Much like 25
the Margie Pelt, of my fantasy world. 26
“Oh, hush,” Shelby says, but she smiles too, so I under 27
stand she is not really cross. She stands and throws the S28
remains of her sandwich in the trash. I do the same with my N29
01 apple core. And then Shelby takes my arm so we can walk
02 back inside the building together.
03 My father is a good businessman, just like Ezra Rosen
04 stein. Even now, I imagine him in Switzerland with his new
05 wife, spending his days drowning in correspondence from the
06 book he edited and put out into the world, and which, I imag
07 ine, has made him a millionaire several times over.
08 Even before the war, we always lived well, and after we
09 were hiding, he worried about his business, Opekta, a com
10 pany that distributed pectin used to make jams. One time
11 there was an important meeting down in the office below us,
12 and he wanted nothing more than to attend. “Why don’t you
13 listen at the floor?” I suggested, and his wide smile was my
14 reward. The space was too tight for him, though; he grew
15 cramped, so I offered to listen for him. Of course, my sister
16 insisted on coming along. She fought so much with Mother,
17 but Father was hers; she couldn’t give him to me, even for a
18 moment.
19 I strained my ears and forced myself to record the conver
20 sation, boring as it was. All the talk about the price of pectin
21 and importing and such. I recorded it in shorthand in a note
22 book.
23 My sister fell asleep, her head lounging against my knee,
24 and I dared not move for fear I’d startle her awake, she’d
25 make a noise, and we’d be discovered. Finally, she awoke, and
26 sat up, and she immediately grabbed the notebook, and off
27 she went to find him.
28S “Pim,” she said cheerily. “Oh, Pim, we have conducted
29N
business on your behalf today.” Father kissed and hugged her 01
and read the notes, that he seemed to assume were her notes, 02
and I thought they meant a lot to him because he mumbled 03
things to himself and took down some notes of his own to tell 04
Mr. Kuglar the next time he came up. 05
“Did I do well, Pim?” my sister asked. 06
“Indeed you did,” he told her, smiling at her, and only her, 07
as if he had forgotten that I was even in the room. He kissed 08
the top of her head. “Indeed you did, my little Anna.” 09
10
11
I think of that moment even now, when I think about my 12
father, as I often find myself doing. I have written him a letter 13
in my head many times in the past few years. He is my father, 14
the only piece of my family left, and when I realized he was 15
alive after I discovered my sister’s book, I had the urge to 16
reach across the ocean and pull him back to me. But when 17
ever I sit down and try to write the words I think, I find 18
myself looking through my sister’s book again, and I cannot 19
bring myself to commit a single word to paper. 20
The problem is this: I am not his daughter anymore. I am 21
not even a Jew. And if he were to know I am still here, I would 22
not go back. I could not. I do not want the world to know me, 23
as they know him, and my sister. 24
And also, there is something else. I think of how he looked 25
right past me that morning, just at her and her only. Father 26
and I did not fight. We did not yell. But still, it was so clear to 27
me, even then, how he felt about my sister. S28
N29
01 I am still afraid of many things in my American life, but
02 what I am most afraid of now is how my father might look at
03 me if he were to know what I have done. If he were to know
04 the truth about what happened with the two of us, me and
05 my sister, just before the very end.
06
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09
10
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14
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27
28S
29N
01
02
03
Chapter Thirteen 04
05
06
07
08
09
10
11
12
13
On Thursday morning, Joshua buzzes me into his office 14
and asks me to shut the door behind me. “I want you
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