Read Online MA08 Myth-Nomers and Im-Pervections by Robert Asprin - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Robert Asprin
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“Oh, that’s okay, Skeeve. It’s just that ... ”
“No, I insist. It was rude of me to order without asking if you wanted something to eat, too. It’s just that it would have been awkward trying to order food for someone no one else could see. Understand what I’m trying to say?”
“Of course.”
I seemed to be losing him again.
“It wasn’t that I had forgotten about you, really,” I pressed. “I just thought that as small as you are, you wouldn’t eat much and we could probably share my order. Now I can see that that’s rather demeaning to you, so if you’d like your own order ... ”
“Sharing your meal will be fine. Okay? Can we drop the subject now?”
Whatever was bothering the Djin, my efforts to change his mood were proving woefully inadequate. I debated letting it go for the moment, but decided against it. Letting things go until later was how the situation with Aahz had gotten into its current state.
“Say ... um ... Kalvin?”
“Now what?”
“It’s obvious that I’ve gotten you upset, and my trying to make amends is only making things worse. Now, it wasn’t my intent to slight you in any way, but it seems to have happened anyway. If I can’t make things better, can you at least tell me what it was I did so that I don’t fall into the same trap again?”
“The wine doesn’t help.”
I nodded at Kalvin’s terse response. He was right. The wine was hitting me harder than I had expected, making it difficult to focus on him and what he was saying.
“It doesn’t help ... but that’s not the whole problem,” I said. “All alcohol does is amplify what’s there already. It may make my irritating habits more irritating, but it isn’t causing them.”
“True enough,” he admitted grudgingly.
“So lay it on me,” I urged. “What is it about me that’s so irritating? I try to be a nice guy, but lately it hasn’t been working so well. First with Aahz, and now with you.”
The Djin hesitated before answering.
“I haven’t really known you all that long, Skeeve. Anything I could say would be a snap judgment. So give me a snap judgment. I really want to ... ”
“Your dinner, Sir!”
The Pervect who had first seated me was hovering over my table again, this time with the waiter in tow. That latter notable was staggering under a huge covered platter which had steam rising from it enticingly.
I was desperately interested in hearing what Kalvin had to say, but the sight of the platter reminded me that I was desperately hungry as well. Apparently the Djin sensed my dilemma.
“Go ahead and eat, Skeeve,” he said. “I can hold until you’re done.”
Nodding my thanks, I turned my attention to the waiting Pervect.
“It smells delicious,” I managed, honestly surprised. “What is it?”
“Wan uf ze House Specialties,” he beamed, reaching for the tray cover. “From Klah!”
The tray cover disappeared with a flourish, and I found myself face-to-face with someone else from my home dimension of Klah. Unfortunately, he wasn’t serving the meal ... he was the meal! Roasted, with a dead rat in his mouth as a garnish.
I did the only sane thing that occurred to me.
I fainted.
“SKEEVE!”
The voice seemed to come from far away.
“C’mon, Skeeve! Snap out of it! We’ve got trouble!”
That caught my attention. I couldn’t seem to get oriented, but if there was one thing I didn’t need it was more trouble. More trouble? What ... later! First, deal with whatever’s going on now!
I forced my eyes open.
The scene which greeted me brought a lot of the situation back with a rush. I was in a restaurant ... on the floor, to be specific ... a Pervish waiter was hovering over me ... and so was a policeman!
At first I thought it was the same one we had encountered earlier, but it wasn’t. The similarities were enough that they could have come out of the same litter ... or hatching. They both had the same square jaw, broad shoulders and potbelly, not to
“Oh, that’s okay, Skeeve. It’s just that ... ”
“No, I insist. It was rude of me to order without asking if you wanted something to eat, too. It’s just that it would have been awkward trying to order food for someone no one else could see. Understand what I’m trying to say?”
“Of course.”
I seemed to be losing him again.
“It wasn’t that I had forgotten about you, really,” I pressed. “I just thought that as small as you are, you wouldn’t eat much and we could probably share my order. Now I can see that that’s rather demeaning to you, so if you’d like your own order ... ”
“Sharing your meal will be fine. Okay? Can we drop the subject now?”
Whatever was bothering the Djin, my efforts to change his mood were proving woefully inadequate. I debated letting it go for the moment, but decided against it. Letting things go until later was how the situation with Aahz had gotten into its current state.
“Say ... um ... Kalvin?”
“Now what?”
“It’s obvious that I’ve gotten you upset, and my trying to make amends is only making things worse. Now, it wasn’t my intent to slight you in any way, but it seems to have happened anyway. If I can’t make things better, can you at least tell me what it was I did so that I don’t fall into the same trap again?”
“The wine doesn’t help.”
I nodded at Kalvin’s terse response. He was right. The wine was hitting me harder than I had expected, making it difficult to focus on him and what he was saying.
“It doesn’t help ... but that’s not the whole problem,” I said. “All alcohol does is amplify what’s there already. It may make my irritating habits more irritating, but it isn’t causing them.”
“True enough,” he admitted grudgingly.
“So lay it on me,” I urged. “What is it about me that’s so irritating? I try to be a nice guy, but lately it hasn’t been working so well. First with Aahz, and now with you.”
The Djin hesitated before answering.
“I haven’t really known you all that long, Skeeve. Anything I could say would be a snap judgment. So give me a snap judgment. I really want to ... ”
“Your dinner, Sir!”
The Pervect who had first seated me was hovering over my table again, this time with the waiter in tow. That latter notable was staggering under a huge covered platter which had steam rising from it enticingly.
I was desperately interested in hearing what Kalvin had to say, but the sight of the platter reminded me that I was desperately hungry as well. Apparently the Djin sensed my dilemma.
“Go ahead and eat, Skeeve,” he said. “I can hold until you’re done.”
Nodding my thanks, I turned my attention to the waiting Pervect.
“It smells delicious,” I managed, honestly surprised. “What is it?”
“Wan uf ze House Specialties,” he beamed, reaching for the tray cover. “From Klah!”
The tray cover disappeared with a flourish, and I found myself face-to-face with someone else from my home dimension of Klah. Unfortunately, he wasn’t serving the meal ... he was the meal! Roasted, with a dead rat in his mouth as a garnish.
I did the only sane thing that occurred to me.
I fainted.
“SKEEVE!”
The voice seemed to come from far away.
“C’mon, Skeeve! Snap out of it! We’ve got trouble!”
That caught my attention. I couldn’t seem to get oriented, but if there was one thing I didn’t need it was more trouble. More trouble? What ... later! First, deal with whatever’s going on now!
I forced my eyes open.
The scene which greeted me brought a lot of the situation back with a rush. I was in a restaurant ... on the floor, to be specific ... a Pervish waiter was hovering over me ... and so was a policeman!
At first I thought it was the same one we had encountered earlier, but it wasn’t. The similarities were enough that they could have come out of the same litter ... or hatching. They both had the same square jaw, broad shoulders and potbelly, not to
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