Read Online Living in Shadow (Living In…) by Jackie Ashenden - Free Book Online
Authors: Jackie Ashenden
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muscular arms, his dark eyes piercing. “You regret it, don’t you?”
Eleanor sighed and glanced down at the table, noticing she’d ripped the coaster up into a million tiny bits. Jesus, what was wrong with her? She wasn’t that fidgety normally, was she? Brushing off her fingers, she pushed the bits into a small pile in the center of the table. “No, of course not.”
“Ell,” Kahu said quietly, “it’s me.”
She didn’t look at him, staring at the ripped-up coaster. Maybe it wasn’t not seeing him that she was regretting, but the way she’d handled it.
Sure, Luc had been inappropriate but he’d also been brutally honest about the fact that he wanted her and she’d responded to that honesty by being a bitch to him. Hardly her finest moment. No wonder he’d got angry—she’d hurt him.
“I wasn’t very nice to him,” she said finally, a prickle of shame crawling over her skin. “And I do regret that.”
“Did he deserve it?”
I want to take that fear away…
“No. No, he didn’t.”
Kahu’s dark eyes were impenetrable. “Well then. Maybe you need to apologize.”
A part of her curled up in instinctive denial, though she didn’t want to examine her reasons too closely. Because Kahu was right. She probably did owe Luc an apology.
The idea stayed with her the rest of the night and it was still there when she went into work on Friday, papers marked and lecture prepared.
Once again, Luc wasn’t in the café when she bought her morning latte and it made the regret inside her even worse. He was doing what he’d promised, even after she’d said those things to him. Even though she’d hurt him.
God, she should never have thrown that honesty back in his face. Shouldn’t have let her anger and— yes, go on, admit it —her fear get the better of her. She was normally so much better at handling those situations, and she couldn’t think why she’d lost it with Luc.
Keep telling yourself you don’t know.
Eleanor ignored the snide voice as she walked down the corridor to her office. She wasn’t going to think about the feel of his hand around her ankle. Or the way he’d taken her chin in his hand. Those feelings weren’t ones she wanted anymore and she needed to stop thinking about them.
And then, ahead of her, near her office door, she saw Luc standing with his head slightly bent, deep in conversation with James. Instantly her heartbeat accelerated, her palms sweaty.
Fuck, this teenage-girl bullshit was getting old.
Eleanor tightened her grip on her coffee, concentrating on the burn of the hot liquid through the cup and not the tight ache that sat down low in her gut.
She could apologize to him now, couldn’t she? And hell, perhaps if she did, she’d stop all this thinking-about-him nonsense. Kahu would be so proud.
You want to see him…
Telling her head to shut the hell up, Eleanor slowed down as she approached the two men, her gaze riveted to the starkly beautiful lines of Luc’s face.
“Eleanor,” James greeted her, smiling. “Morning. Are we in the way?”
“Since my door is right there, yes.” She shifted her gaze to Luc’s, her pulse beating unnaturally fast. “Good morning, Mr. North.”
The smile he gave her was completely impersonal. “Same to you, Professor May.”
No heat in his gaze now, none of that intense focus. His expression was neutral, as if she were a stranger he’d only just met and not a woman he’d wanted.
He stood there, tall and lean in a plain, dark-red T-shirt and jeans, one hand casually gripping the strap of his backpack. And she found her gaze drawn to that hand. To his long fingers and the strange black tattoos covering the backs of them. The thick fabric cuff that circled his wrist. That was the hand that had taken her chin, forcing her gaze to his.
God, he’d been so angry and she’d… melted .
There was a silence and she realized it was because of her. Because she was staring. At Lucien. Fuck.
She took a silent breath and
Eleanor sighed and glanced down at the table, noticing she’d ripped the coaster up into a million tiny bits. Jesus, what was wrong with her? She wasn’t that fidgety normally, was she? Brushing off her fingers, she pushed the bits into a small pile in the center of the table. “No, of course not.”
“Ell,” Kahu said quietly, “it’s me.”
She didn’t look at him, staring at the ripped-up coaster. Maybe it wasn’t not seeing him that she was regretting, but the way she’d handled it.
Sure, Luc had been inappropriate but he’d also been brutally honest about the fact that he wanted her and she’d responded to that honesty by being a bitch to him. Hardly her finest moment. No wonder he’d got angry—she’d hurt him.
“I wasn’t very nice to him,” she said finally, a prickle of shame crawling over her skin. “And I do regret that.”
“Did he deserve it?”
I want to take that fear away…
“No. No, he didn’t.”
Kahu’s dark eyes were impenetrable. “Well then. Maybe you need to apologize.”
A part of her curled up in instinctive denial, though she didn’t want to examine her reasons too closely. Because Kahu was right. She probably did owe Luc an apology.
The idea stayed with her the rest of the night and it was still there when she went into work on Friday, papers marked and lecture prepared.
Once again, Luc wasn’t in the café when she bought her morning latte and it made the regret inside her even worse. He was doing what he’d promised, even after she’d said those things to him. Even though she’d hurt him.
God, she should never have thrown that honesty back in his face. Shouldn’t have let her anger and— yes, go on, admit it —her fear get the better of her. She was normally so much better at handling those situations, and she couldn’t think why she’d lost it with Luc.
Keep telling yourself you don’t know.
Eleanor ignored the snide voice as she walked down the corridor to her office. She wasn’t going to think about the feel of his hand around her ankle. Or the way he’d taken her chin in his hand. Those feelings weren’t ones she wanted anymore and she needed to stop thinking about them.
And then, ahead of her, near her office door, she saw Luc standing with his head slightly bent, deep in conversation with James. Instantly her heartbeat accelerated, her palms sweaty.
Fuck, this teenage-girl bullshit was getting old.
Eleanor tightened her grip on her coffee, concentrating on the burn of the hot liquid through the cup and not the tight ache that sat down low in her gut.
She could apologize to him now, couldn’t she? And hell, perhaps if she did, she’d stop all this thinking-about-him nonsense. Kahu would be so proud.
You want to see him…
Telling her head to shut the hell up, Eleanor slowed down as she approached the two men, her gaze riveted to the starkly beautiful lines of Luc’s face.
“Eleanor,” James greeted her, smiling. “Morning. Are we in the way?”
“Since my door is right there, yes.” She shifted her gaze to Luc’s, her pulse beating unnaturally fast. “Good morning, Mr. North.”
The smile he gave her was completely impersonal. “Same to you, Professor May.”
No heat in his gaze now, none of that intense focus. His expression was neutral, as if she were a stranger he’d only just met and not a woman he’d wanted.
He stood there, tall and lean in a plain, dark-red T-shirt and jeans, one hand casually gripping the strap of his backpack. And she found her gaze drawn to that hand. To his long fingers and the strange black tattoos covering the backs of them. The thick fabric cuff that circled his wrist. That was the hand that had taken her chin, forcing her gaze to his.
God, he’d been so angry and she’d… melted .
There was a silence and she realized it was because of her. Because she was staring. At Lucien. Fuck.
She took a silent breath and
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