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Authors: Emerson Eggerichs
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serve, but they are also willing to die in combat. There is something in many men, placed there by God, to fight and die for honor, to fight and die for women, children, and their buddies. When I attended Wheaton College, the chaplain there was Jim Hutchens, who had also been a chaplain in the Vietnam War. Jim told me that the Vietcong would wound an American soldier, knowing his buddies would seek to rescue him. Vietcong snipers would then seek to kill those who came out to try to drag the wounded man back to safety. He would often hear the heart cry of a GI: “I have to go.
A husband is geared to hear the command, “Take courage . . . be men and fight” (1 Samuel 4:9).
I have to help Joe. I can’t leave him there. I’ve got to go. He’s my friend.” Honor and love compelled the American GI in Vietnam as it has down through every war in history. One husband wrote to me:
I have been in the Air Guard for fourteen years with an additional six years of active duty. During your conference you made many references about men willing to die for their spouses or their nation. This certainly made an impression upon both of us. (My wife has always seen military service as equating to war and death. I see it as honor and duty.) I am committed not only to my country, but to the men I serve with. Only men who serve in such a capacity (military, firefighters, police officers) can understand the bonds that are formed and the loyalty you feel to one another.
I am sure this man is not trying to discount the women who serve honorably in various capacities in the military, as well as in firefighting and police work. But I believe he is trying to state a deep truth that is true of most men. I have counseled enough husbands to know the same kind of honor and loyalty that drives the military man is also in action in his home. Unfortunately, there are voices in our culture that have been saying, “Don’t show respect to men; they don’t deserve it. They’ll treat you in a subservient way, or they’ll abuse you and even kill you.” This is true of a certain number of men, but I believe it is a lie concerning the vast majority. A man who has basic goodwill will serve his wife and even die for her. There is no expectation of the wife to die for her husband.
Of course, there are wives who might push the point a bit. You may have heard the story about the woman who told her husband, “Oh, Harry, you keep saying you’d die for me, but you never do!” That’s just a story, of course, designed to get a smile or a laugh, but it isn’t funny when men who are willing to die for their wives are treated with contempt and no respect. One woman wrote to me to confess:
Although a Bible student for most of my life, and a very spiritual person, I had given up, but then I read your statement that says: “Though there is more to love than dying for someone, it is a sad day when a man knows that he’d die for his wife because he loves her, yet he hears her continually complain, [‘You don’t love me.’]” The truth hit me powerfully in my spirit like no other thing has hit me concerning our marriage. I felt the kind of shame one feels when she knows she has done terribly wrong, and she knows not to even ask for forgiveness, and she knows that this one will take a long time to heal, but she knows this is one thing she won’t do again.
This lady “gets it.”
HUSBANDS ARE TO VALUE WIVES AS EQUALS
Paul’s writings clearly command men to agape -love their wives (see Ephesians 5:22–33), but is there any place in Scripture where men are instructed to respect their wives as well? After teaching wives to behave respectfully before their husbands (see 1 Peter 3:1–2), Peter goes on to tell husbands to live in an understanding way with their wives “and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life” (1 Peter 3:7). When Peter uses the phrase “show her honor as a fellow heir,” he is telling husbands to value and prize their wives
A husband is geared to hear the command, “Take courage . . . be men and fight” (1 Samuel 4:9).
I have to help Joe. I can’t leave him there. I’ve got to go. He’s my friend.” Honor and love compelled the American GI in Vietnam as it has down through every war in history. One husband wrote to me:
I have been in the Air Guard for fourteen years with an additional six years of active duty. During your conference you made many references about men willing to die for their spouses or their nation. This certainly made an impression upon both of us. (My wife has always seen military service as equating to war and death. I see it as honor and duty.) I am committed not only to my country, but to the men I serve with. Only men who serve in such a capacity (military, firefighters, police officers) can understand the bonds that are formed and the loyalty you feel to one another.
I am sure this man is not trying to discount the women who serve honorably in various capacities in the military, as well as in firefighting and police work. But I believe he is trying to state a deep truth that is true of most men. I have counseled enough husbands to know the same kind of honor and loyalty that drives the military man is also in action in his home. Unfortunately, there are voices in our culture that have been saying, “Don’t show respect to men; they don’t deserve it. They’ll treat you in a subservient way, or they’ll abuse you and even kill you.” This is true of a certain number of men, but I believe it is a lie concerning the vast majority. A man who has basic goodwill will serve his wife and even die for her. There is no expectation of the wife to die for her husband.
Of course, there are wives who might push the point a bit. You may have heard the story about the woman who told her husband, “Oh, Harry, you keep saying you’d die for me, but you never do!” That’s just a story, of course, designed to get a smile or a laugh, but it isn’t funny when men who are willing to die for their wives are treated with contempt and no respect. One woman wrote to me to confess:
Although a Bible student for most of my life, and a very spiritual person, I had given up, but then I read your statement that says: “Though there is more to love than dying for someone, it is a sad day when a man knows that he’d die for his wife because he loves her, yet he hears her continually complain, [‘You don’t love me.’]” The truth hit me powerfully in my spirit like no other thing has hit me concerning our marriage. I felt the kind of shame one feels when she knows she has done terribly wrong, and she knows not to even ask for forgiveness, and she knows that this one will take a long time to heal, but she knows this is one thing she won’t do again.
This lady “gets it.”
HUSBANDS ARE TO VALUE WIVES AS EQUALS
Paul’s writings clearly command men to agape -love their wives (see Ephesians 5:22–33), but is there any place in Scripture where men are instructed to respect their wives as well? After teaching wives to behave respectfully before their husbands (see 1 Peter 3:1–2), Peter goes on to tell husbands to live in an understanding way with their wives “and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life” (1 Peter 3:7). When Peter uses the phrase “show her honor as a fellow heir,” he is telling husbands to value and prize their wives
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