Read Online Love Is a Secret by Sophie King - Free Book Online Page B

‘Caroline, you could never be that. Would you like the cloakroom first?’
    ‘I’m fine, thanks.’
    ‘Marvellous. I’ve booked a table. Let’s go, shall we?’
    Caroline allowed Jeff to tuck into his steak-and-kidney before she let him steer her into serious conversation.
    ‘OK, so you’ve brought me up to date with Annabel and that lazy godson of mine. Post A-level stress is a great idea and I wish I’d thought of it. But what about you, Caro? You sounded so upset on the phone last week. Something hasn’t happened, has it?’
    ‘He hasn’t gone back to seeing her, if that’s what you mean. At least, I don’t think so.’ She toyed with her salad Niçoise. Wordlessly, Jeff topped up her sparkling water. ‘Thanks. Sorry. That’s better. No, it’s almost silly, really.’
    Succinctly, she filled him in on her editor’s brief. ‘Interviewing women who have “got over it” will make it all come back. For two years now I’ve tried to block it out, or I couldn’t cope. I’m also worried that she is going to read it – we’re one of the top women’s monthlies, you know – and then she might get in touch with him, if she hasn’t already and . . . oh, God, Jeff, I don’t know what to do.’
    Jeff dabbed his mouth with the dark blue linen napkin. ‘You might find that interviewing women in your situation is cathartic.’
    ‘If they exist,’ said Caroline, grimly. ‘One of the girls in the office said that no self-respecting woman would take her husband back. So I must be incredibly weak.’
    Jeff reached for her hand and squeezed it. ‘No,’ he said. ‘You’re incredibly strong. You held the family together at a time when it had to be held together. Annabel was mid A level, Ben was doing GCSEs and Georgie was too young to have an absent father.’
    Caroline felt tears welling again. ‘I know, but I hate saying I can’t do something. I remember at school when they said how difficult it was to be a journalist and in many ways that was what drove me to do it. Now I can’t help feeling I’ve bitten off more than I can chew. I’m not sure it’s possible for a marriage to survive after this kind of thing.’
    ‘People of our parents’ generation did it all the time,’ he said reflectively. ‘My aunt had several affairs. She used to boast it kept her marriage going.’
    ‘But our generation’s different. Sometimes I think we’re more moral because we won’t tolerate affairs like our parents did.’
    Jeff nodded. ‘I have to say that I’d find it hard. But so does Roger.’
    ‘Do you talk about it?’
    He hesitated. ‘Occasionally. The other month, he said it was as though he was carrying a cross every day of his life because he hated himself so much for having hurt you.’
    She hadn’t known that. ‘Then why doesn’t he tell me? He’s so polite all the time and when we . . . when we make love, it’s so stilted.’
    He stared at his plate, plainly embarrassed. ‘But you’ve got to forgive him. Think of the children.’
    Panic rose inside Caroline. ‘It’s not as simple as forgiveness. It’s trying to get back to what we had before that’s difficult. It’s like carrying an invisible scar.’
    He glanced at his watch again. ‘I know women are meant to feel these things more keenly but can’t you try a bit longer? Look, I’m sorry but I’ve got to go.’
    She’d made him uncomfortable, saying so much. ‘Me too.’ She tried to sound light. ‘Otherwise I’ll have to stay late in the office and won’t be back for Georgie.’
    He grinned, clearly glad to be back on safe ground. ‘And even though she’s got a key of her own, she’ll either have lost it or go straight in to watch television instead of doing her homework.’
    Caroline smiled. ‘You know my lot too well.’
    ‘I hope I’ve helped,’ he said, hesitantly.
    ‘Yes, you have,’ she lied. ‘Thanks.’
    They brushed cheeks; his was stubbly against hers.
    ‘I just want the old Roger back.’ She looked up