Read Online Look How You Turned Out by Diane Munier - Free Book Online
Authors: Diane Munier
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volcano is rumbling. "You always knew I was coming back then. Chicago was different."
He's looking at me again. The so in control veneer is cracking. "Where in the world did you get the idea I didn't want you to go? That makes me some kind of…where did you get such an idea?"
"I didn't. I mean…well…you…did you…."
"Bedilia you can't be serious? I have been so careful…."
"Careful? Yes, you have. Yes, you have been so careful. Why? Why have you needed to be so careful?"
He doesn't have an answer that he'll share. Yet.
"Are you being careful now?"
"About what?"
"Careful…about us. Are you still being careful?"
"Us? You and me."
I look around at the creepy darkness and wave, "And Sasquatch."
"What are you saying?"
"Promise you'll still come for Thanksgiving? Promise me you'll let this go and not feel…awkward?"
"Go on."
"Is there…anything between us?"
"No…nothing," he says immediately…earnest and…mad. "Bedilia…what could be between us?"
I take off walking. "Nothing," I call.
He catches up again, grabs my arm. "Wait a minute. What's between us?"
"What you said. Nothing."
"Bedilia," he takes his hand away, "you're hurt. Tell me. What is this?"
"You're so…."
"What have I done? Tell me!"
"You've done nothing. Nothing. Forget I…."
"I'm not just forgetting any of this. Talk to me dammit!"
"I wondered if you felt an attraction…for me," I yell.
He stares, and no, it's nothing like…faith. This man's faith has been pulverized…by Angela. So he's looking at me, the drilling look, all the way…down…down. Down.
"What?" him
I walk again, say forget it again. He comes after again. Stops me again.
"You've got to be kidding me." him
How could I have been so wrong? I've imagined the whole thing. I've always imagined it. He's obviously appalled.
"You come here…from Chicago," he says this like he hates Chicago, "and ask me this…now?"
It's rhetorical, I think.
"You're home to regroup. You'll regroup, and you'll be out of here like someone shot a rocket up your ass," he says.
There's nothing between us? Bull!
Marcus Stover hates my guts.
"Okay, okay. Forget it." me
"Artie…I'm not going to do it to him for some…he doesn't see you that way," he says this through his teeth. "He doesn't have any idea how you torture…. I'm not falling for it. I never have. I've already been enough of a fool."
"Forget it," I say. "And I'm not your wife."
"Ex-wife," he says, this weird intensity. If he wants to kill me, this would be the time…no one…nothing.
He's ripped his hood down, and he's pulling on his hair. "Incredible. Attraction?"
"Calm down. I'm going in. Don't…touch me again." I jog toward my house, but it's a repeat. He comes after me again, doesn't touch me this time.
"Bedilia," he's a tiny bit calmer. "Wait. Wait."
I'm walking, faster than ever now. "Drop it. Just drop it."
"You asked if it's serious. It is. She's…she wants to get married."
I stop again. "She…wants to get married," I repeat like I'm translating. "What about you? You?"
"I'm…thinking about it."
I make a silent 'o,' then take off walking again.
"That's normal behavior, Bedilia. I'm being normal."
"Great. Be normal," I say over my shoulder as I run to my front door.
"I can count on her. She'll stay," he yells.
I stop.
Chapter 22
I turn slowly. "Good then. That's…great," I say. That's great she'll stay. Like a Golden Retriever.
I quickly let myself in the house. I want to let out a breath, but my chest is too tight.
"Bedilia?" Dad says from the living room.
Juney's little Marcus-like-child-like face appears around the arched doorway that leads from the hall to the living room.
"It's her," he says, a piece of red licorice hanging out of his mouth. He's gone.
It's her. Am I crazy? I hear so much in those little words. He's happy. Juney is happy to see me. He's proud…to see me.
Like I'm partly…his.
I hurry past the living room doorway and up to my room. Holy crud.
I had words
He's looking at me again. The so in control veneer is cracking. "Where in the world did you get the idea I didn't want you to go? That makes me some kind of…where did you get such an idea?"
"I didn't. I mean…well…you…did you…."
"Bedilia you can't be serious? I have been so careful…."
"Careful? Yes, you have. Yes, you have been so careful. Why? Why have you needed to be so careful?"
He doesn't have an answer that he'll share. Yet.
"Are you being careful now?"
"About what?"
"Careful…about us. Are you still being careful?"
"Us? You and me."
I look around at the creepy darkness and wave, "And Sasquatch."
"What are you saying?"
"Promise you'll still come for Thanksgiving? Promise me you'll let this go and not feel…awkward?"
"Go on."
"Is there…anything between us?"
"No…nothing," he says immediately…earnest and…mad. "Bedilia…what could be between us?"
I take off walking. "Nothing," I call.
He catches up again, grabs my arm. "Wait a minute. What's between us?"
"What you said. Nothing."
"Bedilia," he takes his hand away, "you're hurt. Tell me. What is this?"
"You're so…."
"What have I done? Tell me!"
"You've done nothing. Nothing. Forget I…."
"I'm not just forgetting any of this. Talk to me dammit!"
"I wondered if you felt an attraction…for me," I yell.
He stares, and no, it's nothing like…faith. This man's faith has been pulverized…by Angela. So he's looking at me, the drilling look, all the way…down…down. Down.
"What?" him
I walk again, say forget it again. He comes after again. Stops me again.
"You've got to be kidding me." him
How could I have been so wrong? I've imagined the whole thing. I've always imagined it. He's obviously appalled.
"You come here…from Chicago," he says this like he hates Chicago, "and ask me this…now?"
It's rhetorical, I think.
"You're home to regroup. You'll regroup, and you'll be out of here like someone shot a rocket up your ass," he says.
There's nothing between us? Bull!
Marcus Stover hates my guts.
"Okay, okay. Forget it." me
"Artie…I'm not going to do it to him for some…he doesn't see you that way," he says this through his teeth. "He doesn't have any idea how you torture…. I'm not falling for it. I never have. I've already been enough of a fool."
"Forget it," I say. "And I'm not your wife."
"Ex-wife," he says, this weird intensity. If he wants to kill me, this would be the time…no one…nothing.
He's ripped his hood down, and he's pulling on his hair. "Incredible. Attraction?"
"Calm down. I'm going in. Don't…touch me again." I jog toward my house, but it's a repeat. He comes after me again, doesn't touch me this time.
"Bedilia," he's a tiny bit calmer. "Wait. Wait."
I'm walking, faster than ever now. "Drop it. Just drop it."
"You asked if it's serious. It is. She's…she wants to get married."
I stop again. "She…wants to get married," I repeat like I'm translating. "What about you? You?"
"I'm…thinking about it."
I make a silent 'o,' then take off walking again.
"That's normal behavior, Bedilia. I'm being normal."
"Great. Be normal," I say over my shoulder as I run to my front door.
"I can count on her. She'll stay," he yells.
I stop.
Chapter 22
I turn slowly. "Good then. That's…great," I say. That's great she'll stay. Like a Golden Retriever.
I quickly let myself in the house. I want to let out a breath, but my chest is too tight.
"Bedilia?" Dad says from the living room.
Juney's little Marcus-like-child-like face appears around the arched doorway that leads from the hall to the living room.
"It's her," he says, a piece of red licorice hanging out of his mouth. He's gone.
It's her. Am I crazy? I hear so much in those little words. He's happy. Juney is happy to see me. He's proud…to see me.
Like I'm partly…his.
I hurry past the living room doorway and up to my room. Holy crud.
I had words
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