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Authors: Mariah Dietz
Tags: Romance
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delivered, accompanied by sympathetic smiles and waves. People offer to help in any way possible and inquire about how the family is doing. I can barely reply. I don’t know how the family is doing. All I know is something’s wrong, and I don’t know how to fix it or if I can.
The day is so long it feels as though four have been strung together. Many of the girls spend the day crying, huddled together in pairs of blond heads. Muriel maintains the same odd matter-of-fact aura about her that doesn’t seem fitting for her or the family as she wanders around, gathering things together, and calling people to schedule appointments.
Ace just seems distant and detached from everything. She cries a few different times, but never goes to anyone. Though, each time a matching blond head quickly seeks her out.
When night finally arrives, I’m not sure what to do. I want to be here for her, but I also don’t want to force anything on her. I recall my grandma telling me soon after my dad left that we all must deal with pain and loss, and that we each handle it differently, but we all experience it. I don’t want her to experience this alone.
Savannah and Caulder leave first after their babysitter calls. Mindi and Kyle aren’t far behind. Before they leave, each of them goes around holding one another for a prolonged moment, not speaking, just holding. Ace looks miserable. Progressively throughout the day, she’s become more and more reluctant to allow others to touch her, and by the time Kyle pulls away, I can sense that she’s reached her maximum allowance. Apparently Kyle does too because when he comes over to me, he places a hand on my shoulder and squeezes as if to silently wish me luck.
Adam is with Jenny and Lilly, watching a Disney movie in the den, and Jameson has already gone to Kendall’s room. Muriel seems to understand that the ‘no boys’ rule doesn’t apply after such a devastating event.
“We should let them get some rest. Why don’t we go next door, and we can come back tomorrow?” my mom suggests to our friends that have stayed to endure this hellish day.
“I want to help,” Abby says through fresh tears as Jesse pulls her closer to his side.
“You are, sweetheart, just by being here, you’re helping an insurmountable amount. But they need to rest,” my mom explains. She’s using her doctor’s voice. I know she’s had to deliver too many messages of bad news to families over the years and can see the pain of this loss on every inch of her, from her eyes that have remained laden with tears all day, to the deep frown that mars her brow and mouth, to her steady hands that never shake, which are now trembling.
“I’m going to stay.” My mom looks at me a moment and then nods. I don’t know what her expression silently tells me before she turns to leave. It was too brief and so many emotions were present, a single one was difficult to distinguish.
I head over to where Ace sits outside on the patio and place a hand on her knee as I kneel beside her. “I’m going to go get some sweats. I’ll be right back. Do you need anything?”
She shakes her head, refusing to look at me. She hasn’t looked at me all day, and it makes the shadow I woke up with loom more prominently inside of me.
After showering and pulling on some clean sweats, I go back to find Ace in her room, curled up into Zeus and crying. My heart aches as I tug on Zeus’s collar to get him to jump down and fill his spot. I trace my fingers over her spine and her cries become louder, filling me with more of my own tears. Her body is limp as I pull her closer to me. I’m pretty certain all of her fighting was expended trying to get through this day.
Eventually she falls asleep and I hold her to me. There’s something so unfamiliar between us right now, something that makes it difficult for me to relax and impossible for me to fall asleep.
Holding onto Ace begins to feel like gripping a handful of dry sand; the harder I
The day is so long it feels as though four have been strung together. Many of the girls spend the day crying, huddled together in pairs of blond heads. Muriel maintains the same odd matter-of-fact aura about her that doesn’t seem fitting for her or the family as she wanders around, gathering things together, and calling people to schedule appointments.
Ace just seems distant and detached from everything. She cries a few different times, but never goes to anyone. Though, each time a matching blond head quickly seeks her out.
When night finally arrives, I’m not sure what to do. I want to be here for her, but I also don’t want to force anything on her. I recall my grandma telling me soon after my dad left that we all must deal with pain and loss, and that we each handle it differently, but we all experience it. I don’t want her to experience this alone.
Savannah and Caulder leave first after their babysitter calls. Mindi and Kyle aren’t far behind. Before they leave, each of them goes around holding one another for a prolonged moment, not speaking, just holding. Ace looks miserable. Progressively throughout the day, she’s become more and more reluctant to allow others to touch her, and by the time Kyle pulls away, I can sense that she’s reached her maximum allowance. Apparently Kyle does too because when he comes over to me, he places a hand on my shoulder and squeezes as if to silently wish me luck.
Adam is with Jenny and Lilly, watching a Disney movie in the den, and Jameson has already gone to Kendall’s room. Muriel seems to understand that the ‘no boys’ rule doesn’t apply after such a devastating event.
“We should let them get some rest. Why don’t we go next door, and we can come back tomorrow?” my mom suggests to our friends that have stayed to endure this hellish day.
“I want to help,” Abby says through fresh tears as Jesse pulls her closer to his side.
“You are, sweetheart, just by being here, you’re helping an insurmountable amount. But they need to rest,” my mom explains. She’s using her doctor’s voice. I know she’s had to deliver too many messages of bad news to families over the years and can see the pain of this loss on every inch of her, from her eyes that have remained laden with tears all day, to the deep frown that mars her brow and mouth, to her steady hands that never shake, which are now trembling.
“I’m going to stay.” My mom looks at me a moment and then nods. I don’t know what her expression silently tells me before she turns to leave. It was too brief and so many emotions were present, a single one was difficult to distinguish.
I head over to where Ace sits outside on the patio and place a hand on her knee as I kneel beside her. “I’m going to go get some sweats. I’ll be right back. Do you need anything?”
She shakes her head, refusing to look at me. She hasn’t looked at me all day, and it makes the shadow I woke up with loom more prominently inside of me.
After showering and pulling on some clean sweats, I go back to find Ace in her room, curled up into Zeus and crying. My heart aches as I tug on Zeus’s collar to get him to jump down and fill his spot. I trace my fingers over her spine and her cries become louder, filling me with more of my own tears. Her body is limp as I pull her closer to me. I’m pretty certain all of her fighting was expended trying to get through this day.
Eventually she falls asleep and I hold her to me. There’s something so unfamiliar between us right now, something that makes it difficult for me to relax and impossible for me to fall asleep.
Holding onto Ace begins to feel like gripping a handful of dry sand; the harder I
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