Maybe Baby
anything was going pear-shaped. If she was thinking of visiting him, then Andreas and his wandering eye must have really been bothering her.
    "Why don't you and Colin just try to make a go of it?" I asked. "How many years has it been of you two bouncing between relationships and still hooking up anyway?"
    Eddy pursed her lips together and watched me stead ily. "You know that's a forbidden topic, Laney."
    "Why?"
    "Because Colin and I can never make it work." She let out a sigh that was both wistful and resigned. I knew she still had feelings for Colin. She'd been in love with him for so long and they'd tried—on and off—to make their relationship stick, but it never did. Sometimes I wondered if it was cold feet on both parts or if it was everything that happened when they were together in New York. There'd been so many factors: racial tension, misunderstandings that flared with the merest kindling into something too large to control, so-called friends who disapproved, and then Colin's sudden decision to move back to Europe. And then he was gone, and Eddy—who was so in love that she would have done anything for him—followed him to Europe, but couldn't convince him that they were worth fighting for. And then she gave up and looked for someone else to love. They still spoke often; they never let go properly.
    "Maybe you could now. You're not kids anymore."
    Eddy gave me a cool look. I was treading on thin ice. "There is nothing left there. We're just friends."
    "So why are you thinking about going to Rome?"
    "To visit a friend," she stressed and then drained her glass of sake. "I don't want to talk about me. I want to talk about you."
    "There's nothing to tell, Eddy." I ate my last piece of sushi. Mads flashed through my mind. I pushed him back into a corner. "I went to the clinic and I met one of the specialists. She took me through the entire process. I still need to think about it."
    "You know you have to shoot yourself up with hormones before they can inseminate you, right?"
    I nodded. "She told me about it."
    "Are you nervous?" Before I could answer, she shook her head and said, "I would be. I would be, if I were you. You're stepping into something completely new. You don't even know what to expect."
    "I expect a child at the end."
    "Well, you'd get a child, but you know what I mean. The magnitude of it."
    "As long as I don't get a child like Siri, I will be ha ppy."
    Eddy laughed and slapped my arm. "Girl, you are i nsane! You know what I mean. This isn't just about having a baby. This is about bringing someone into this world and being connected to them in a way that can even supersede whatever you feel for Niklas. You will love your child more than you love him."
    "I know. Ingrid told me about how it was for her. She said she had to learn to love Anton again, because she only had eyes for her babies."
    I tried to imagine it, though. What would my life with Niklas be like with the addition of a baby? One of the home offices would have to become a nursery. When Niklas was still married to Karolina, the babies slept in their bedroom—often in between them in bed—and he'd hated it. Not because the babies invaded his space, but because he was terrified he would accidentally crush them in his sleep. He was a wild sleeper. I knew it from how many times his arms and hands crashed into me at night. I'd already decided our nursery would also have a daybed, so that I could sleep there if need be.
    "That could be you, Laney," Eddy said softly. "You need to think about it. You and Niklas are already going through a rough patch. A baby could make it even rougher."
    "I thought you were gung-ho for me to do this."
    "I want you to do it, if you think you're ready for it. Not because I said you should do it. Did you meet any of the donors?"
    "A few, but none of them really lit any fires for me."
    "You don't have to fall in love with them. You just have to like the look of them."
    "That's what I meant." I said quickly. "I didn't

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