awake had not reached France – yet another good reason to move there.
But I left the promised land with a heavy heart the following morning since there had been no call from the agent. As we boarded the plane, I wondered if I would ever walk through the vineyards at Sainte Claire again. Not only could I see myself being happy there – I couldn’t see myself being happy anywhere else.
Rule 5
It is better to be unfaithful than to be faithful without wanting to be â Brigitte Bardot
The French Art of Having Affairs
âMummy, whereâs Daddy?â There is a voice coming from somewhere asking a question I cannot answer. I know I need to react but I canât seem to open my eyes.
âMummy, Eddie took my fairy dress and says he is going to wear it to his first day at school,â another voice joins it. âTell him he canât; heâs a boy, and anyway itâs my dress.â
âYou wear my flip-flop tops.â The first voice is back. Iâm longing to see whatâs going on and to know what a flip-flop top is.
âYour flip-flops stupid, theyâre called flip-flops,â says the disgruntled owner of the fairy dress.
Why canât I open my eyes? It feels like something dark is forcing them closed. Have I gone blind overnight? Is it possible to lose both oneâs husband and oneâs eyesight in a few short hours? Has God blinded me for visualising my husbandâs mistress being publicly exposed as a home-breaker and having her head shaved by booing crowds in the Place du 14 Juillet as I am awarded the Légion dâHonneur for services to the French wine industry?
âMummy, wake up and listen,â bellows a third voice. âYou have to get up, itâs morning time. Itâs light outside. Weâre supposed to be starting school today.â
I sit up, feeling dazed and disorientated.
âMummy, why are you wearing a scarf around your eyes?â asks one of my children.
Of course, the reason I canât open my eyes is that I have a lavender-scented bean-bag tied over them with a leopard-print scarf. I couldnât sleep because of the bright moonlight forcing its way into the bedroom through the rickety old shutters. Or was it more to do with the fact that my husband of ten years and the father of the three little people currently clambering on top of me admitted to an affair last night with a French woman called Cécile?
I unwind the leopard-print scarf and bean-bag from around my head.
âMummy, you donât look very good,â says Emily, head to one side, before putting her thumb in her mouth. I almost burst into tears at the sight of the three of them, all in their pyjamas, beautiful with blond tousled early-morning hair, looking up at me expectantly. Emily already has her catâs ears on. She was given them for Christmas a year ago and never goes anywhere without them. I have got so used to seeing them they almost seem to be a part of her, but I wonder what the French will make of her eccentricity.
âThatâs not very nice,â says Charlotte, adding with the brutal honesty of a child, âbut it is true.â
âMummy looks like a fairy,â says Edward, climbing closer to give me a hug. I clasp him to me greedily. Obviously this morning I am more vulnerable than most mornings, but poor Edwardâs first words were âdet awayâ because I have always smothered him with hugs and kisses.
âI look like a fairy too,â he continues, wriggling free from my arms. âWhereâs Daddy?â he adds, looking around the room while doing an unsteady twirl on the bed to show me the fairy dress at its best. I wonder for a brief moment if I can pretend their father is hiding to avoid telling them the truth. But they would soon run out of places to look in our bedroom-cum -open-plan bathroom.
âEdward,â I say looking at him and stroking his blond hair. I am about to utter my first
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