much.
“I feel like I failed you,” he said.
She shook her head. “You were amazing, and you did all you could.” She didn’t want him to feel bad. Her father had been doomed before they even arrived on the scene. A black void of sorrow opened its mouth wide in front of her, threatening to swallow her whole. She hid her face against Eli’s body, not wanting him to see her fall apart.
Eli sighed and laid his large palm against her cheek, his fingers burrowing in her hair. His other arm held her against him, like he wasn’t going to let anything happen to her. She was surprised how good it felt. They were practically strangers. And she planned for it to stay that way, in all the ways that counted. But for now . . . she focused on the deep rise and fall of Eli’s chest, the whoosh of air from his lungs, the pulse in his neck. She counted the beats, pinning her thoughts to each number so she wouldn’t picture the doctors with her father, their fruitless attempts to jolt his silent heart back into motion.
They sat like that for a long time—quiet, alone and yet together. Eli held perfectly still for her, like he knew one move would remind her of where she was, of what they were waiting for. She pressed her palm over his chest and took refuge in the solid strength of him. Maybe, if she could stay there forever, the darkness wouldn’t find her. Maybe she could hold off the moment when her father’s death became real just a little longer—
The swooshing sound of an automatic door opening stole her breath. Eli’s arms became steel around her. His heart pounded beneath her hand. Hers felt like it had stopped.
“Ms. Ferry?” asked the doctor as he strode forward to look into the back of the ambulance. He was a wispy little fellow, and Cacy had delivered many a patient into his competent care. She knew the message he’d come to deliver by the well-practiced mournful tone of his voice.
“Dr. Umber,” she said, proud of the evenness of her voice as she pulled away from Eli.
“I’m sorry,” the doctor said. “We were unable to restart your father’s heart.”
Cacy nodded, sparks and spots crowding her vision. The only thing keeping her from hurtling into a black abyss of helpless sorrow was Eli. “Can I see him?” she asked, fighting to keep her fragile control from breaking.
The doctor looked hesitant. “He hasn’t been cleaned up—”
“I can handle it.” She hopped off the back of the rig, feeling surprisingly steady, then looked down and realized she was holding Eli’s hand in a white-knuckled grip.
Dr. Umber stepped back and gestured toward the hospital doors. “The forensic team is on its way, but I don’t see the harm in a few minutes.”
They walked down the stark-white hall of the emergency department and into the operating theater where they’d worked on her father. Eli didn’t try to get his hand back, and she didn’t let it go.
Her father lay on a table, covered up to his neck with a crimson-stained sheet. His face was white and bloodless. His eyes were closed. His cheeks were sunken. Cacy stared, trying to reconcile this image with the understanding she’d had of him. Immortal. Timeless. Strong.
“Do you need me to call Dec?” Eli asked. “Give you some time alone?”
Dec would already know; Len would have called him. But she nodded and finally released Eli’s hand. She had to get her father’s Scope before the forensic team arrived. She had to get ready to help her brothers and sister deal with the enormous fallout. And she had to get some distance from Eli. She had to make sure she didn’t start to need him.
“Yeah. Thanks. For everything.”
He gave her shoulder a quick squeeze and headed out.
When the door to the operating theater slipped closed behind him, Cacy reached out and pulled the sheet away from her father’s neck.
His Scope was gone.
“Motherfuckers,” she whispered as she pulled the sheet back up. Someone had already taken it. She reached into
“I feel like I failed you,” he said.
She shook her head. “You were amazing, and you did all you could.” She didn’t want him to feel bad. Her father had been doomed before they even arrived on the scene. A black void of sorrow opened its mouth wide in front of her, threatening to swallow her whole. She hid her face against Eli’s body, not wanting him to see her fall apart.
Eli sighed and laid his large palm against her cheek, his fingers burrowing in her hair. His other arm held her against him, like he wasn’t going to let anything happen to her. She was surprised how good it felt. They were practically strangers. And she planned for it to stay that way, in all the ways that counted. But for now . . . she focused on the deep rise and fall of Eli’s chest, the whoosh of air from his lungs, the pulse in his neck. She counted the beats, pinning her thoughts to each number so she wouldn’t picture the doctors with her father, their fruitless attempts to jolt his silent heart back into motion.
They sat like that for a long time—quiet, alone and yet together. Eli held perfectly still for her, like he knew one move would remind her of where she was, of what they were waiting for. She pressed her palm over his chest and took refuge in the solid strength of him. Maybe, if she could stay there forever, the darkness wouldn’t find her. Maybe she could hold off the moment when her father’s death became real just a little longer—
The swooshing sound of an automatic door opening stole her breath. Eli’s arms became steel around her. His heart pounded beneath her hand. Hers felt like it had stopped.
“Ms. Ferry?” asked the doctor as he strode forward to look into the back of the ambulance. He was a wispy little fellow, and Cacy had delivered many a patient into his competent care. She knew the message he’d come to deliver by the well-practiced mournful tone of his voice.
“Dr. Umber,” she said, proud of the evenness of her voice as she pulled away from Eli.
“I’m sorry,” the doctor said. “We were unable to restart your father’s heart.”
Cacy nodded, sparks and spots crowding her vision. The only thing keeping her from hurtling into a black abyss of helpless sorrow was Eli. “Can I see him?” she asked, fighting to keep her fragile control from breaking.
The doctor looked hesitant. “He hasn’t been cleaned up—”
“I can handle it.” She hopped off the back of the rig, feeling surprisingly steady, then looked down and realized she was holding Eli’s hand in a white-knuckled grip.
Dr. Umber stepped back and gestured toward the hospital doors. “The forensic team is on its way, but I don’t see the harm in a few minutes.”
They walked down the stark-white hall of the emergency department and into the operating theater where they’d worked on her father. Eli didn’t try to get his hand back, and she didn’t let it go.
Her father lay on a table, covered up to his neck with a crimson-stained sheet. His face was white and bloodless. His eyes were closed. His cheeks were sunken. Cacy stared, trying to reconcile this image with the understanding she’d had of him. Immortal. Timeless. Strong.
“Do you need me to call Dec?” Eli asked. “Give you some time alone?”
Dec would already know; Len would have called him. But she nodded and finally released Eli’s hand. She had to get her father’s Scope before the forensic team arrived. She had to get ready to help her brothers and sister deal with the enormous fallout. And she had to get some distance from Eli. She had to make sure she didn’t start to need him.
“Yeah. Thanks. For everything.”
He gave her shoulder a quick squeeze and headed out.
When the door to the operating theater slipped closed behind him, Cacy reached out and pulled the sheet away from her father’s neck.
His Scope was gone.
“Motherfuckers,” she whispered as she pulled the sheet back up. Someone had already taken it. She reached into
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