Read Online Marshmallows for Breakfast by Dorothy Koomson - Free Book Online
Authors: Dorothy Koomson
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flat, I didn't ask them about it.”
“They did what?” Kyle asked, visibly shaken.
“They hid the bottles that you'd drunk because they were scared of you being found out. They sorted through that embarrassment of alcohol to hide your secret.”
Distraught, Kyle ran his hand over his hair, then scratched absently at a point on top of his head as a million tiny, unnameable thoughts danced across his face while he struggled with his conscience. His eyes darted outside to the children, watching them as more emotions bloomed on his face.
“What were you doing with all that alcohol?” I asked. I had to know. There was so much of it, had he really set out to drink it all, to kill himself, but passed out before it worked? “Were you seriously going to drink it all?”
From distraught, his expression segued smoothly into contempt. “That's none of your business,” he stated and went back to glaring into the black depths of his cup. We sat in silence, all good feeling had been quashed. He didn't like me, and I wasn't exactly wild about him.
“Be honest, Kyle,” I said eventually to break the silence. “You don't want the kids, do you?”
His face went to protest, to argue.
“Be honest, it won't go any further,” I prodded.
He said nothing, sat back in his chair, stared down at his coffee cup with his lips slightly twisted together.
“You don't do you? You're just keeping them because you think it'll make her come back.”
Kyle glanced away, back out of the window, watching his children play. I spun a little in my chair to watch them, too. They should be at school, but I'd had to ring and say they were ill. Jaxon's fort was pretty high, the colored bricks vivid in the February sunshine. Summer had abandoned her bike at the part of the path nearest my flat and was on the grass beside Jaxon, making her rabbit jump around his fort. Theywere both still subdued. How often was what happened earlier replaying itself in their minds? How deeply had it scarred them? How many times had it happened before? How scared were they that it'd happen again?
“I'm not saying you don't love them, but you're using them, aren't you?”
Kyle looked away from his kids, his line of sight moving up towards my flat. “It's not that simple,” he said.
“I know it's not that simple. And to be honest, Kyle, if I was in your situation, I can't put my hand on my heart and say I wouldn't be doing the same thing. But you can't use them as weapons without hurting them.”
“You make it sound as though she's the perfect one, that she loves the children and I don't. She didn't just walk out on me, she left them as well. I woke up one morning and she was gone. She's the reason why Jaxon doesn't talk, you know that? He saw her leaving and she told him not to say anything, and he took her literally. Stopped talking. He only speaks to Summer now, really. A couple of sentences every now and again to me, but other than that, nothing. His mother did that to him. You think I'm going to send them back to that?
“And that ridiculous family holiday we went on … ‘Oh, Kyle, let's still go on the holiday.’ It was her idea. And you know why? Because I'd already paid for the flights and hotel so she thought she'd use it to go for an interview she had set up over there. And she's staying there. I, meanwhile, am thinking … So they must be thinking … But no. She wants rid of me for good. ‘Oh, and by the way, could you take the kids home while I sort out my new life over here and then when I'm ready, I'd like to take the kids away too.’ “
Anything I said now would sound trite, as though I was dismissing what he'd gone through. Truth be told, I didn'tunderstand. It must be hell. It must shred at his insides. And his wife … She obviously had her reasons for doing what she did, but what they both seemed to have forgotten is that Jaxon and Summer didn't ask for this. They didn't ask to be born, especially not to two screwed-up people. They
“They did what?” Kyle asked, visibly shaken.
“They hid the bottles that you'd drunk because they were scared of you being found out. They sorted through that embarrassment of alcohol to hide your secret.”
Distraught, Kyle ran his hand over his hair, then scratched absently at a point on top of his head as a million tiny, unnameable thoughts danced across his face while he struggled with his conscience. His eyes darted outside to the children, watching them as more emotions bloomed on his face.
“What were you doing with all that alcohol?” I asked. I had to know. There was so much of it, had he really set out to drink it all, to kill himself, but passed out before it worked? “Were you seriously going to drink it all?”
From distraught, his expression segued smoothly into contempt. “That's none of your business,” he stated and went back to glaring into the black depths of his cup. We sat in silence, all good feeling had been quashed. He didn't like me, and I wasn't exactly wild about him.
“Be honest, Kyle,” I said eventually to break the silence. “You don't want the kids, do you?”
His face went to protest, to argue.
“Be honest, it won't go any further,” I prodded.
He said nothing, sat back in his chair, stared down at his coffee cup with his lips slightly twisted together.
“You don't do you? You're just keeping them because you think it'll make her come back.”
Kyle glanced away, back out of the window, watching his children play. I spun a little in my chair to watch them, too. They should be at school, but I'd had to ring and say they were ill. Jaxon's fort was pretty high, the colored bricks vivid in the February sunshine. Summer had abandoned her bike at the part of the path nearest my flat and was on the grass beside Jaxon, making her rabbit jump around his fort. Theywere both still subdued. How often was what happened earlier replaying itself in their minds? How deeply had it scarred them? How many times had it happened before? How scared were they that it'd happen again?
“I'm not saying you don't love them, but you're using them, aren't you?”
Kyle looked away from his kids, his line of sight moving up towards my flat. “It's not that simple,” he said.
“I know it's not that simple. And to be honest, Kyle, if I was in your situation, I can't put my hand on my heart and say I wouldn't be doing the same thing. But you can't use them as weapons without hurting them.”
“You make it sound as though she's the perfect one, that she loves the children and I don't. She didn't just walk out on me, she left them as well. I woke up one morning and she was gone. She's the reason why Jaxon doesn't talk, you know that? He saw her leaving and she told him not to say anything, and he took her literally. Stopped talking. He only speaks to Summer now, really. A couple of sentences every now and again to me, but other than that, nothing. His mother did that to him. You think I'm going to send them back to that?
“And that ridiculous family holiday we went on … ‘Oh, Kyle, let's still go on the holiday.’ It was her idea. And you know why? Because I'd already paid for the flights and hotel so she thought she'd use it to go for an interview she had set up over there. And she's staying there. I, meanwhile, am thinking … So they must be thinking … But no. She wants rid of me for good. ‘Oh, and by the way, could you take the kids home while I sort out my new life over here and then when I'm ready, I'd like to take the kids away too.’ “
Anything I said now would sound trite, as though I was dismissing what he'd gone through. Truth be told, I didn'tunderstand. It must be hell. It must shred at his insides. And his wife … She obviously had her reasons for doing what she did, but what they both seemed to have forgotten is that Jaxon and Summer didn't ask for this. They didn't ask to be born, especially not to two screwed-up people. They
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