the journey with you!”
“Shelly, why in the hell do you always have to talk that bereavement shit? Please!” I screamed exasperated. She always got me with that. I hated to even think about life without Michelle, let alone her dying. With that, I ended the conversation as I drove off. I had crazy errands to run to get ready for my date with Azmir.
At dinner that following week and the night before I was due to leave for the Bahamas, Azmir and I enjoyed a wonderful meal at Crustaceans. I love d their crab puffs and garlic noodles. The wine was superb, the conversation flowed well and the ambiance was ever so present. The restaurant is known for its French-Colonial décor, floor-level pond and aquarium that leads from the cocktail area into the main dining area.
Azmir let hair grow on his face just the way I liked — no, actually loved! Tonight his goatee is ferine, I loved seeing his dark facial hair against his smooth chocolate skin. Damn! This man knew what he was doing. He donned a simple black YSL T-shirt with black denim jeans and his black classic Jordan’s. Delectable . But our conversation took a left turn for deep this particular evening.
“ You’re so intense. It intimidates me,” I blurted out.
His eyes flew up to meet mine, widened in wonder. I could even see his spine level and his head straightened. I can’t say from where the nerve derived, but it spilled out. My heartbeat tripled after the words flowed from my mouth. But it was my truth, something I’d been suppressing for months now. He was always reserved and perched with an eagle eye. I wanted to know what he was thinking at times, though I could never muster the balls to ask.
“I never endeavor to intimidate you. ” There was a slight pause. “I mean, I know I have the tendency, but it isn’t a tactic I employ with you,” Azmir muttered.
My mouth dried and my eyes danced around the room to avoid his searing gaze. I wanted to say so much but was afraid to fully express myself.
“So you are aware that you do it to others?”
“Yes. I’ve been made aware in senior staff development trainings. It’s where my subordinates can be totally honest about my governing in hopes of strengthening our team. In all honesty , I was aware of my aggressiveness prior to the trainings, it’s a mechanism that was needed in my management days way before I entered the corporate arena. But here with you, it’s not something I want. It would be counterintuitive.”
To what? There was an uncomfortable pause. One that he knew he had to fill. And he did.
“Look , Brimm. I may not be the easiest to gauge but I’m certainly not aiming to be an anomaly with you. If you feel uneasy or question something where we’re concerned I need you to address it.” His eyebrows knitted as he gathered his thoughts. “Relationships aren’t my thing. I’m no good at them. People may be surprised considering my last one, but that one functioned with so many complexities that when it ended it came with no regrets on my part.”
His head went down to his plate playing with his food. I could tell he was mentally constrained, something that I was all too familiar with. It surprised the hell out of me that I felt the sudden urge to throw him a bone. Who in the hell was I to give him a hand with expressing his feelings when I sure as hell didn’t have a grip on mine ? But I wanted to assist.
“Azmir, you’ve confided in me how you’ve been unable to open up to women completely because the one woman you truly loved and trusted abandoned you. Now, I know you’ve said that, logically, you get how your mom is different from women you date but we both know that she’s representative of all women for you. The way that you perceive her will fashion how you receive women. Many people are faced with that same problem…men and women alike ,” I said confidently.
“Does that apply to your view on men?” Azmir asked with such sincerity in his eyes.
You have to
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