy strikes. Or, rather, some people don’t.” She ignored his slight flinch. He wanted to be blunt—she would be, too. “Are you talking about me or yourself, because you can’t handle the thought of being responsible for another baby?”
“I’m talking about you, of course. According to you, this doesn’t affect me.” His voice held a trace of bitterness.
“Only because you’re adamant you don’t want another child. If I thought for one second—” She broke off. Their marriage was finished. There was no point holding out hope for reconciliation simply because she was having his baby. Especially when their conflicting desires regarding babies had torn them apart in the first place.
“I’m not ready for another child. I haven’t gotten over Holly yet.” Quietly, he added, “If I ever will.”
“You won’t unless you work through your guilt.”
He pressed fingers to the bridge of his nose. “I wasn’t on the spot. There’s nothing I could have done.”
In other words, she was to blame. Is that what he was saying? “Go ahead...you keep telling yourself that. But just ask yourself, why have you given up drinking?”
“I wanted to lose some weight, get healthier.” He shrugged, apparently bewildered at her question. “Alcohol dependency is an occupational hazard in my job. I didn’t want it to get the better of me.”
“You weren’t an alcoholic.” She turned away, breathing out the tightness. “You haven’t got a clue. And yet you come here and lecture me.”
Silence settled over the room.
“You still cry over her,” he said at
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