Read Online Lost Heartbeats (Alexander & Maya Book 2) by Ella Maise - Free Book Online
Authors: Ella Maise
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her. We even named him together: Lucas. He was like my own son, Maya. I didn’t care who’d fathered him, he was everything. The most thoughtful and smart kid you could ever meet. He was perfect. Then his heart problems became worse. Congenital heart disease . ”
His voice was nothing more than a whisper, his pain radiating through his words. I untangled my hand from his and turned my body, hiding my face under his chin. In a heartbeat, his arms were around me, crushing me to himself. I doubted he was even aware of his strong hold.
“I did everything in my power, Maya. Everything I could possibly do. I spent all the money that was needed. I found the best doctors. Yet in the end, none of it mattered. I was powerless.”
He left a gentle kiss on my forehead, his pain bleeding into my skin through his lips.
“He was such a happy kid. Always smiling, always keeping his spirits up. Seeing him like that crushed me even more. Lying to him, knowing there was nothing we could do other than hope for the best. Hell, he spent almost all of his life in and out of hospitals.”
I had nothing to say, nothing that would change what he’d had to go through, so I kept my mouth shut, closed my eyes, and listened.
“I…I can’t even talk about our last days, but I know you get how it was. You went through the same thing with your father. You know how soul-crushing it is to feel that useless.”
“I know,” I whispered as a single tear dropped onto his skin.
He shifted.
“Give me your eyes. I want to see your eyes.”
Tilting my head back, I gave him what he wanted, and he gave me a long look as we gazed into each other’s souls, his eyes full of pain and unshed tears. When his palm covered my cheek, I closed my eyes and more tears trailed down my face.
“It never goes away, does it?” he asked. “You can never fill that emptiness.”
“It becomes your constant,” I admitted.
“I guess we can’t strip away the pain and just keep the good memories, can we? There is no going back.”
“After some time, the grief just becomes one with you, a part of yourself you have no choice but to keep with you until the day you die. Then in time instead of pain it will make you happy to think of him.”
“Thank you,” he said and brushed a small kiss on my lips.
I was practically laying on top of him when I caught the sweet scent of pear mixing with his own. I loved that he had been naked in my shower, using my body wash. He was in my little world now.
Holding me.
Needing me .
“For what?” I asked after a long silence.
“For not having someone in your life that would complicate things for me. For not sending me away. For letting me have you. You have no idea what a relief it was to see—to feel that I still had you.”
I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t do anything other than look into his eyes and try to understand what exactly I was to him.
Before I could come to a conclusion, he reached to his left and turned off the light, letting the darkness fall upon us.
“I’m so tired,” he sighed.
I didn’t respond. I was happy exactly where I was.
He curled into me again, this time the arms around me a tighter band, keeping me close to his body. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
“Can I stay with you for a few days, Maya?”
I swallowed, trying to get rid of the thick lump that appeared as soon as I heard the words ‘a few days’ spilling in a hushed whisper from his lips.
Slowly, the tension in his body melted away, and I heard his breath even out. I knew he’d fallen asleep. After hearing everything he’d been through in the last few days, not knowing what my reaction would be to seeing him here must have only added to his worries.
Could I even blame him?
Just a few months before, I’d been the one breaking apart in his arms as he tried to keep my heart in one piece. I owed him everything for that.
Trying not to move too much and wake him up, I looked up at his face from where I lay half over him.
His voice was nothing more than a whisper, his pain radiating through his words. I untangled my hand from his and turned my body, hiding my face under his chin. In a heartbeat, his arms were around me, crushing me to himself. I doubted he was even aware of his strong hold.
“I did everything in my power, Maya. Everything I could possibly do. I spent all the money that was needed. I found the best doctors. Yet in the end, none of it mattered. I was powerless.”
He left a gentle kiss on my forehead, his pain bleeding into my skin through his lips.
“He was such a happy kid. Always smiling, always keeping his spirits up. Seeing him like that crushed me even more. Lying to him, knowing there was nothing we could do other than hope for the best. Hell, he spent almost all of his life in and out of hospitals.”
I had nothing to say, nothing that would change what he’d had to go through, so I kept my mouth shut, closed my eyes, and listened.
“I…I can’t even talk about our last days, but I know you get how it was. You went through the same thing with your father. You know how soul-crushing it is to feel that useless.”
“I know,” I whispered as a single tear dropped onto his skin.
He shifted.
“Give me your eyes. I want to see your eyes.”
Tilting my head back, I gave him what he wanted, and he gave me a long look as we gazed into each other’s souls, his eyes full of pain and unshed tears. When his palm covered my cheek, I closed my eyes and more tears trailed down my face.
“It never goes away, does it?” he asked. “You can never fill that emptiness.”
“It becomes your constant,” I admitted.
“I guess we can’t strip away the pain and just keep the good memories, can we? There is no going back.”
“After some time, the grief just becomes one with you, a part of yourself you have no choice but to keep with you until the day you die. Then in time instead of pain it will make you happy to think of him.”
“Thank you,” he said and brushed a small kiss on my lips.
I was practically laying on top of him when I caught the sweet scent of pear mixing with his own. I loved that he had been naked in my shower, using my body wash. He was in my little world now.
Holding me.
Needing me .
“For what?” I asked after a long silence.
“For not having someone in your life that would complicate things for me. For not sending me away. For letting me have you. You have no idea what a relief it was to see—to feel that I still had you.”
I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t do anything other than look into his eyes and try to understand what exactly I was to him.
Before I could come to a conclusion, he reached to his left and turned off the light, letting the darkness fall upon us.
“I’m so tired,” he sighed.
I didn’t respond. I was happy exactly where I was.
He curled into me again, this time the arms around me a tighter band, keeping me close to his body. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
“Can I stay with you for a few days, Maya?”
I swallowed, trying to get rid of the thick lump that appeared as soon as I heard the words ‘a few days’ spilling in a hushed whisper from his lips.
Slowly, the tension in his body melted away, and I heard his breath even out. I knew he’d fallen asleep. After hearing everything he’d been through in the last few days, not knowing what my reaction would be to seeing him here must have only added to his worries.
Could I even blame him?
Just a few months before, I’d been the one breaking apart in his arms as he tried to keep my heart in one piece. I owed him everything for that.
Trying not to move too much and wake him up, I looked up at his face from where I lay half over him.
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