Read Online MA08 Myth-Nomers and Im-Pervections by Robert Asprin - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Robert Asprin
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”
“Ah! ATah-bul for one!”
Actually, I had been preparing to beat a retreat, but this guy wasn’t about to leave me that choice.
Chairs and tables seemed to part in his path as he swept off through the diners like a sailing ship through algae, drawing me along in his wake. Heads turned and murmurs started as we passed. If they were trying to figure out where they had seen me before, it could take a lot of talking.
“I wish I had thought to dress,” I murmured to Kalvin. “This is a pretty classy place. I’m surprised they let me in without a tie.”
The Djin shot me a look.
“I don’t know how to say this, Skeeve, but you are dressed, and you are wearing a tie.”
“Oh! Right.”
I had forgotten I had altered my disguise spell in the taxi. One of the problems with the disguise spell is that I can’t see the results myself. While I’ve gotten to a point where I can maintain the illusion without giving it a lot of conscious thought, it also means I occasionally forget what the appearance I’m maintaining really is.
I plopped down in the chair being held for me, but waved off the offered menu.
“I understand you serve dishes from off-dimension?”
The Pervect gave a little half-bow. “Yas. Ve haff a wide selection for the most discriminating taste.”
I nodded knowingly.
“Then just have the waiter bring me something Klahdish ... and a decent wine to go with it.”
“Very good, Sir.”
He faded discreetly from view, leaving me to study our fellow diners. It was too much to hope that coincidence would lead Aahz to the same dining room, but it didn’t hurt to look.
“You handled that pretty smoothly.”
“What’s that, Kalvin? Oh. The ordering. Thank you.”
“Are you really that confident?”
I glanced around at the nearby tables for eavesdroppers before answering.
“I’m confident that I couldn’t even read the menu,” I said quietly. “Trying to fake it would only have made me look like a bigger fool. I just followed the general rule of ‘When in doubt, rely on the waiter’s judgment.’ It usually works.”
“True enough,” Kalvin conceded. “But the waiter’s not usually Pervish. It’s still braver than I’d feel comfortable with, personally.”
The Djin had a positive talent for making me feel uneasy about decisions that had already been made.
Fortunately, the wine arrived just then. I fidgeted through the tasting ritual, then started in drinking with a vengeance. A combination of nerves and thirst moved me rapidly through the first three glasses with barely a pause for breath.
“You might go a little easy on that stuff until you get some food in you,” Kalvin advised pointedly.
“Not to worry,” I waved. “One thing Aahz always told me ... If you aren’t sure of the food on a dimension, you can always drink your meals.”
“He told you that, huh? What a buddy. Tell me, did it ever work?”
“Howzat?”
“Drinking your meals. Did it ever do you any good, or just land you in a lot of trouble?”
“Oh, we’ve had lots of trouble. Sometime lemme tell you about the time we decided to steal the trophy from the Big Game.”
“You and Aahz?”
“No. Me and ... um ... it was ... ”
For some reason, I was having trouble remembering exactly who had been with me on that particular caper. I decided it might be wisest to get the subject of conversation off me until my meal arrived.
“Whoever. Speaking of bottles, though, how long had you been waiting before I pulled the cork on that one of yours?”
“Oh, not long for a Djin. In fact, I’d say it hadn’t been more than ... ”
“Tananda!”
“Excuse me?”
“It was Tananda who was with me when we tried for the trophy ... the first time, anyway.”
“Oh.”
“Glad that’s off my back. Now, what was it you were saying, Kalvin?”
“Nothing important,” the Djin shrugged.
He seemed a little distracted, but I thought I knew why.
“Kalvin, I’d like to apologize.”
He seemed to relax a
“Ah! ATah-bul for one!”
Actually, I had been preparing to beat a retreat, but this guy wasn’t about to leave me that choice.
Chairs and tables seemed to part in his path as he swept off through the diners like a sailing ship through algae, drawing me along in his wake. Heads turned and murmurs started as we passed. If they were trying to figure out where they had seen me before, it could take a lot of talking.
“I wish I had thought to dress,” I murmured to Kalvin. “This is a pretty classy place. I’m surprised they let me in without a tie.”
The Djin shot me a look.
“I don’t know how to say this, Skeeve, but you are dressed, and you are wearing a tie.”
“Oh! Right.”
I had forgotten I had altered my disguise spell in the taxi. One of the problems with the disguise spell is that I can’t see the results myself. While I’ve gotten to a point where I can maintain the illusion without giving it a lot of conscious thought, it also means I occasionally forget what the appearance I’m maintaining really is.
I plopped down in the chair being held for me, but waved off the offered menu.
“I understand you serve dishes from off-dimension?”
The Pervect gave a little half-bow. “Yas. Ve haff a wide selection for the most discriminating taste.”
I nodded knowingly.
“Then just have the waiter bring me something Klahdish ... and a decent wine to go with it.”
“Very good, Sir.”
He faded discreetly from view, leaving me to study our fellow diners. It was too much to hope that coincidence would lead Aahz to the same dining room, but it didn’t hurt to look.
“You handled that pretty smoothly.”
“What’s that, Kalvin? Oh. The ordering. Thank you.”
“Are you really that confident?”
I glanced around at the nearby tables for eavesdroppers before answering.
“I’m confident that I couldn’t even read the menu,” I said quietly. “Trying to fake it would only have made me look like a bigger fool. I just followed the general rule of ‘When in doubt, rely on the waiter’s judgment.’ It usually works.”
“True enough,” Kalvin conceded. “But the waiter’s not usually Pervish. It’s still braver than I’d feel comfortable with, personally.”
The Djin had a positive talent for making me feel uneasy about decisions that had already been made.
Fortunately, the wine arrived just then. I fidgeted through the tasting ritual, then started in drinking with a vengeance. A combination of nerves and thirst moved me rapidly through the first three glasses with barely a pause for breath.
“You might go a little easy on that stuff until you get some food in you,” Kalvin advised pointedly.
“Not to worry,” I waved. “One thing Aahz always told me ... If you aren’t sure of the food on a dimension, you can always drink your meals.”
“He told you that, huh? What a buddy. Tell me, did it ever work?”
“Howzat?”
“Drinking your meals. Did it ever do you any good, or just land you in a lot of trouble?”
“Oh, we’ve had lots of trouble. Sometime lemme tell you about the time we decided to steal the trophy from the Big Game.”
“You and Aahz?”
“No. Me and ... um ... it was ... ”
For some reason, I was having trouble remembering exactly who had been with me on that particular caper. I decided it might be wisest to get the subject of conversation off me until my meal arrived.
“Whoever. Speaking of bottles, though, how long had you been waiting before I pulled the cork on that one of yours?”
“Oh, not long for a Djin. In fact, I’d say it hadn’t been more than ... ”
“Tananda!”
“Excuse me?”
“It was Tananda who was with me when we tried for the trophy ... the first time, anyway.”
“Oh.”
“Glad that’s off my back. Now, what was it you were saying, Kalvin?”
“Nothing important,” the Djin shrugged.
He seemed a little distracted, but I thought I knew why.
“Kalvin, I’d like to apologize.”
He seemed to relax a
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