Read Online Loyalties by Rachel Haimowitz, Heidi Belleau - Free Book Online

look on Nikolai’s face, it was pretty clear he thought Dougie was overstepping, too. “Need me to prove it? Guide you? Show you?”
    Yes. Yes, God yes, please. Please, Master, yes.
    Nikolai very deliberately turned his face away from Dougie and buried it in Roger’s neck. Dougie felt his heart sink clear to his toes at that, couldn’t even breathe for a moment. “No. I’ve had enough of you now, and you’ve served your purpose. Back downstairs with you, and find Jeremy. Make yourself useful.”
    “Sir—”
    “ Dismissed , Douglas.”
    Somehow, Dougie managed to choke out a “Yes, sir, I’m sorry, sir,” and back himself out the bedroom door, though he felt so numb with disappointment and dread and sadness and fear and a million other things that he couldn’t feel his hands or feet.
    He was halfway down the stairs, completely unaware of how he’d gotten there, before logic started crowding its way back into his head around the riot of emotion. There had to be a reason for Nikolai’s refusal to help him. Nikolai had never refused to help him before. And Nikolai didn’t make mistakes, at least not with things like this. Which meant Nikolai had a plan, knew exactly what he was doing, and it was Dougie who was wrong somehow. Or maybe Nikolai cared about him too much to beat him for no reason, trusted him enough to believe—no, to know —that when the time came for Dougie to take a random beating, he’d take it with pride and grace. Nikolai trusted him; he just needed to trust Nikolai in return.
    Except, this time, he really wasn’t sure he could.
    Fake it ’til you make it, Dougie.
    Yeah, okay. He could do that. Walk down the stairs and into the kitchen and take orders from Jeremy, and with any luck, get lost in some endless series of mindless chores that would let him take his mind off punishments and random violence and disappointing masters and being afraid and that cool, hard look in Nikolai’s eyes when he’d said I’ve had enough of you.
    He didn’t mean that, not really. Couldn’t have meant that. Enough of me for today , maybe, but . . . not . . . not forever , right?
    Right?
    Great, now he was crying. He didn’t want to cry in front of Jeremy.
    Too late, he was already in the kitchen. Jeremy gave him a quirked eyebrow and a cruel sneer. “Learn your place in the world, new favorite? You’ll get used to licking Roger’s ass eventually.” He pointed at the sink. “Dishes.”
    Dougie went to them, shocked at the huge stack that had swallowed up the entire counter.
    “Got a lot of guys to feed. Guards. Staff. Others like us. Your fucking brother with his ten-page list of nutritional requirements.”
    Dougie nudged the tap with his wrist to get hot water going and hit the automatic soap dispenser. “Others like us.” He’d never seen anyone else around the house. Not even guards, not since he’d been brought here. “How many?” He didn’t know why he was making small talk with Jeremy, seeing as Jeremy was a fucking asshole and he was still on the verge of tears, but then, maybe that was exactly why. He could trust Jeremy not to mince words.
    Jeremy shrugged, whisking at something in a big mixing bowl. “Maybe a dozen buybacks. He picks up one a year or so, his old favorites, when their masters get tired of them. Most of them work the grounds, don’t stay in the house. Master’s got over a thousand acres to maintain, after all, even if most of it’s forest.” He put down the bowl, grabbed a smaller one with dry ingredients and started folding them together, one eyebrow raised at Dougie. Dougie took the hint and grabbed a pot to scrub. “But there’s me in here, of course. And Tim, who cleans the place, though the guy’s like a fucking ghost. And Roger. Roger was the first, you know. First one Sir ever trained without Master Edgar’s help, that’s why he’s so fucking spoiled. Not that I’m jealous of him today, though.” A low whistle. No mistaking what that was about. The