and his voice takes on that extra-growly texture to it.
“Cool your jets, sweetheart. Roy is like a brother to me and gay—very happily gay.”
“Dani’s brother?”
“He’s not actually. We met him in Maryland and just clicked, though he and Dani have always been super close. When things got really bad Dani had nowhere else to go, she called me and Roy arranged to go get her. He was dating a man who could help her start a new life. With his help, Melinda died and Danielle Grant was born.”
Dragon had shifted where he was on his side while we talked. When I finished he rolled over on his back and stared up at the ceiling. I lie there, not talking. Even remembering this story, totally glossing over the ugliness, exhausts me. I’ve told Dragon, but he has no idea, really. He couldn’t. Dragon isn’t a man who would ever hurt a woman—let alone hurt her in ways she’d never recover from and take joy from it.
“This is a fucked up mess, Mama.”
“Yeah.”
“You should have come to me. You should have trusted me with this so I could protect you and Dani.”
His words hurt, I knew, of course, how he’d feel, but hearing it spoken out-loud and in his voice, a voice I love, wounds me . I shift to my side and prop my head on my arm. I would have liked to roll over on top of him, but our child prevents me. Instead, I take my free hand and exert enough pressure on the side of his face that he turns and looks at me. My thumb grazes over his strong chin. I try to will everything I feel for this man into my eyes. I want him to see how much I truly love him. I know I’ve done damage by keeping Dani’s secrets, but it’s important he sees it has hurt me too.
“Dragon, I love Dani. Until you and your club, she was the only family I ever had. I kept her secrets out of loyalty, because she asked me.”
“Nicole…”
“But even after I agreed to keep them Dragon, I was still planning on telling you. I just couldn’t right away. Dani has had so much betrayal. If I had betrayed her, I don’t think she would have survived.”
“Damn it. Mama, I can’t keep you safe if you don’t tell me. I can’t keep her safe! Nicole, she’s out there alone with no protection. That is not alright. You needed to let me in and trust that I can handle this shit.”
“I do! It’s not about if I trusted you. It never was! Dani didn’t want you involved. She didn’t want the club involved. You keep preaching, club business is club business. How you need to keep me safe. You should understand more than anyone that Dani felt this was her business, and she wanted to try and keep us all safe.”
“Running away won’t do it though. This psycho won’t stop until he has Dani, and now that he knows she’s been alive all this time and living off his money? He’ll want revenge and he’ll want it ugly.”
My stomach clenches and this sick feeling explodes inside of me. Realistically, he’s only telling me the truth, but I was trying to pretend differently.
“Maybe Dani’s right and now that she’s left, he’ll give up. Maybe he’ll grow tired when he can’t find her.”
“No, he’ll find her and he’ll use any means to achieve that.”
“What do we do?’ I whisper, because I know I was stupidly convincing myself that Dani was right. Hearing Dragon and the certainty in his voice, I’m terrified.
“Call your girl and get her to come home.”
“I can’t.”
“Why can’t you…”
“She said it was safer if I didn’t know anything. She’s going to contact me once she gets settled, through a prepaid phone she purchased when we were in town for the fitting. There’s nothing I can do until then.”
Dragon sighs, turning his head away from me and stares back at the ceiling.
“Then we wait, Mama. It’s all we can do.” The words echo into the heavy silence that has filled the room. They do nothing to assuage the fear that has taken root inside of me and the dark truth that echoes in my mind. By trying
“Cool your jets, sweetheart. Roy is like a brother to me and gay—very happily gay.”
“Dani’s brother?”
“He’s not actually. We met him in Maryland and just clicked, though he and Dani have always been super close. When things got really bad Dani had nowhere else to go, she called me and Roy arranged to go get her. He was dating a man who could help her start a new life. With his help, Melinda died and Danielle Grant was born.”
Dragon had shifted where he was on his side while we talked. When I finished he rolled over on his back and stared up at the ceiling. I lie there, not talking. Even remembering this story, totally glossing over the ugliness, exhausts me. I’ve told Dragon, but he has no idea, really. He couldn’t. Dragon isn’t a man who would ever hurt a woman—let alone hurt her in ways she’d never recover from and take joy from it.
“This is a fucked up mess, Mama.”
“Yeah.”
“You should have come to me. You should have trusted me with this so I could protect you and Dani.”
His words hurt, I knew, of course, how he’d feel, but hearing it spoken out-loud and in his voice, a voice I love, wounds me . I shift to my side and prop my head on my arm. I would have liked to roll over on top of him, but our child prevents me. Instead, I take my free hand and exert enough pressure on the side of his face that he turns and looks at me. My thumb grazes over his strong chin. I try to will everything I feel for this man into my eyes. I want him to see how much I truly love him. I know I’ve done damage by keeping Dani’s secrets, but it’s important he sees it has hurt me too.
“Dragon, I love Dani. Until you and your club, she was the only family I ever had. I kept her secrets out of loyalty, because she asked me.”
“Nicole…”
“But even after I agreed to keep them Dragon, I was still planning on telling you. I just couldn’t right away. Dani has had so much betrayal. If I had betrayed her, I don’t think she would have survived.”
“Damn it. Mama, I can’t keep you safe if you don’t tell me. I can’t keep her safe! Nicole, she’s out there alone with no protection. That is not alright. You needed to let me in and trust that I can handle this shit.”
“I do! It’s not about if I trusted you. It never was! Dani didn’t want you involved. She didn’t want the club involved. You keep preaching, club business is club business. How you need to keep me safe. You should understand more than anyone that Dani felt this was her business, and she wanted to try and keep us all safe.”
“Running away won’t do it though. This psycho won’t stop until he has Dani, and now that he knows she’s been alive all this time and living off his money? He’ll want revenge and he’ll want it ugly.”
My stomach clenches and this sick feeling explodes inside of me. Realistically, he’s only telling me the truth, but I was trying to pretend differently.
“Maybe Dani’s right and now that she’s left, he’ll give up. Maybe he’ll grow tired when he can’t find her.”
“No, he’ll find her and he’ll use any means to achieve that.”
“What do we do?’ I whisper, because I know I was stupidly convincing myself that Dani was right. Hearing Dragon and the certainty in his voice, I’m terrified.
“Call your girl and get her to come home.”
“I can’t.”
“Why can’t you…”
“She said it was safer if I didn’t know anything. She’s going to contact me once she gets settled, through a prepaid phone she purchased when we were in town for the fitting. There’s nothing I can do until then.”
Dragon sighs, turning his head away from me and stares back at the ceiling.
“Then we wait, Mama. It’s all we can do.” The words echo into the heavy silence that has filled the room. They do nothing to assuage the fear that has taken root inside of me and the dark truth that echoes in my mind. By trying
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