Read Online Martin Harbottle's Appreciation of Time by Dominic Utton - Free Book Online
Authors: Dominic Utton
Tags: British Transport, Train delays, Panorama, News of the World, First Great Western, Commuting, Network Rail
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say.
And, of course, that’s not all of it. I’ve got another problem.
My other problem is, how does this morning’s marathon delay square with this pet project of mine? If the length of this email is to reflect the length of my delay, if I’m to waste a proportionate amount of your time (as you have wasted mine), then what do I do about today’s sorry situation?
It’s a test case, is what it is. It’s – as our bewigged adversaries in the legal profession prefer to put it – a precedent. If, for example, I decide that a cancelled train is the equivalent of, say, 30 minutes’ delay, then that’s how it’ll have to be from now on. The precedent will be set.
But does that mean that three cancelled trains require me to bang on for an hour and a half of your time?
I’m not going to bang on for an hour and a half today. To be frank: I don’t think I could manage it. I haven’t got it in me to keep you stimulated for that long. So I’m going to devise a formula. A secret formula! An equation involving the relative differences between scheduled journey times for the train I should have got and the coach I did get, factoring in an integer representing the cancellation of trains (multiplied by three) and with a little bit added on for the walk from the train station to the bus station. And a little bit taken off for the slightly shorter tube journey at the other end. And then a wordsearch right at the bottom to cover all the extra time I forgot to include in my original calculations.
What did happen this morning? The buzz in the station was that a train broke down. Could that be true? Again? How often does that happen? That trains break down, I mean? What’s the lifespan of your average passenger train these days? How often do you replace them? And is that too many questions for one paragraph?
I await the answers with breath firmly baited. Or bated. And in the meantime, I’ll leave you with a cheering thought. One ray of sunshine in an otherwise grey and overcast day.
I sat next to a lovely old American gentleman on my coach journey to London this morning. He was over for his holidays. He ‘did’ the Lake District at the weekend, he ‘did’ Oxford yesterday and he was ‘doing’ London today and tomorrow. On Saturday he was off to France to ‘do’ Paris, before tripping over to Deutschland to ‘do’ Germany – all of it, mind – on Sunday, Monday and Tuesday. He was one of life’s doers. I really liked him. I liked his energy. He was about 85 and he was ‘doing’ Europe in about ten days. Europe was totally his lobster!
When I grow old I’d like to be like that. The doing bit/Europe being my lobster thing, I mean, obviously. Not the holidaying alone on a coach bit. When I grow old I’d like to be one of life’s doers. How about you? Would you like to be a doer someday too?
And in the meantime, and in the absence of any doing to do – I made a wordsearch for you. It’s not in the same league as my old dad’s were, but it’s something. See how many you can find!
Au revoir !
Dan
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Re: 07.31 / 07.52 / 08.06 Premier Westward Railways train from Oxford to London Paddington, July 12.
Dear Dan
I am sorry once again that you have had to write to me. The 21.48 on July 7 was late leaving Paddington due to a problem with the relief driver.
Yesterday we unfortunately experienced widespread disruption to our services in the morning due to vandalism on the line in the Banbury area. The theft of copper wiring is a serious and ongoing problem and one that we are working hard with Network Rail and the British Transport Police to prevent in future.
I am sorry that you felt you had to catch the coach to London, and also sorry that the delay caused problems when you arrived at work. ‘Goebbels’ sounds a fearsome chap!
Best
Martin
Letter 14
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Re: 21.20
And, of course, that’s not all of it. I’ve got another problem.
My other problem is, how does this morning’s marathon delay square with this pet project of mine? If the length of this email is to reflect the length of my delay, if I’m to waste a proportionate amount of your time (as you have wasted mine), then what do I do about today’s sorry situation?
It’s a test case, is what it is. It’s – as our bewigged adversaries in the legal profession prefer to put it – a precedent. If, for example, I decide that a cancelled train is the equivalent of, say, 30 minutes’ delay, then that’s how it’ll have to be from now on. The precedent will be set.
But does that mean that three cancelled trains require me to bang on for an hour and a half of your time?
I’m not going to bang on for an hour and a half today. To be frank: I don’t think I could manage it. I haven’t got it in me to keep you stimulated for that long. So I’m going to devise a formula. A secret formula! An equation involving the relative differences between scheduled journey times for the train I should have got and the coach I did get, factoring in an integer representing the cancellation of trains (multiplied by three) and with a little bit added on for the walk from the train station to the bus station. And a little bit taken off for the slightly shorter tube journey at the other end. And then a wordsearch right at the bottom to cover all the extra time I forgot to include in my original calculations.
What did happen this morning? The buzz in the station was that a train broke down. Could that be true? Again? How often does that happen? That trains break down, I mean? What’s the lifespan of your average passenger train these days? How often do you replace them? And is that too many questions for one paragraph?
I await the answers with breath firmly baited. Or bated. And in the meantime, I’ll leave you with a cheering thought. One ray of sunshine in an otherwise grey and overcast day.
I sat next to a lovely old American gentleman on my coach journey to London this morning. He was over for his holidays. He ‘did’ the Lake District at the weekend, he ‘did’ Oxford yesterday and he was ‘doing’ London today and tomorrow. On Saturday he was off to France to ‘do’ Paris, before tripping over to Deutschland to ‘do’ Germany – all of it, mind – on Sunday, Monday and Tuesday. He was one of life’s doers. I really liked him. I liked his energy. He was about 85 and he was ‘doing’ Europe in about ten days. Europe was totally his lobster!
When I grow old I’d like to be like that. The doing bit/Europe being my lobster thing, I mean, obviously. Not the holidaying alone on a coach bit. When I grow old I’d like to be one of life’s doers. How about you? Would you like to be a doer someday too?
And in the meantime, and in the absence of any doing to do – I made a wordsearch for you. It’s not in the same league as my old dad’s were, but it’s something. See how many you can find!
Au revoir !
Dan
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Re: 07.31 / 07.52 / 08.06 Premier Westward Railways train from Oxford to London Paddington, July 12.
Dear Dan
I am sorry once again that you have had to write to me. The 21.48 on July 7 was late leaving Paddington due to a problem with the relief driver.
Yesterday we unfortunately experienced widespread disruption to our services in the morning due to vandalism on the line in the Banbury area. The theft of copper wiring is a serious and ongoing problem and one that we are working hard with Network Rail and the British Transport Police to prevent in future.
I am sorry that you felt you had to catch the coach to London, and also sorry that the delay caused problems when you arrived at work. ‘Goebbels’ sounds a fearsome chap!
Best
Martin
Letter 14
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Re: 21.20
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